Positive / Negative / Positive / Negative

[shebreathes]

I guess with one, you have to have to the other. I am finding this out first hand I'm afraid. It has been a straining few days, starting with last week and going over into this week. And it's only Wednesday! I have not been sleeping too much but managed to rest my eyes, even for a short amount of time, last night. I woke up feeling much better than I have. When depression takes over, I tend to not sleep or even in my bed. I always run to the couch and lay there, staring out the window. Sounds sad in a way but it's how I deal with things. I find it difficult to let go of my past demons. As much as I push and pull with in myself, they haunt me and try to take control of my life. This has effected many people down this road and left them feeling helpless. When someone tries to understand you and figure you out it can be tiresome when they do not get the answers they seek. That's the feeling of helplessness. You get discouraged and wonder what it's all for. Insecurities set in followed by doubt and all you can do is throw your hands in the air. I never wanted to be so difficult to be with. I know that my issues stem from a long hard road that I'm leaving behind me but in that process I've lost people, people who are closer to me than my own skin.

I know you may not understand this entry, and that's ok. I guess I needed to write it for myself mainly.
Everyone have a great day...