yea

[shed_ur_wings]

its been a while since ive written in here but i have a lot on my mind and i just dont know what to do...

Justin is great and all but hes so clingy and young i jsut dont think he can be what i really want him to... I feel like i have no freedom because he gets so upset if im not with him...i miss going out and having fun and partying and jsut living...

I really miss a certain boy... I miss hanging out with him and going on late night drives with him and jsut laying with him...but i think i know it wont ever happen because i think if he ever ahd feelings for me they are completly gone...I wish we would have done something about our feelings but i jsut dont know anymore...

Im starting to get depressed again all the time and ...sometimes i jsut cry myself to sleep and wonder what the fuck i am doing with my life.... I dont want to grow up... im scared to "live" in this world all alone... i dont think i can do it... im scared to have a job and actually provide for myself...

i smoke more than ever now...I drink a lot...all i ever feel liek doing is lay in my bed and jsut think about everything...i never feel like doing anything anymore and i jsut dont understand it...

god i jsut dont know what the hell to do anymore....