(no subject)
this is so weird because this is the first time i've been on livejournal since january.
but i really just don't know what to do anymore.
i guess to catch anyone up, i've moved into an apartment with my friend shauna.
and i would consider her to be one of my best friends.
but i'm also dating her exboyfriend. and a few months ago she told me she didn't care but it was nothing too serious then.
so lately i've been keeping everything about him and i from her so she didn't get upset.
and because she's very stubborn and hard to talk to.
but she found out.
and he's not allowed at the apartment. and the whole situation is just pulling us apart.
she says she resents me because i kept a secret fromher and that its her exboyfriend.
but she also says that she can get past it with time. but we don't know what to do now. in the present.
i understand that i should have told her from the beginning but anyone who knows me knows that i have major trust issues and that its the hardest thing in the world for me to actually open up and talk about my emotions with people.
and i know i need to work on that.
and i know there is a girlcode and what not about dating ex boyfriends, but she wasthe one who told me months ok that it was ok and that she didn't care.
and now, for the first timein my life, i'm being selfish to make myself happy.
and i haven't been truly happy in a long time. so as i friend, she should understand that.
but as a friend i also know that i betrayed her.
and now we're stuck. neither of us know what to do.
she says she resents me and shes angry at me...but she'll get over it with time.
but i don't know how to let her get over it. she says she wants me to talk to her about things. but i can't talk to her about him. and i can't bring him around my own apartment.
its just very hard and difficult.
GAH.
we are almost the same person. which is why this is so hard.
i don't wanna lose a friendship.
but for the first time in a while i'm happy.
its all too much.
but i really just don't know what to do anymore.
i guess to catch anyone up, i've moved into an apartment with my friend shauna.
and i would consider her to be one of my best friends.
but i'm also dating her exboyfriend. and a few months ago she told me she didn't care but it was nothing too serious then.
so lately i've been keeping everything about him and i from her so she didn't get upset.
and because she's very stubborn and hard to talk to.
but she found out.
and he's not allowed at the apartment. and the whole situation is just pulling us apart.
she says she resents me because i kept a secret fromher and that its her exboyfriend.
but she also says that she can get past it with time. but we don't know what to do now. in the present.
i understand that i should have told her from the beginning but anyone who knows me knows that i have major trust issues and that its the hardest thing in the world for me to actually open up and talk about my emotions with people.
and i know i need to work on that.
and i know there is a girlcode and what not about dating ex boyfriends, but she wasthe one who told me months ok that it was ok and that she didn't care.
and now, for the first timein my life, i'm being selfish to make myself happy.
and i haven't been truly happy in a long time. so as i friend, she should understand that.
but as a friend i also know that i betrayed her.
and now we're stuck. neither of us know what to do.
she says she resents me and shes angry at me...but she'll get over it with time.
but i don't know how to let her get over it. she says she wants me to talk to her about things. but i can't talk to her about him. and i can't bring him around my own apartment.
its just very hard and difficult.
GAH.
we are almost the same person. which is why this is so hard.
i don't wanna lose a friendship.
but for the first time in a while i'm happy.
its all too much.