fic: wherefore art thou cantankerous bastard

[shecrows]

title: wherefore art thou cantankerous bastard (sequel to not a big deal (tm)) | read on AO3 or listen to the podfic by the wonderful fire_juggler!
author: camille shecrows
pairing: kirk/mccoy
rating: NC17
word count: 7,905
notes: THE BIG DEAL SEQUEL. reading the first is recommended if you want this to make sense. thank you to romancandles for the read-through, and for meta-ing

Comments

[shecrows]

weeping. at. this. comment. i just c/p'd it into word and it's telling me that it is 793 words long. sisi, oh my god, it's like if cillian murphy's tears and oprah's tears were chemically fused into one substance, flooded the oceans, and then let me drown in them. i can't.

INCIDENTALLY, THE FIRST LINE YOU PICKED IS ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVES IN THE WHOLE FIC, and i am SO THRILLED that it resonated with you, because it's one of those ones that, yeah, like you said, attempts to distill a lot into a few words, and i sort of love how simple it was to do that, and the fact that it worked for you just makes me SO HAPPY, you don't even know. like a lot of the fic was obviously bones stepping over this line between them, and it was a very definite, deliberate line, and that was his conflict, but with jim i was like WHY IS THIS SO EASY FOR YOU, and it's like well jim is this forward trajectory with very rare moments of "oh shit" where he actually spares a moment to take in his internal landscape and sees that bones is taking up more and more space. no fucking further because abandonment issues dot com and needing things from people goes against every internalized warning, so when it gets to this point, it's just one more thing, and if it's easy it's only because he's watched that pile grow for years, whereas with bones it's this more desperately repressed thing that he's denied himself the luxury of wanting, because it's the one thing jim hasn't needed from him yet.

WOW I NEED TO SHUT UP. i start typing about these assholes and it just becomes meta central. this isn't your gmail inbox, camille, shh.

THE SECOND PART YOU QUOTED ugh also one of the parts i felt most strongly about. jim being the one to lay it out there and demand that bones take felt super important at least in the context of this story.

I KNOW YOUR INTENTIONS CAMILLE. I HAVE SEEN YOUR HEART, AND IT IS MINE!!!!!!

CACKLING GLEEFULLY. YES, LET ME JUST EXPLOIT EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS TO ELICIT AN EMOTIONAL RESPONSE FROM YOU. ugh but they are my feelings also, so it's really just inflicting pain all the way around. cheers.

bones's hands! they are good hands. i feel like i referenced them a gratuitous amount, but that's fine. there was some interview siken did where he mentioned that hands were, like, instruments of agency, a symbol in a sense for doing, and i was like yeah bingo, because bones gives himself away in actions, not words. and Jim would crack jokes while getting blown and emotionally stripping himself bare! RIGHT? UGH JIM. I HAVE A LOT OF JIM FEELINGS.

um omg i am restraining myself from commenting on every single thing you mentioned because specific feedback gets me embarrassingly aflutter, but ugh! i feel weird thanking you because it is just one long love letter to them that we are constantly writing, but THANK YOU. i am so glad you enjoyed this. i should seriously just disable comments now, shameless triumvirate thoughts are all i need. ♥