Teaching and hope.
I am often asked why I want to be a teacher. People tell me the pay is not worth it, the hours aren't what you bargain for, 90% of teachers quit after the first three years and it's more stress than anything. Are these valid points? Sure.
But not a single, single factor of -any- of that is why I chose to do this with my life.
When you are in the presence of a child, you are with an unbiased, curious, questioning, innocent view to the world. You are surrounded by a bundle of energy excited to merely be alive. Even if it means having to chase them down on the playground because they refuse to stop running, you know without question they aren't afraid to LIVE. They are tomorrow's future and if guided right, have the potential to make this world so much happier, peaceful and hopeful. Even if I may only teach them how to spell elephant and add two plus two when my time in their life is over, I will of played a giving, caring hand in what they will one day touch and possibly change and in all the ways I could, helped shaped it the best I was able to. That will forever, ever be more important than ANYTHING I could ever do.
I mean this with every single part of who I am. Children ARE hope.
There are children and people amongst us who could be the next Ghandi for gosh sakes, they just need a few to BELIEVE in them. And if I do nothing in my life but help others find that sure footing in who they are and give them the strength which empowers them to grow into what they'll be, I will, without question, die having feel humbled, touched and alive.
A few weekends ago someone asked me what the most important thing about me was. I sat and thought for a bit as I chewed my lip, curious how to word it best. Figuring simplicity was the easiest, "Hope" I said. My friend looked towards me and chuckled, "Hope in what.. The government? The weather? Cowboys? Space?" I looked to him for a second despite his joke, he hadn't understood. "Everything.. and everyone." I retorted, deadpan and sure.
The truth is, I love people entirely too much. And this love extends beyond my desire to one day work with children.
I know, I'm a shy, closed off, nervous, unsure and a not paying attention, dorky goof 99.99% of the time.. but I am fascinated by the people I walk by at work, sit next to in class, idle next to on the roads and see in the grocery store. There is so much to them I wish I could understand. Turmoil I see that I wish I could heal. Happiness and mirth I feel from them that I want so badly to bottle. Accents, body movements, skin color and things which set us apart in an amazingly vast, colorful array of this mixing pot we've all boiled into that I look upon with awe. We are an incredible human race with such immense potential and anyone who says differently or claims that hope is lost hasn't even begun to open their eyes.
I am one of those types of person that when it comes to those stupid questions about letting others die vs yourself (10 to you or whatever) or having a such and such murderer/psycho free or put to death to prevent further harm (I could go on here for ages with these), I am for those people. I am ALWAYS for letting others stay alive before I, giving those in name the benefit of the doubt and for letting people LIVE. Many probably are, I know. And I have had the debates in the past about it, been boggled at when I said without question ten lives are forever more important than my own and I have been called a stupid fool for believing a serial murderer could be redeemed. But when I answer these questions, in my heart I know there is no other choice.
Hope and I have a strong relationship. So may call it too strong. It touches on and graces many a situation I am entangled in (all of which is for a different blog at a different time) and strongly supports the mankind which surrounds me. I believe people can change, that they can grow, EVERYONE is capable of learning and that they can be trusted. I believe people are good and not as cruel as this world may take them. I believe so much of what is viewed as negative and hurtful is merely another man's way of doing what he can to live, to survive and actions he needs to take to get by.. And it is not my place for a single second to hold that against anyone. I am not saying it's okay to be a cannonball of another's happiness and I'm not saying I sit here and condone acts of cruelty, but I do know without question there is so much out there that I don't understand and the first wrong step I could ever, ever take in beginning to is letting my own ignorance, culture and belief system affect what a person could be.
I do not want to be anything extraordinary. I am already surrounded by so many that are and I wouldn't dare steal that light which lets them glow. I honestly do my best when I am behind the scenes allowing others to live their lives easier. And I may not be perfect in a lot of things, I'm flawed in more ways then I'd like to admit.. But I can say here and now that when people - children, adults, anyone - are at their worst, I can dig as deep as I need to still see the good. If it means breaking my back to find that good in the lowest, darkest, dirtiest corners of those moments, I will. You may some odd impression that I abhor you, but the truth of the matter is I never could. That goes for anyone.
Somewhere in this heart I know that at the end of the road we are all equally important, child and man, and worth it to learn lessons from and deserving of each other's respect. We may disagree, we may but heads, I may call you a noob of unimaginably proportions.. But if you crack open this noggin' of mine, you can see the part of me which knows we are merely human and existing. To exist is to make mistakes, to accidentally get a stupid crush on a friend :">, to be in a class for two weeks before realizing you've already taken it before (doh!) and to just freakin' doom things. And I'm not going to blame anyone for that.
If I can teach the students who will one day be under my wings anything, may it be these lessons.
The next time you giggle at me for doting on you.. or telling you in a lot of others I adore you all, know that it is not me being silly. I may not be able to do it alone, but it is ungodly important for me to let those around me know their worth.. and my hope for mankind is greatest in your company. Be it the ones that I casually pass at work with a shy smile, talk to daily or the children I will one day proudly teach, and if I'm called upon to give every single part of myself to let the others (and you) in my life live, I will without question. I am not drunk with whatever, I am sure and steady with knowledge of what I need to do.
And if it means doing what needs to be done to help keep you, you, you and them happy, smiling and in turn - hopeful, don't even fucking question it.
This is who I am. This is why I'm oftentimes thinking/smiling too dang much.. and this is (all mixupedly) a rather big sliver on the iceberg of reasons as to why I want to teach. :)
In other news, I have tracked down and purchased a new hoodie that is not only the most comfortable thing alive, but also is smokin' effin' hot. And the feeling of feeling both smokin' hot and uber comfy at once is nigh possible to beat. Truth. :>
But not a single, single factor of -any- of that is why I chose to do this with my life.
