WoW.. Ironsong.. Sara
It's really effin' early and I should be sleeping a whole lot more, I've just got something on my head that I can't shake.. and said head won't seem to let me go back to bed until I get it off my chest.
However to lead up to it and for it to even make sense to half of you, I have to get a whole freakin' lot of back-story out of the way. So.. here goes it.
For those of you who don't know, I play a game called World of Warcaft (WoW for short). People jokingly call it Warcrack for it's addicting like nature, "Waiting on Warhammer" for well, a lot of reasons I'll maybe get into at a later date and as my Mom likes to call it, "-that- game." By play I don't mean a few minutes a day to pass the time, I am admittedly a bit hooked. Your daily ten minutes of Solitaire is the amount of time I likely just spend at the loading screen with various characters. There is a lot to do in WoW, so much that trying to even get into it here would immediately overwhelm you all.. But to generally give somewhat of a picture, it's literally another world to submerse yourself into. Another world that millions across the globe all partake in it. You are placed into a highly interactive (both with the computer and other players just like you) environment the second you log in and are given tasks to do, levels to obtain, "factions" to acquire, lore to become familiar with, better gear to lust after within "instances" and... I could be here all night long. Easily. The stuff to do on it kind of never freakin' runs out. As you progress from one thing to a next, there's continually room to move forward with your main character or a various alternate you've thrown together. Many have played this game since it's release over what.. three years ago? And are still finding themselves with things to do, reasons to play and a method to the madness in spending as much time immersed into it all as I have.
WoW is wonderful to me, immensely valuable in passing the time and far too easy to get caught up into if you let it. There's a point within all of us "hardcore" players that if we let WoW take precedence over real life, we need to know it's time to step away. I have seen some break themselves (one whom I dearly loved) because they weren't able to realize this until too late. It's a fine, tricky line some of us play against (myself included). Working part-time and not having school again for a month and a half has lead to a ton of free time as of late and WoW, as always, has done exceptionally magnificent in helping me spend the time in that regard.. and I can't help but still adore it because so.
However I do understand after so long one may easily assume you'd just get bored of it. People do. There is a "method" to my supposed madness in regards to this game though (which I am able to easily call it that, there are some who do see it as life, I kid you not) which leads me to continue on - the guild I'm in. A general definition of a guild would be a group of individuals who have chosen to associate with one another and work together for the betterment of the group as a whole. Or as Wikipedia<3 likes to put it, "In computer and video gaming, a clan or guild is a group of players who regularly play together in a particular (or various different) multiplayer games.. Guilds usually are a cooperative planning and play group in these games, sometimes paralleling the functions of medieval guilds."
The guild I'm a member of and partake of in WoW is called the Ironsong Tribe. Within WoW guild members have a shared "chat room", tabard, they are comrades in battle and without question you eventually bond with one another. Some guilds can be junk.. some don't have a lot of respect.. some are solely made up of thirteen year old boys going through puberty. Ironsong however is amazing to me. I have made friends within it's ranks that I whole heartedly respect, shared moments of laughter and sincerity with so many that I will always cherish and have found people that are without a doubt true, genuine friends. One or two I'd consider my best and while they might not know it, my life in that realm would be a terrible bore without 'em. Silly Greg is most certainly one of those, regardless if he chooses to bonk me to death in front of Karazhan. :p
Lastly (I'm leaving out so freakin' much, I just don't want to be here explaining it all to death), the "final" faucet of the WoW experience (at least in my mind's eye) takes place over Ventrilo, a program which allows one to communicate through voice over the internet. Whether it's doing quests, raiding or generally goofing off, Vent is typically involved. Vent adds a whole 'nother experience to the game itself. Communicating through voice can bring both it's share of good and bad things, but I've been quite blessed with pleasant experiences that have lead to Vent generally helping me become closer to those I game with. It adds realism to the experience for me, can be easily relied on to heighten humor and it's a form of socializing that is one of my most admired and loved. The nights I spend doing an instance on WoW with a group of four other friends on Ventrilo discussing whatever still has yet to get old to me. Maybe I'm a geek, maybe I really need a freakin' life.. But WoW brings about a form of socializing that the shy ones like I who prefer the cloak of anonymity are able to shine under. And it's admittedly hard for me to truly relate to people who don't seem to understand that.
