I'm in love, I'm in love
So I've decided that the reason I've never fallen asleep in school before is because it is such an intimate thing. I always thought it was just because I wouldn't want to make any weird noises or drool or have anyone laugh at me, or because I didn't want to insult the teacher. However, I've come to believe that more importantly, or maybe just more specifically, you must be comfortable with people in order to sleep with them. Sleep in the true sense of the word. I know many people can sleep in cars, on airplanes, in dentist chairs, in class... pretty much anywhere. I can't sleep in cars even if I'm exhausted. I'm usually riding with my family or good friends, so I guess I'm being self-conscious about the other people riding on the road. Which of course, is silly, but it's the truth. I guess I'm an abnormality. Anyhow, I decided that actually sleeping in a bed with someone makes me feel closer to that person than having sex with that person would do. So, you know it's good when you can do both. In fact, you'd better to be able to do...
My point is just that I feel so whole right now. It's a wonderful feeling. I used to go back and forth and not be sure of things, but now I have an additional source of stability and constant source of happiness.
I also have come to the conclusion that life is good as it is. You can't always be looking for things to get better or be better if X or Y happens, you have to love it now and take steps toward achieving things for the future. I cooked all morning, opened gifts, went to mass with my family, went RUNNING for the first time in forever and didn't suck, read books in the library with Kelsey and fell asleep in front of her by accident (but the very nature of me falling asleep at all shows how comfortable I feel with her), started a jigsaw puzzle, played a lot of Skip-Bo with my family and laughed so hard I couldn't stand up. My family was in its element today. I was happy to be home, happy we can do things together like that and not worry about it being corny but at the same time not expect to be able to sit down and be like, "Hey, it's time for family game night!" We just do it sometimes. I'm also grateful that my brother is starting to become his own person. I was really worried about him for a while, but now I wonder if he'll turn out much better than me... It's highly likely.
I have a fabulous life, family, the best friends and boyfriend I could ever ask for, and I'm happy. I'm getting a "good education" despite not being able to claim the fantastic party life others can, I'm away from home but close enough to come home, I'm involved in some pretty awesome things, I'm in a really awesome city, and I have met great people. I've had this habit of naming things I'm thankful for before I go to bed, and it always includes things like flowers, trees, my family's jobs, cars, health, security, etc; but also things like the fact that I'm not handicapped and that I possess all five of my senses. The more I think of little things like the fact that I have access to a computer and that I'm even able to move your fingers at all, I get a slap of perspective. I'm lucky. So, what the hell am I doing bitching about things all the time?
I'm trying to formulate some goals for myself for this coming year. I don't do the whole resolution thing typically, but I'm going to come up with some "strategies," as Alexandra would say, to improve my quality of life. If only I could make Jacob be with me every day as part of this plan... Anyway, I do intend to be nicer and more patient. I don't want to be rude or intimidating anymore. I want to be someone like Juan or Laura-Ann. I don't know that that's in me, no matter how hard I could try, but we can see. At least I could make a step in that direction, however small it might be.
Sappy, sappy, sappy. I know. But I'm happy now. And content. I think the two are very different. But I have both. Love.
My point is just that I feel so whole right now. It's a wonderful feeling. I used to go back and forth and not be sure of things, but now I have an additional source of stability and constant source of happiness.
I also have come to the conclusion that life is good as it is. You can't always be looking for things to get better or be better if X or Y happens, you have to love it now and take steps toward achieving things for the future. I cooked all morning, opened gifts, went to mass with my family, went RUNNING for the first time in forever and didn't suck, read books in the library with Kelsey and fell asleep in front of her by accident (but the very nature of me falling asleep at all shows how comfortable I feel with her), started a jigsaw puzzle, played a lot of Skip-Bo with my family and laughed so hard I couldn't stand up. My family was in its element today. I was happy to be home, happy we can do things together like that and not worry about it being corny but at the same time not expect to be able to sit down and be like, "Hey, it's time for family game night!" We just do it sometimes. I'm also grateful that my brother is starting to become his own person. I was really worried about him for a while, but now I wonder if he'll turn out much better than me... It's highly likely.
I have a fabulous life, family, the best friends and boyfriend I could ever ask for, and I'm happy. I'm getting a "good education" despite not being able to claim the fantastic party life others can, I'm away from home but close enough to come home, I'm involved in some pretty awesome things, I'm in a really awesome city, and I have met great people. I've had this habit of naming things I'm thankful for before I go to bed, and it always includes things like flowers, trees, my family's jobs, cars, health, security, etc; but also things like the fact that I'm not handicapped and that I possess all five of my senses. The more I think of little things like the fact that I have access to a computer and that I'm even able to move your fingers at all, I get a slap of perspective. I'm lucky. So, what the hell am I doing bitching about things all the time?
I'm trying to formulate some goals for myself for this coming year. I don't do the whole resolution thing typically, but I'm going to come up with some "strategies," as Alexandra would say, to improve my quality of life. If only I could make Jacob be with me every day as part of this plan... Anyway, I do intend to be nicer and more patient. I don't want to be rude or intimidating anymore. I want to be someone like Juan or Laura-Ann. I don't know that that's in me, no matter how hard I could try, but we can see. At least I could make a step in that direction, however small it might be.
Sappy, sappy, sappy. I know. But I'm happy now. And content. I think the two are very different. But I have both. Love.