When you are in the presence of a child, you are with an unbiased, curious, questioning, innocent view to the world. You are surrounded by a bundle of energy excited to merely be alive. Even if it means having to chase them down on the playground because they refuse to stop running, you know without question they aren't afraid to LIVE. They are tomorrow's future and if guided right, have the potential to make this world so much happier, peaceful and hopeful. Even if I may only teach them how to spell elephant and add two plus two when my time in their life is over, I will of played a giving, caring hand in what they will one day touch and possibly change and in all the ways I could, helped shaped it the best I was able to. That will forever, ever be more important than ANYTHING I could ever do.
I mean this with every single part of who I am. Children ARE hope.
There are children and people amongst us who could be the next Ghandi for gosh sakes, they just need a few to BELIEVE in them. And if I do nothing in my life but help others find that sure footing in who they are and give them the strength which empowers them to grow into what they'll be, I will, without question, die having feel humbled, touched and alive.
A few weekends ago someone asked me what the most important thing about me was. I sat and thought for a bit as I chewed my lip, curious how to word it best. Figuring simplicity was the easiest, "Hope" I said. My friend looked towards me and chuckled, "Hope in what.. The government? The weather? Cowboys? Space?" I looked to him for a second despite his joke, he hadn't understood. "Everything.. and everyone." I retorted, deadpan and sure.
The truth is, I love people entirely too much. And this love extends beyond my desire to one day work with children.
I know, I'm a shy, closed off, nervous, unsure and a not paying attention, dorky goof 99.99% of the time.. but I am fascinated by the people I walk by at work, sit next to in class, idle next to on the roads and see in the grocery store. There is so much to them I wish I could understand. Turmoil I see that I wish I could heal. Happiness and mirth I feel from them that I want so badly to bottle. Accents, body movements, skin color and things which set us apart in an amazingly vast, colorful array of this mixing pot we've all boiled into that I look upon with awe. We are an incredible human race with such immense potential and anyone who says differently or claims that hope is lost hasn't even begun to open their eyes.
I am one of those types of person that when it comes to those stupid questions about letting others die vs yourself (10 to you or whatever) or having a such and such murderer/psycho free or put to death to prevent further harm (I could go on here for ages with these), I am for those people. I am ALWAYS for letting others stay alive before I, giving those in name the benefit of the doubt and for letting people LIVE. Many probably are, I know. And I have had the debates in the past about it, been boggled at when I said without question ten lives are forever more important than my own and I have been called a stupid fool for believing a serial murderer could be redeemed. But when I answer these questions, in my heart I know there is no other choice.
Hope and I have a strong relationship. So may call it too strong. It touches on and graces many a situation I am entangled in (all of which is for a different blog at a different time) and strongly supports the mankind which surrounds me. I believe people can change, that they can grow, EVERYONE is capable of learning and that they can be trusted. I believe people are good and not as cruel as this world may take them. I believe so much of what is viewed as negative and hurtful is merely another man's way of doing what he can to live, to survive and actions he needs to take to get by.. And it is not my place for a single second to hold that against anyone. I am not saying it's okay to be a cannonball of another's happiness and I'm not saying I sit here and condone acts of cruelty, but I do know without question there is so much out there that I don't understand and the first wrong step I could ever, ever take in beginning to is letting my own ignorance, culture and belief system affect what a person could be.
I do not want to be anything extraordinary. I am already surrounded by so many that are and I wouldn't dare steal that light which lets them glow. I honestly do my best when I am behind the scenes allowing others to live their lives easier. And I may not be perfect in a lot of things, I'm flawed in more ways then I'd like to admit.. But I can say here and now that when people - children, adults, anyone - are at their worst, I can dig as deep as I need to still see the good. If it means breaking my back to find that good in the lowest, darkest, dirtiest corners of those moments, I will. You may some odd impression that I abhor you, but the truth of the matter is I never could. That goes for anyone.
Somewhere in this heart I know that at the end of the road we are all equally important, child and man, and worth it to learn lessons from and deserving of each other's respect. We may disagree, we may but heads, I may call you a noob of unimaginably proportions.. But if you crack open this noggin' of mine, you can see the part of me which knows we are merely human and existing. To exist is to make mistakes, to accidentally get a stupid crush on a friend :">, to be in a class for two weeks before realizing you've already taken it before (doh!) and to just freakin' doom things. And I'm not going to blame anyone for that.
If I can teach the students who will one day be under my wings anything, may it be these lessons.
The next time you giggle at me for doting on you.. or telling you in a lot of others I adore you all, know that it is not me being silly. I may not be able to do it alone, but it is ungodly important for me to let those around me know their worth.. and my hope for mankind is greatest in your company. Be it the ones that I casually pass at work with a shy smile, talk to daily or the children I will one day proudly teach, and if I'm called upon to give every single part of myself to let the others (and you) in my life live, I will without question. I am not drunk with whatever, I am sure and steady with knowledge of what I need to do.
And if it means doing what needs to be done to help keep you, you, you and them happy, smiling and in turn - hopeful, don't even fucking question it.
This is who I am. This is why I'm oftentimes thinking/smiling too dang much.. and this is (all mixupedly) a rather big sliver on the iceberg of reasons as to why I want to teach. :)
In other news, I have tracked down and purchased a new hoodie that is not only the most comfortable thing alive, but also is smokin' effin' hot. And the feeling of feeling both smokin' hot and uber comfy at once is nigh possible to beat. Truth. :>