Know that I love the guild I'm in. I appreciate and enjoy many of the two hundred different players within it's roster and it sounds cheesy, but when I've got my head stuck ten feet into that game, Ironsong has become another happy home for me to retreat to. In fact, in about two month's time I'll be meeting a handful of my guild mates and those who I've become quite close to down in Shasta Lake, California. We'll all be camping, spending time on the beach and getting to know each other in real life vs. all that we've been through in game. It should be great few days that certainly won't be forgotten..
However, here is where my predicament begins.
As it draws nearer, I've suddenly found myself looking at this Shasta Lake trip with doom.. And not a single one of 'em know it. I'm one of the main planners of the freakin' event.. Yet I've reached a point where I'm more nervous about it than even excited.
I know - I just spent a good forever proclaiming my love for these people and now I confess I've become a nervous, shy, worried goof bat at the prospect of seeing them in real life.. Let me explain how it makes sense.
Another thing I like about WoW is, as a briefly mentioned it ago, the mask of a character model I can hide under while I heal or be a terribly "newb" of a caster/warlock. I am not judged for my looks, what I have/what I don't and nor am I treated based on my appearance within WoW. Or, if I am by a few, they do a heckofagood job at hiding it. I'll admit that because I am a girl who does happen to have a pleasant voice (or so I'm told) I do get a bit of favoritism to begin with, but on WoW my actions and opinions aren't filtered through the perceptions of my appearance. Instead they are put through a filter which relies on my ability to play the druid class (what my main is), how I heal (which I seem to somehow be good at) and to not doom things too entirely much - there is anonymity to it in that regard which is terribly comforting. Yes, I do have a picture up on the forms. And unless some have strangely taken to remembering it, which I doubt, how I am treated and spoken to in game has a lot more to do with the things I chose to role-play/do in game, how I conduct Sound (my main character), my squeaky pitches of laughter, my personality and whatever antics I'm involved with over vent for the thousandth time.. and not as much my looks.
Said looks are quite a sore spot of mine. I haven't lied to those who do know what I took like, but I am far too familiar with self confidence woes. Ones that have got pretty freakin' deep roots. Sometimes I'm okay with them, other times I am very not. When I'm playing a Tauren (my main char's "class") however, it's not something I need to worry about. When I'm camping with a handful of others I've never seen before in real life, I know dang well it's going to take a freakin' ton of effort for me to ignore. I am my own worst enemy in this regard and the fact I could so easily expose these weaknesses to these others which have come to know silly Sound as quite different (I think) has left me stupidly unsure about it all.
A lot can change when it becomes something in real life. My personality takes precedence in WoW above all else. Once in real life when they see I'm about twenty times more shyer in situations and about twenty times more unsure of the person I'm outside of game then in game.. It could have an affect. Does this make sense at all? I know this could go for all of us and I'm most likely not alone in these feelings, I just do a really good job at letting my worry corrupt things.
I love Ironsong, I do. And I agree I need to meet the people who have been my real, steady friends through out this past year. The worry that won't shake however is that I'm not going to live up to the ideas people have created about me in their head. No, I'm not self obsessed in thinking every single one of 'em has made their own Sound montage and nor do I think all of them will care all that much.. However for the people there I consider my closest friends, I don't know what to think. I'm somehow a heckofalot cooler in game then I seem to be out. At least I think so (however it's occurring to me that my self confidence issues could lead me to assume this, and not the facts). I guess the internet allows all of us the power be more than who we are incidentally.. Or to worry that we might be. And when I show up to this real life moot not the bouncy, laughing goof they've all come to know.. but the shy, reclusive, closed off, lost in thoughts, day dreaming/space cadet that I generally am, I don't want it to negatively change things as they stand. At all. If how I was in real life somehow ruined the awesome friendships I've made in game, I'd loose more than I would ever like to quantify.
I know I know, if they're good people they'll accept me for me and it'll be all gravy. If they don't, they obviously weren't awesome friend material to begin with. My head of worry kindly refuses to let me lay belief into those ideas however. I hate to disappoint.. and the last people I want to do that to are those that I've grown to love, care for and truly know these past few months. It would suck. A lot. I don't want to ruin people's perceptions (however how smart it may be for all of us to hold off on those until meeting one another truly) and somehow hurt someone I care about because so. :(
I'm incredibly sleeping now and my eyes are demanding to be shut.. In regards to somehow ending this, I don't really have any other option rather than choosing to face this and the repercussions my pessimistic side is quite set on seeing. Am I being a bit childish? I suppose. Is everything going to be okay? Possibly. Is there a way for me to stop worrying about letting others down and somehow hurting them because so? That I don't freakin' know atm.
