My body, my anguish
I love my body. I really do. It gives me a lot of pleasure. It's cool to look at and It makes entertaining noises. But once in a while, the feminist "love thy body" shield weakens, and I cannot pretend not to see its faults. My stupid belly, looks to me like a whoppie cushion deflated. And I look at the gazelle-like bodies of my peers, and I sigh.
It's a general awkwardness I guess.
Lately I've been full of rage. At what? I don't really know. I think it's a general malcontentedness. It's the early 20's blues. The feeling that I'm lost and going nowhere. But it's also "The State of Things in General".
Meaning: war, economy, poverty, the environment, the SOUTH, the Conservatives, McCain, racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ignorance, ignorance, ignorance.
It all boils up, and I hear about it and hear about it, and it all boils up into this AAAARGH!!!!!! Of rage that makes me want to pick the enemy up into a choke hold and body slam him into the depths of the abyss.
But there is no such thing as permanent abyss, and ignorance permeates all the aspects of life. Everywhere. People say stupid shit to me and around me all the time, and I CANNOT bitch-slap them all. In fact, I CANNOT bitch-slap any of them, because we all know, the most ignorant people raise the biggest fuss.
And the thing is, no one seems to care when I talk to people about this shit. People generally go, "eh, what can I do about it?" I would feel a fuck of a lot better if for once, someone was like, "WHAT THE FUCK!?"
so AAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!
It's because we all have so much potential too! As a race, we can make aching beauty with everything we do. We can put boundless kindness and consideration into every move we make. Instead we choose to picket at innocent people's funerals because they were gay. Or we choose to stone a transexual to death. Or we choose to do nothing at all. Or.
We choose to write long, angry, journal entries about it, instead of doing anything about it.
I didn't care about politics or even "the State of Things in General" before I met Jake. Sure, I knew the basics, but my philosophy was, I can't do anything about it, so why stress? And it really was easier, I WAS a lot less angry. The thing is though, knowing is better than not knowing. The truth is better than contentedness. Knowing about things, even just a little bit, makes me feel more like what a human should feel like. Enlightened.