accidentally in love
After skipping out of Vanderbilt a day early, I came to have the best fucking break of my entire life. Thursday after class my daddio came to pick me up and drive me home. It ended up taking us 6 hours due to traffic, but we talked the entire ride home. I really enjoyed it since I usually just tell my mom everything. Then I got home and didn't feel like re-telling any of my stories or really like talking at all anymore, so I was kind of a drag. I stayed up late and ate a ton of cookies and milk, watched Animal House, did some Su Doku, and finished Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs. All in all, a great day. Friday, I woke up, took my time getting ready in my OWN bathroom, showered WITHOUT shoes for the first time in 3 months, and sat in my sink to do my makeup like I used to. Dad drove me to Georgia Tech around 1, and I proceeded to have one of the best weekends in the history of the world. I had a lot of plans and things I wanted to do, but I was so content just BEING.
I came to the conclusion recently that people don't normally live in the present. We're always thinking back on the past or thinking ahead into the future or even planning it out. It's rare when you can sit somewhere and be so content that you can think of nothing but the moment. Or maybe this theory applies only to me and I need to get into the habit of "living in the now." I'm not sure if this contentment with just being with someone is a good thing, or a sign of me growing predictable and dull. Actually, I am sure that it is a good thing. I had a long conversation with my mom this week about love and getting married and all that jazz because it's always been something I never wanted to think about until I was really old. I still don't want to be married anytime soon. In fact, I think I want to wait until I'm practically 30 just because I have so many things I want to do for myself. I want to be able to have the resources to give my children the things I want them to have and to be at a point in my life where I'm okay with sharing my time and money and life with other people. Until then, I want to drink and party and dance and jump off cliffs and hike and travel and not have to give a damn about sharing or finding a babysitter or saving money. Selfish, I know, but it would really only be selfish if I tried to do these things WHILE I had a kid. Anyway, this is getting off-topic and a little bit too far into the future (damn me, I've already failed my task). So, I asked how you know if love is good enough to be marriage. Don't anybody freak out now, I was just curious. She said you have to look at the most normal and boring parts of your life and picture what they'd be like with another person and if that would be okay with you. You're going to be poor at first and you can't always be healthy and happy and relying on dates for entertainment every night. What you've got is good if you can sit down and watch 3 episodes of Law and Order in a row and not be annoyed with the other person. If you can get sick or not wear makeup and still feel comfortable and still be loved. If you can handle cooking dinner and shopping for things together. If you can go out in public and have things to talk about and be proud to be with each other. Things like that. Not if you have good sex and a lot of money and a lot of expensive adventures. It seems so obvious, but it's still difficult to determine what is real when most of what I know about love is centered around idealistic movie romances. But then I can look at my parents and really understand. I looked at my aunts and uncles this week too and noticed how they all essentially took care of each other all the time, even though the next minute they'd be making fun. They knew everything about the other person and still put their arms around each other or helped ease tension... Things that seem so obvious are the most difficult to me sometimes. I like explanations. Mystery is nice, but I feel as though I need a little evidence to back up my heart.
Anyway, the point of that was that I was in a zone of sheer contentment the past weekend.
Monday, I went shopping all day at Lennox with my mom, met up with my best friend from Vandy and ate lunch at Panera with her and her parents. After buying boots and sweaters and the like, I drove to the Orient Garden to have sushi with my mom because that's our tradition. The rules: we always get salmon and snapper and california rolls plus at least 2 new things; my mom drinks at least 3 wild turkey and diet cokes, at least one of us cries, and it always follows a shopping trip (which probably is what helps me to be so nice). Anyway, I was the only one who cried this time and I never even knew why. I just got so overwhelmed everytime I tried to say anything important. It was a strange feeling.
Tuesday, I went to Lil' River Tavern in downtown Lawrenceville with Carrie in my brother's Jeep. After figuring out how to turn off the car alarm, we proceeded to eat appetizers in the cutesy-romantic tavern and tell our stories for 3 hours. I had so much fun. I love that it wasn't ever awkward and that we could pick back up with no problems. I honestly think we'll always be like that. Then we went and met Rob at Starbucks where I saw Dickey and Erica Nett. We chatted for a while, then Carrie and I headed back to my house where I showed Carrie my new room and we talked for a long time with Julia. Julia left, Carrie and I went back to her house and talked to her mom, I went back to my house and hung out with Jacob, then left for Florida in the morning.
It took 9 hours to get down there because of traffic and accidents. We had catered Italian for dinner at one of the beach houses and I got 2 more graduation cards with cash, I went back to Aunt Steph's to hang out and sleep, then woke up at noon the next day. Got ready, had catered Thanksgiving at the big beach house, talked to everyone about college and such, walked on the beach and collected shells, then went back to Steph's to finish reading Fast Food Nation and eat ice cream with Bailey's. Friday - work and reading, helped cook and set up, Thanksgiving dinner #2, drove the Lexus to Bayside to see Yours, Mine, and Ours with Kelly and Katie, ate at Coldstone, then watched TV and talked with the fam. Left this morning at 7 am and drove half the way home. Now I've been doing all this fucking work for about 5 hours. This is my break. "Writing on your break," you say? C'mon now, you know I'm a little off.
