vacate is the word.
i just smoked a cigarette.
normally this is my time of deep thought--whether it be planning out things that need to be accomplished or just wistful daydreaming. its a time of complete and solitary tranquility where i can kinda get away from everything that is around me.
it was different, just now.
here i sit, awake at 5:30 in the morning on Sunday August 15th 2004. The sounds of birds chirping, the soft hum of the air conditioning, and the slow teetering of the ceiling fan are the only exterior noises that I am exposed to at the moment.
my sister is leaving in about an hour to go back up to school. suprisingly its something im not used to, because normally im the one who always leaves--but not this time. anybody who knows me well enough, knows that my sister is everything to me. shes like phoebe to holden caulfield. we could be in our 70's and she'd still be my little sister. last year i had left on tour before she went away to school so i didnt experience this feeling. but tonight, i felt it. as i hugged her goodbye, i realized how much im going to miss her and how empty the house will be without her.
as if that isn't hard enough to handle, I realized that today--August 15th 2004 snuck up on me without the slightest remorse. 4 years ago I lost one of the greatest friends I've had in my life. This day has been difficult for me the last 4 years, and there isn't a date that renders me more pensive. I think about how he stuck up for me, and made me feel cool even though i definitely wasn't. I think about listening to CD's in his room and harassing people in AOL chatrooms. I think about blowing up the model teeth we made in Mrs Tei's health class. The concerts, the marching band events, the sleepovers...everything. Just a relentless picture show of memory after memory. I can't really say that if he were still around today we would be as close as we were when we were younger, but I know for certain that I will always appreciate him for his friendship. I will always miss Joe though...
the sun is coming up, and i think im going to make a valiant attempt at getting some sleep. i could rant in elaborate detail about everything im thinking at the moment, but to me, a thought is more eloquent than anything you can post in your live journal.
normally this is my time of deep thought--whether it be planning out things that need to be accomplished or just wistful daydreaming. its a time of complete and solitary tranquility where i can kinda get away from everything that is around me.
it was different, just now.
here i sit, awake at 5:30 in the morning on Sunday August 15th 2004. The sounds of birds chirping, the soft hum of the air conditioning, and the slow teetering of the ceiling fan are the only exterior noises that I am exposed to at the moment.
my sister is leaving in about an hour to go back up to school. suprisingly its something im not used to, because normally im the one who always leaves--but not this time. anybody who knows me well enough, knows that my sister is everything to me. shes like phoebe to holden caulfield. we could be in our 70's and she'd still be my little sister. last year i had left on tour before she went away to school so i didnt experience this feeling. but tonight, i felt it. as i hugged her goodbye, i realized how much im going to miss her and how empty the house will be without her.
as if that isn't hard enough to handle, I realized that today--August 15th 2004 snuck up on me without the slightest remorse. 4 years ago I lost one of the greatest friends I've had in my life. This day has been difficult for me the last 4 years, and there isn't a date that renders me more pensive. I think about how he stuck up for me, and made me feel cool even though i definitely wasn't. I think about listening to CD's in his room and harassing people in AOL chatrooms. I think about blowing up the model teeth we made in Mrs Tei's health class. The concerts, the marching band events, the sleepovers...everything. Just a relentless picture show of memory after memory. I can't really say that if he were still around today we would be as close as we were when we were younger, but I know for certain that I will always appreciate him for his friendship. I will always miss Joe though...
the sun is coming up, and i think im going to make a valiant attempt at getting some sleep. i could rant in elaborate detail about everything im thinking at the moment, but to me, a thought is more eloquent than anything you can post in your live journal.