(no subject)
Hi everyone!!!!. Its been months since i actually write an "entry"... so here goes nothing.
For those who dont know. Im moving. Its only an hour and a half away but I cant deal with it. I dunno just everything I've known for 13 years my whole life practically i have to leave behind and it hurts so much. And as much as many people think the hurting is mostly about leaving josh. Then YES! Its true! Its because of him that my heart aches every night. And no i dont want to move on whether josh is my boyfriend my friend my anything. regardless of what happens between us I still want us to have a friendship. I mean its going from seening him EVERYDAY!!!! to seening him on weekends if not everyother weekend. =/ and everyone is telling me to not thin about it that im making myself miserable. but i say fuck that the only way to actually be happy is by being miserable regardless.
I dont know how to even describe in writing how much loseing josh is affecting me.
Sometimes i feel that being mean (bitchy) towards him is better off. I mean that way he can have a reason to move on and get over us right but then it hurts me it hurts alot pretending not to care when you really do.
I leave on aug. 20th thats about 2 more weeks. so far the pass month has been a living roller coaster... Im been down alot because im moving and because i hate how my parents still treat me like a child and im 18. and its been amazing thanks to my josh! =D He's really made my last month in broward amazing! And lets not even mention my b-day he made that day perfect!!!! I guess im just gonna miss him a whole lot. and thats why its so hard. But we both know that we have each other to go too.. and that we both love each other... After all it might be a good thing that im moving that way he can do our own thing but also have time to ourselves on weekends. sigh i dunno.
g2g
PS. I love him!
For those who dont know. Im moving. Its only an hour and a half away but I cant deal with it. I dunno just everything I've known for 13 years my whole life practically i have to leave behind and it hurts so much. And as much as many people think the hurting is mostly about leaving josh. Then YES! Its true! Its because of him that my heart aches every night. And no i dont want to move on whether josh is my boyfriend my friend my anything. regardless of what happens between us I still want us to have a friendship. I mean its going from seening him EVERYDAY!!!! to seening him on weekends if not everyother weekend. =/ and everyone is telling me to not thin about it that im making myself miserable. but i say fuck that the only way to actually be happy is by being miserable regardless.
I dont know how to even describe in writing how much loseing josh is affecting me.
Sometimes i feel that being mean (bitchy) towards him is better off. I mean that way he can have a reason to move on and get over us right but then it hurts me it hurts alot pretending not to care when you really do.
I leave on aug. 20th thats about 2 more weeks. so far the pass month has been a living roller coaster... Im been down alot because im moving and because i hate how my parents still treat me like a child and im 18. and its been amazing thanks to my josh! =D He's really made my last month in broward amazing! And lets not even mention my b-day he made that day perfect!!!! I guess im just gonna miss him a whole lot. and thats why its so hard. But we both know that we have each other to go too.. and that we both love each other... After all it might be a good thing that im moving that way he can do our own thing but also have time to ourselves on weekends. sigh i dunno.
g2g
PS. I love him!