However to lead up to it and for it to even make sense to half of you, I have to get a whole freakin' lot of back-story out of the way. So.. here goes it.
For those of you who don't know, I play a game called World of Warcaft (WoW for short). People jokingly call it Warcrack for it's addicting like nature, "Waiting on Warhammer" for well, a lot of reasons I'll maybe get into at a later date and as my Mom likes to call it, "-that- game." By play I don't mean a few minutes a day to pass the time, I am admittedly a bit hooked. Your daily ten minutes of Solitaire is the amount of time I likely just spend at the loading screen with various characters. There is a lot to do in WoW, so much that trying to even get into it here would immediately overwhelm you all.. But to generally give somewhat of a picture, it's literally another world to submerse yourself into. Another world that millions across the globe all partake in it. You are placed into a highly interactive (both with the computer and other players just like you) environment the second you log in and are given tasks to do, levels to obtain, "factions" to acquire, lore to become familiar with, better gear to lust after within "instances" and... I could be here all night long. Easily. The stuff to do on it kind of never freakin' runs out. As you progress from one thing to a next, there's continually room to move forward with your main character or a various alternate you've thrown together. Many have played this game since it's release over what.. three years ago? And are still finding themselves with things to do, reasons to play and a method to the madness in spending as much time immersed into it all as I have.
WoW is wonderful to me, immensely valuable in passing the time and far too easy to get caught up into if you let it. There's a point within all of us "hardcore" players that if we let WoW take precedence over real life, we need to know it's time to step away. I have seen some break themselves (one whom I dearly loved) because they weren't able to realize this until too late. It's a fine, tricky line some of us play against (myself included). Working part-time and not having school again for a month and a half has lead to a ton of free time as of late and WoW, as always, has done exceptionally magnificent in helping me spend the time in that regard.. and I can't help but still adore it because so.
However I do understand after so long one may easily assume you'd just get bored of it. People do. There is a "method" to my supposed madness in regards to this game though (which I am able to easily call it that, there are some who do see it as life, I kid you not) which leads me to continue on - the guild I'm in. A general definition of a guild would be a group of individuals who have chosen to associate with one another and work together for the betterment of the group as a whole. Or as Wikipedia<3 likes to put it, "In computer and video gaming, a clan or guild is a group of players who regularly play together in a particular (or various different) multiplayer games.. Guilds usually are a cooperative planning and play group in these games, sometimes paralleling the functions of medieval guilds."
The guild I'm a member of and partake of in WoW is called the Ironsong Tribe. Within WoW guild members have a shared "chat room", tabard, they are comrades in battle and without question you eventually bond with one another. Some guilds can be junk.. some don't have a lot of respect.. some are solely made up of thirteen year old boys going through puberty. Ironsong however is amazing to me. I have made friends within it's ranks that I whole heartedly respect, shared moments of laughter and sincerity with so many that I will always cherish and have found people that are without a doubt true, genuine friends. One or two I'd consider my best and while they might not know it, my life in that realm would be a terrible bore without 'em. Silly Greg is most certainly one of those, regardless if he chooses to bonk me to death in front of Karazhan. :p
Lastly (I'm leaving out so freakin' much, I just don't want to be here explaining it all to death), the "final" faucet of the WoW experience (at least in my mind's eye) takes place over Ventrilo, a program which allows one to communicate through voice over the internet. Whether it's doing quests, raiding or generally goofing off, Vent is typically involved. Vent adds a whole 'nother experience to the game itself. Communicating through voice can bring both it's share of good and bad things, but I've been quite blessed with pleasant experiences that have lead to Vent generally helping me become closer to those I game with. It adds realism to the experience for me, can be easily relied on to heighten humor and it's a form of socializing that is one of my most admired and loved. The nights I spend doing an instance on WoW with a group of four other friends on Ventrilo discussing whatever still has yet to get old to me. Maybe I'm a geek, maybe I really need a freakin' life.. But WoW brings about a form of socializing that the shy ones like I who prefer the cloak of anonymity are able to shine under. And it's admittedly hard for me to truly relate to people who don't seem to understand that.
Know that I love the guild I'm in. I appreciate and enjoy many of the two hundred different players within it's roster and it sounds cheesy, but when I've got my head stuck ten feet into that game, Ironsong has become another happy home for me to retreat to. In fact, in about two month's time I'll be meeting a handful of my guild mates and those who I've become quite close to down in Shasta Lake, California. We'll all be camping, spending time on the beach and getting to know each other in real life vs. all that we've been through in game. It should be great few days that certainly won't be forgotten..
