(no subject)
another long night tonight, somehow this just dont seem right...
i'll be here waiting, seems im stuck in this room,
hard not to think of you,
my heart is shattered,
my soul so battered and bruised from all of the thoughts about losing you, i still cant stand it, its so hard to believe, i know youre with me, every step of the way, but i still dont comprehend why things turned out this way,
not a day goes by that i dont cry, that i dont have to try,
to carry on without you,
a huge piece of my life is missing, and that piece is you,
Uncle Bryan I Love You...
:'(
**************************************************
this is a kind of heartache, that wont ever lay to rest, except right here in my chest.
today was deff an "uncle Bryan" day. OMG i almost burst into tears soooo many times today bc of it. my whole day ppl have been talking about things that reminded me of him or w/e and i feel like im going out of my mind bc it hurts me so much. my entire 3rd block class we were talking about epilepsy and seizures, and how severe ones can kill you and what happens, and im sitting there thinking "omg, i feel like my heart is being ripped right out of my chest all over again, im never gonna make it through this day, let alone the rest of this class..." but i made it out afterall. idk how but i did.
im in tears right now as im typing this, the tears are becoming so overwhelming i can barely see what im typing. i cant stand this kind of heartache, its so much to bear. *sigh* its usually not this bad, but today its just too much for me to handle, and i hate how noone understands. its hard for ppl to understand anyways but i just dont know if im ever gonna heal from this pain. it feels like a gaping wound, that just keeps ripping open every once and awhile, but i see the scar there, and everyday its a reminder of not only what I lost, but what I gained as well. i really realized (again) today that i never really got over the death of my uncle bryan...when i found myself having another breakdown. there are other reasons contributing to my breakdown too but still. i still cry myself to sleep some nights.... tonight is another one of those nights....:'( idk what it is.....
ive never been the same since, and i will never be the same ever. its changed me and my life forever, both in a good and a bad way.
I need Tamika right now. Tamika is my sister from another Life, and I truly do believe that. She is unlike any other friend I have. She is like me, but she's different in so many ways too. she has the biggest heart, and the wisest mind. she is my best friend, my sister. Just drinking tea right now makes me miss her oh so much. Tamika, I love you more than anything hun, please dont ever forget that. I appreciate everything you have done for me. YOu are my soul sister. <3
I have to pick myself back up, and finish homework, its so difficult, I just want to go lay down, and write poetry, and just lay in bed with the lights off, and just talk to my uncle, just talk to him, my hearts crying out in vain for him. We need to talk. Unfortunatley I cant really talk to him until I go to bed and pray, because fricken school work has to be done, and I know he would want me to focus on my schoolwork.
His birthday is on the 8th, this coming tuesday. we dont have school, so maybe I will get a chance to go see him. Its soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo flippen hard for me. no words could ever express it.
*i'm going to my first concert on saturday. its Hanson - LIVE ELECTRIC. Acoustic would have been amazing, but i missed it ,and i bet electric is gonna rock soooo much. im fricken excited. just thought id share, i know that will help in the healing process. again, y'all wouldnt understand. *sigh*
we dont have school next friday- its Veterans day and i'm obv gonna be in the parade, and maybe that will be another chance to go see him.
I cant write anymore, I need to stop here. I'll talk to you all later. If you guys see me and I seem sad or whatever, or im not very talkative or whatever, this is why, plus other reasons too, but yeah. If i seem regular, its prolly bc of supportive friends being there for me during my worst moments and sticking with me, the fact that i can feel him with me, i talk to him, i have another emotional breakdown and let it all out, or ive discovered something miraculous or something or a miracle has happened or my uncle sent me a sign.
Alright, talk to you all later, thanks for reading,
Love Sheena.
*stay out of harms way.
**BE STRONG LITTLE ROOT** <3333 11-8-59 -- 1-21-04 <3333
You all are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless. <3
i'll be here waiting, seems im stuck in this room,
hard not to think of you,
my heart is shattered,
my soul so battered and bruised from all of the thoughts about losing you, i still cant stand it, its so hard to believe, i know youre with me, every step of the way, but i still dont comprehend why things turned out this way,
not a day goes by that i dont cry, that i dont have to try,
to carry on without you,
a huge piece of my life is missing, and that piece is you,
Uncle Bryan I Love You...
:'(
**************************************************
this is a kind of heartache, that wont ever lay to rest, except right here in my chest.
today was deff an "uncle Bryan" day. OMG i almost burst into tears soooo many times today bc of it. my whole day ppl have been talking about things that reminded me of him or w/e and i feel like im going out of my mind bc it hurts me so much. my entire 3rd block class we were talking about epilepsy and seizures, and how severe ones can kill you and what happens, and im sitting there thinking "omg, i feel like my heart is being ripped right out of my chest all over again, im never gonna make it through this day, let alone the rest of this class..." but i made it out afterall. idk how but i did.
im in tears right now as im typing this, the tears are becoming so overwhelming i can barely see what im typing. i cant stand this kind of heartache, its so much to bear. *sigh* its usually not this bad, but today its just too much for me to handle, and i hate how noone understands. its hard for ppl to understand anyways but i just dont know if im ever gonna heal from this pain. it feels like a gaping wound, that just keeps ripping open every once and awhile, but i see the scar there, and everyday its a reminder of not only what I lost, but what I gained as well. i really realized (again) today that i never really got over the death of my uncle bryan...when i found myself having another breakdown. there are other reasons contributing to my breakdown too but still. i still cry myself to sleep some nights.... tonight is another one of those nights....:'( idk what it is.....
ive never been the same since, and i will never be the same ever. its changed me and my life forever, both in a good and a bad way.
I need Tamika right now. Tamika is my sister from another Life, and I truly do believe that. She is unlike any other friend I have. She is like me, but she's different in so many ways too. she has the biggest heart, and the wisest mind. she is my best friend, my sister. Just drinking tea right now makes me miss her oh so much. Tamika, I love you more than anything hun, please dont ever forget that. I appreciate everything you have done for me. YOu are my soul sister. <3
I have to pick myself back up, and finish homework, its so difficult, I just want to go lay down, and write poetry, and just lay in bed with the lights off, and just talk to my uncle, just talk to him, my hearts crying out in vain for him. We need to talk. Unfortunatley I cant really talk to him until I go to bed and pray, because fricken school work has to be done, and I know he would want me to focus on my schoolwork.
His birthday is on the 8th, this coming tuesday. we dont have school, so maybe I will get a chance to go see him. Its soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo flippen hard for me. no words could ever express it.
*i'm going to my first concert on saturday. its Hanson - LIVE ELECTRIC. Acoustic would have been amazing, but i missed it ,and i bet electric is gonna rock soooo much. im fricken excited. just thought id share, i know that will help in the healing process. again, y'all wouldnt understand. *sigh*
we dont have school next friday- its Veterans day and i'm obv gonna be in the parade, and maybe that will be another chance to go see him.
I cant write anymore, I need to stop here. I'll talk to you all later. If you guys see me and I seem sad or whatever, or im not very talkative or whatever, this is why, plus other reasons too, but yeah. If i seem regular, its prolly bc of supportive friends being there for me during my worst moments and sticking with me, the fact that i can feel him with me, i talk to him, i have another emotional breakdown and let it all out, or ive discovered something miraculous or something or a miracle has happened or my uncle sent me a sign.
Alright, talk to you all later, thanks for reading,
Love Sheena.
*stay out of harms way.
**BE STRONG LITTLE ROOT** <3333 11-8-59 -- 1-21-04 <3333
You all are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless. <3