Your heart felt good, it was dripping pitch and made of wood...
Memories of a Sister
My breath is full of the salty ocean.
Such a deeply known Lover of ours.
I look out towards the sun
Light fading with compassionate slowness
Behind the silhouette of our crouched adventures,
Building endeavors.
Our chasing the tails of the retreating waters
With laughter, back to the source.
Or braving her waves in higher surf
Maneuvering as one with the will of two minds.
Instinct and thought meshed in love,
Born of our inescapable need of the others
Endlessly connected, trusted, and precious presence.
Hands clasped and sealed
We jumped and dived without fear.
I feel the weight of such memories.
I tear at the dirt and long to throw myself far
Down and ever farther, off sharp edged cliffs,
Into the beloved ocean below them.
To join him somewhere beyond this unbearable pain
Called missing.
Already I feel as if drowned in a vast inescapable swell.
Tossed about and helpless, hopeless and despairing,
And I wanted to know it's reality.
But it was not mine to know.
In my mind I have swam the miles my will allowed
Ever stretching to accommodate the growing deep.
But I have found my feet beneath me in the shallows.
I watched the night sky and learned the stars,
So I could navigate my way back to known seas.
I feel you in the mornings.
As I smoke my cigarette in half-sleep
You are beside me, squinting as I do in the morning light.
Feeling as I do, talking as I do, brains barely working
But smiling at each other as we converse.
I remember and imagine, and it gives me strength
Hands clasped and sealed..
I will move willfully forward, without fear.