However, here is where my predicament begins.
As it draws nearer, I've suddenly found myself looking at this Shasta Lake trip with doom.. And not a single one of 'em know it. I'm one of the main planners of the freakin' event.. Yet I've reached a point where I'm more nervous about it than even excited.
I know - I just spent a good forever proclaiming my love for these people and now I confess I've become a nervous, shy, worried goof bat at the prospect of seeing them in real life.. Let me explain how it makes sense.
Another thing I like about WoW is, as a briefly mentioned it ago, the mask of a character model I can hide under while I heal or be a terribly "newb" of a caster/warlock. I am not judged for my looks, what I have/what I don't and nor am I treated based on my appearance within WoW. Or, if I am by a few, they do a heckofagood job at hiding it. I'll admit that because I am a girl who does happen to have a pleasant voice (or so I'm told) I do get a bit of favoritism to begin with, but on WoW my actions and opinions aren't filtered through the perceptions of my appearance. Instead they are put through a filter which relies on my ability to play the druid class (what my main is), how I heal (which I seem to somehow be good at) and to not doom things too entirely much - there is anonymity to it in that regard which is terribly comforting. Yes, I do have a picture up on the forms. And unless some have strangely taken to remembering it, which I doubt, how I am treated and spoken to in game has a lot more to do with the things I chose to role-play/do in game, how I conduct Sound (my main character), my squeaky pitches of laughter, my personality and whatever antics I'm involved with over vent for the thousandth time.. and not as much my looks.
Said looks are quite a sore spot of mine. I haven't lied to those who do know what I took like, but I am far too familiar with self confidence woes. Ones that have got pretty freakin' deep roots. Sometimes I'm okay with them, other times I am very not. When I'm playing a Tauren (my main char's "class") however, it's not something I need to worry about. When I'm camping with a handful of others I've never seen before in real life, I know dang well it's going to take a freakin' ton of effort for me to ignore. I am my own worst enemy in this regard and the fact I could so easily expose these weaknesses to these others which have come to know silly Sound as quite different (I think) has left me stupidly unsure about it all.
A lot can change when it becomes something in real life. My personality takes precedence in WoW above all else. Once in real life when they see I'm about twenty times more shyer in situations and about twenty times more unsure of the person I'm outside of game then in game.. It could have an affect. Does this make sense at all? I know this could go for all of us and I'm most likely not alone in these feelings, I just do a really good job at letting my worry corrupt things.
I love Ironsong, I do. And I agree I need to meet the people who have been my real, steady friends through out this past year. The worry that won't shake however is that I'm not going to live up to the ideas people have created about me in their head. No, I'm not self obsessed in thinking every single one of 'em has made their own Sound montage and nor do I think all of them will care all that much.. However for the people there I consider my closest friends, I don't know what to think. I'm somehow a heckofalot cooler in game then I seem to be out. At least I think so (however it's occurring to me that my self confidence issues could lead me to assume this, and not the facts). I guess the internet allows all of us the power be more than who we are incidentally.. Or to worry that we might be. And when I show up to this real life moot not the bouncy, laughing goof they've all come to know.. but the shy, reclusive, closed off, lost in thoughts, day dreaming/space cadet that I generally am, I don't want it to negatively change things as they stand. At all. If how I was in real life somehow ruined the awesome friendships I've made in game, I'd loose more than I would ever like to quantify.
I know I know, if they're good people they'll accept me for me and it'll be all gravy. If they don't, they obviously weren't awesome friend material to begin with. My head of worry kindly refuses to let me lay belief into those ideas however. I hate to disappoint.. and the last people I want to do that to are those that I've grown to love, care for and truly know these past few months. It would suck. A lot. I don't want to ruin people's perceptions (however how smart it may be for all of us to hold off on those until meeting one another truly) and somehow hurt someone I care about because so. :(
I'm incredibly sleeping now and my eyes are demanding to be shut.. In regards to somehow ending this, I don't really have any other option rather than choosing to face this and the repercussions my pessimistic side is quite set on seeing. Am I being a bit childish? I suppose. Is everything going to be okay? Possibly. Is there a way for me to stop worrying about letting others down and somehow hurting them because so? That I don't freakin' know atm.