Anyway, my heart goes out to everybody. I can't wait to get the next 2.5 weeks of school over because they're going to be sheer hell due to crunch time and much needed dieting efforts. But it'll be worth it. KELSEY for the first time since I don't know when... I love you all. "I do, I do, I do-oooo."
I came to the conclusion recently that people don't normally live in the present. We're always thinking back on the past or thinking ahead into the future or even planning it out. It's rare when you can sit somewhere and be so content that you can think of nothing but the moment. Or maybe this theory applies only to me and I need to get into the habit of "living in the now." I'm not sure if this contentment with just being with someone is a good thing, or a sign of me growing predictable and dull. Actually, I am sure that it is a good thing. I had a long conversation with my mom this week about love and getting married and all that jazz because it's always been something I never wanted to think about until I was really old. I still don't want to be married anytime soon. In fact, I think I want to wait until I'm practically 30 just because I have so many things I want to do for myself. I want to be able to have the resources to give my children the things I want them to have and to be at a point in my life where I'm okay with sharing my time and money and life with other people. Until then, I want to drink and party and dance and jump off cliffs and hike and travel and not have to give a damn about sharing or finding a babysitter or saving money. Selfish, I know, but it would really only be selfish if I tried to do these things WHILE I had a kid. Anyway, this is getting off-topic and a little bit too far into the future (damn me, I've already failed my task). So, I asked how you know if love is good enough to be marriage. Don't anybody freak out now, I was just curious. She said you have to look at the most normal and boring parts of your life and picture what they'd be like with another person and if that would be okay with you. You're going to be poor at first and you can't always be healthy and happy and relying on dates for entertainment every night. What you've got is good if you can sit down and watch 3 episodes of Law and Order in a row and not be annoyed with the other person. If you can get sick or not wear makeup and still feel comfortable and still be loved. If you can handle cooking dinner and shopping for things together. If you can go out in public and have things to talk about and be proud to be with each other. Things like that. Not if you have good sex and a lot of money and a lot of expensive adventures. It seems so obvious, but it's still difficult to determine what is real when most of what I know about love is centered around idealistic movie romances. But then I can look at my parents and really understand. I looked at my aunts and uncles this week too and noticed how they all essentially took care of each other all the time, even though the next minute they'd be making fun. They knew everything about the other person and still put their arms around each other or helped ease tension... Things that seem so obvious are the most difficult to me sometimes. I like explanations. Mystery is nice, but I feel as though I need a little evidence to back up my heart.
Anyway, the point of that was that I was in a zone of sheer contentment the past weekend.
Monday, I went shopping all day at Lennox with my mom, met up with my best friend from Vandy and ate lunch at Panera with her and her parents. After buying boots and sweaters and the like, I drove to the Orient Garden to have sushi with my mom because that's our tradition. The rules: we always get salmon and snapper and california rolls plus at least 2 new things; my mom drinks at least 3 wild turkey and diet cokes, at least one of us cries, and it always follows a shopping trip (which probably is what helps me to be so nice). Anyway, I was the only one who cried this time and I never even knew why. I just got so overwhelmed everytime I tried to say anything important. It was a strange feeling.
Tuesday, I went to Lil' River Tavern in downtown Lawrenceville with Carrie in my brother's Jeep. After figuring out how to turn off the car alarm, we proceeded to eat appetizers in the cutesy-romantic tavern and tell our stories for 3 hours. I had so much fun. I love that it wasn't ever awkward and that we could pick back up with no problems. I honestly think we'll always be like that. Then we went and met Rob at Starbucks where I saw Dickey and Erica Nett. We chatted for a while, then Carrie and I headed back to my house where I showed Carrie my new room and we talked for a long time with Julia. Julia left, Carrie and I went back to her house and talked to her mom, I went back to my house and hung out with Jacob, then left for Florida in the morning.
It took 9 hours to get down there because of traffic and accidents. We had catered Italian for dinner at one of the beach houses and I got 2 more graduation cards with cash, I went back to Aunt Steph's to hang out and sleep, then woke up at noon the next day. Got ready, had catered Thanksgiving at the big beach house, talked to everyone about college and such, walked on the beach and collected shells, then went back to Steph's to finish reading Fast Food Nation and eat ice cream with Bailey's. Friday - work and reading, helped cook and set up, Thanksgiving dinner #2, drove the Lexus to Bayside to see Yours, Mine, and Ours with Kelly and Katie, ate at Coldstone, then watched TV and talked with the fam. Left this morning at 7 am and drove half the way home. Now I've been doing all this fucking work for about 5 hours. This is my break. "Writing on your break," you say? C'mon now, you know I'm a little off.
Anyway, my heart goes out to everybody. I can't wait to get the next 2.5 weeks of school over because they're going to be sheer hell due to crunch time and much needed dieting efforts. But it'll be worth it. KELSEY for the first time since I don't know when... I love you all. "I do, I do, I do-oooo."