Let's be somebody today
Jaqui, Eri, and Josh.
Ogden, Ut.
Weber State University.
I've done some personal reflection on my life upon seeing my status on where I am, what I'm doing, who I am?
At our age, I'm sure it's either it's these questions we constantly feel anxious about and continuously analyze.
Then there's also the other set of people, who are care free... who lets destiny take over fate.
I am both parts put into one. At times, I worry about how I'm just 'floating' then I release back into my belief that everything happens according to fate.
So lately, in the mix of these thoughts and emotions..
There has been a lot of talk of going to Europe within the year with Jessica.
And the more we talk about it, the more my dreams expand for it.
Just recently, I was blessed with the opportunity to recieve my citizenship! (note: I was a Japanese citizen)
and now, I can travel abroad and be on my way to my hopes of becoming a world explorer.
Of course, this won't happen in awhile, because I run under the category of-
a poor college student who in facts has to work for a living to pay the bills.
(personal thought:)Am I in status.."WORK to LIVE rather LIVE to WORK?"
It's sad.. and I see a reflection of myself and who I really am.
I see the youth inside me that people just put aside so they can conform to the "real world"
people my age are constantly in a rush, always in a hurry....
I know there are times when we need to 'grow up'
But don't we have the rest of our live to do so?
in contradiction, to everyday could be the last... but underline the thought, live your life to the fullest...
I mean, I'm 19? Am I even considered as an adult or a teenager?
"what an awkward age- ", I've recently consulted within myself. Then I wonder.."how long will it feel this way?".sigh.
Sometimes, it does take awhile to feel comfortable in your own skin. Right now, I'm content..
but still I feel like I'm searching for something just a little more.
And I refer back to this text I read that I wrote in my journal when I was 16...
"We're never happy with we have, we're constantly looking for something better even if we have something good. It's like we
get a million dollars and we're angry because the bills are not crisp enough.. I mean it's getting ridiculous how people are ungrateful
for their blessings. But it's just that, everyone is just always searching a little bit more...for something better than what they have...If they have something good, they want great... It's an unending process..good/bad..more or less. Who knows... I want to be greatful for everything but I don't want to settle for less.. that balances, right?
I read back at that.... and it's true. But it doesn't apply to everything..or even make sense to this entry, but It's just me to reiterate something totally off subject.
but anyway, back to the main topic ..it started all when me and Jessica talked about backpacking Europe.
And what an amazing experience that would be and how just packing up my life in a little backpack and
leave to a country where I don't know with no plan but a destination and no itenirary.
Just my backpack, a journal, empty pockets, my camera, my best friend, and a dream accomplished.
It sounds completely insane to the 'anal-analytical preplanned high-maitenance' type..
but for me, as random as I am, for everything I stand for.. that is who I am.
That is exactly what I want to do.. even under the categorical generilization of 'poor college kid'
everything comes with sacrifice.. and I want to work hard to let that happen.
I know it will talk time but its in my goals. And I've got in my little heart under my 'to-do list' (that ranges 8 miles long.)
But it's up there in my priority list for Life.
I mean, imagine this... even if I don't have the money now. When I do have that money, which is probably when I have a career and a family, I won't be able to just leave for a couple months. Time will be different then. To just leave as random as I would, would be almost impossible..
I'll be married one day. I'll have children one day. I'll have a career one day..
And today, I don't. These years are those years right now that I want to be able to look back at.
I want to be able to tell my children stories of great times.I want to be able to look back at my youth as something more than ordinary.
I dream....yes, I dream, because I am a dreamer.
I dream..yes, I dream. Because I am a dreamer.
This is just one dream to come true.
Europe, here I come......