(no subject)
i hate how some things are... Family that is... not mine tho. like i look at my family and yes i might say things like i cant stand my mom but then i look at other families... and thank god that i have a family that loves me you know? No matter how much i might complain about family.... I do admit that i havent had it as bad as others.sometimes i wish i did so i could understand. it hurts me so fucking much to not know how it feels to have it bad. As much as i want to help... I cant because i cant do absolutely nothing about it. i wish i could just take him away from everything bad and take him to the place of his dreams. it kills my heart that im not capable of doing that. i know sometimes... i cant be the best person in the world. As much as i try to believe him when he says im perfect i know im not. i can be a bitch when i can. And i swear i dont mean to be but everyone is bitchy once in a while. sometimes i feel like im not enough... im not all he needs. he needs things i cant give him... or maybe he just is missing one of the most important figures of life... and that I cant bring back either. its so hard not to cry at a moment like this but i made a promise to the one i love that I wouldnt cry... and i'd do it for him. Then thats what aimimg for not crying...as much as i want to. I wont I love him and he doesnt need anymore sufferin esp. from me. I wish i could be there for him all the time not only by being there but by being there how he wants me to be not how I think will make situations better. sometimes i feel like love took all my strength away from me. as if i were so weak i cant take not one bad thing occur to him without it hurting my heart. as much as he "dislikes" his dad I know deep down inside he loves him very much. hes practically all he has left. besides his brothers. I just wish his dad knew what was going on. I wish i could walk inside sit down and just make everything ok. to let everything out in the open. to stop all the sufferin. to end all the heartaches. hes my life, my everything. I acnt stand seeing him getting hurt by anyone esp. me. Everything... our love our hurt our feelings "are like the wind, you cant see it but you can feel it"