i was born to see you smile
i haven't really updated in a while. my math teacher just let us go to first lunch so i figured i'd stop in here for a second. then we're gona go back in class and watch airplane. then it's time for second lunch, and then i leave at 12:30 for swimming. ahhh. league prelims already. things should go well. hopefully. but yah... it's been a really easy day as far as school. i've been really really disorganized lately. and it's leading to a big freak out. i got most organized in 8th grade. how embarrassing. but not being organized is driving me insane. but it's my own fault. i keep losing papers. i guess i'm just ready to get out of here and over putting the effort in that will help maintain order here. so i've just kind of been going through the motions lately. i feel like i'm in need of something that is just beyond my reach. i feel like everyone's kind of feeling this though... just ready to finally move on to something new. nothings really wrong and i feel selfish for even complaining when so many of my friends are going through so much more. i just haven't felt very fulfilled lately. boys scare me. after talking to noel last night i kind of realized that because of what steven did to me... i'm really really scared to have any relationships with boys... even if its just as my friend. he hurt me really bad and betrayed my trust. so i guess i'm just super tentative about getting in any type of friendship or relationship with boys because i will not be able to handle that type of rejection and hurt again. i feel kind of lonely right now. but it's not a big deal. i just need to get things in order... get organized and i'll be fine. i just finished a book called dreamland with a lot of really good quotes. the book's at home though so i'll put them on here later for you girls to see. its amazing how you can find such good friendships in the most unlikely of places. and you can talk to someone and feel as if you've known them forever. thats how i've been with a few people lately... unfortunately i've been really distant from some other people though. it hurts but there's nothing i can do to change it. i hope i swim fast today. i hope that andrew is nice to me today. i hope i hope i hope. hoping will not get anything accomplished. only action will. welp, i'm gona go to the bathroom before i have to go back to class... sorry for not updating in so long. i need to get some sleep tonight. i stay up so late and don't do ANYTHING, then in classes i stress cuz i have to do all this hw that i should have, and could have, done the night before. but i'll try and be studious tonight after the meet and the senior send off :(.. so i can get to bed early. we have a late day tomorrow.. sweet. i can't believe swim is almost over. scary. peeeeeeeeace.