motherfuck.
It is rare when i use a profanity in my journal subject. i have only used it one other time i think. and that was big. but this is bigger.
let me tell you the story of the Ridgefield Aquatic Club and the worst WORST team trip ever.
everything was fine until friday after prelims. everyone was getting along, i had a great room, did well in my 200 free. Then the shit happened. and it all went downhill. a big crash and burn fest. eight out of ten girls cried at least once this weekend. myself included, although it was mostly only about my races and not the drama. people missed their big races because of breakdowns and girls flipping out when all they had to do was pick one of the other 6 rooms to hang out in. instead parents were called, meetings were had, and nothing was accomplished. and it sucked royally. and now everyones ready to just give up because lets face it, if it wasn't fixed before, how can it be fixed now, or ever? its so sad that 20 fucking people can't learn to just live and let live, can't tolerate eachother for four fucking days. it's sick.
and i wasn't even a part of that.
my races went fine. met 3 out of 5 goal times, which honestly wasn't bad. i was so happy that i had a good room. and that i felt at ease around most everybody. and yet, i was still miserable for more than half the weekend. because i don't belong. i am alone, by myself. there are people i love being around in small groups, but when its all 20 of us together, i feel so alienated. and it feels worse when i don't swim well. everyone has at least one person on the team that they can count on, no matter what. i don't have that, and it kills me. and i feel like i'm trying to hard to fit in, that i look like ******** when she follows people around like a freakin dog. so i sit alone. and that makes it worse. it's not as bad as it used to be. but it's still not good. i spend my life with these people. they ARE my second family. so why doesn't it feel like it? i know why. one person. the person that is hilarious and always lightens the mood and is nice and friendly...to everyone except for me...and ********. when i talk to him he either gives me blanks stares or ignores me completely. the only time he talks to me is to say "thanks" when i say good luck, or to ask me to move so he can talk to alyssa. he treats me the same as he does ********, which is insulting, because she is annoying, and obnoxious and mean, and i am none of those things.
and i was prepared to talk to him about it. but friday was his birthday, and he had the worst weekend out of all of us. and i didn't want to make it worse. so i kept quiet.
then let's talk about Bob. the fucking most disorganized coach ever. Bob, don't ever fucking tell me that you're going to miss my big race b/c of "team issues". Don't fucking give me the relay card 5 seconds before we're supposed to be in the water. and don't fuck up our B relay FOR THE SECOND TIME because you didn't watch the pools. You are first and foremost our coach, not our friend, not our mentor. your job is to be there to take our splits, be there to evaluate our big races, and be able to fucking tell us who is in the relay. that is your job. DO YOUR JOB. (i love how he's not reading any of this. oh well, good venting)
in short, our team is shot. destroyed. virtually incapable of being fixed. two people plus myself have seriously considered quitting after this weekend. theres probably more.we embarassed ourselves so bad in front of some of the fastest teams in the nation. right now, i am SO ashamed to be on Ridgefield Aquatic Club.
there were a few highlights to this weekends miserable events. some good quotes from some good people:
Eric (sees little black kids running around the hotel):"hey look, niglets!"
Ari: " hey ***** what did you do with ********'s leash?
Michael, on the subject of ashley Macentee
"you had to room with her last year? i'm sorry. she had a crush on my brother, and she used to come over and be like 'heyy michael' and i used to be like 'hey slut'"
Stel:WHOA negro
me: stel, that guys white
Stel: oh yea.
and finally, Tom Brown summed it up best:
"i don't give a flying fuck about all of this drama. Where the fuck's my pizza?"
now i'm off to practice. if we even have a team anymore.
also, thanks to kelly and caccy for pulling me through this weekend. i <3 you.
let me tell you the story of the Ridgefield Aquatic Club and the worst WORST team trip ever.
everything was fine until friday after prelims. everyone was getting along, i had a great room, did well in my 200 free. Then the shit happened. and it all went downhill. a big crash and burn fest. eight out of ten girls cried at least once this weekend. myself included, although it was mostly only about my races and not the drama. people missed their big races because of breakdowns and girls flipping out when all they had to do was pick one of the other 6 rooms to hang out in. instead parents were called, meetings were had, and nothing was accomplished. and it sucked royally. and now everyones ready to just give up because lets face it, if it wasn't fixed before, how can it be fixed now, or ever? its so sad that 20 fucking people can't learn to just live and let live, can't tolerate eachother for four fucking days. it's sick.
and i wasn't even a part of that.
my races went fine. met 3 out of 5 goal times, which honestly wasn't bad. i was so happy that i had a good room. and that i felt at ease around most everybody. and yet, i was still miserable for more than half the weekend. because i don't belong. i am alone, by myself. there are people i love being around in small groups, but when its all 20 of us together, i feel so alienated. and it feels worse when i don't swim well. everyone has at least one person on the team that they can count on, no matter what. i don't have that, and it kills me. and i feel like i'm trying to hard to fit in, that i look like ******** when she follows people around like a freakin dog. so i sit alone. and that makes it worse. it's not as bad as it used to be. but it's still not good. i spend my life with these people. they ARE my second family. so why doesn't it feel like it? i know why. one person. the person that is hilarious and always lightens the mood and is nice and friendly...to everyone except for me...and ********. when i talk to him he either gives me blanks stares or ignores me completely. the only time he talks to me is to say "thanks" when i say good luck, or to ask me to move so he can talk to alyssa. he treats me the same as he does ********, which is insulting, because she is annoying, and obnoxious and mean, and i am none of those things.
and i was prepared to talk to him about it. but friday was his birthday, and he had the worst weekend out of all of us. and i didn't want to make it worse. so i kept quiet.
then let's talk about Bob. the fucking most disorganized coach ever. Bob, don't ever fucking tell me that you're going to miss my big race b/c of "team issues". Don't fucking give me the relay card 5 seconds before we're supposed to be in the water. and don't fuck up our B relay FOR THE SECOND TIME because you didn't watch the pools. You are first and foremost our coach, not our friend, not our mentor. your job is to be there to take our splits, be there to evaluate our big races, and be able to fucking tell us who is in the relay. that is your job. DO YOUR JOB. (i love how he's not reading any of this. oh well, good venting)
in short, our team is shot. destroyed. virtually incapable of being fixed. two people plus myself have seriously considered quitting after this weekend. theres probably more.we embarassed ourselves so bad in front of some of the fastest teams in the nation. right now, i am SO ashamed to be on Ridgefield Aquatic Club.
there were a few highlights to this weekends miserable events. some good quotes from some good people:
Eric (sees little black kids running around the hotel):"hey look, niglets!"
Ari: " hey ***** what did you do with ********'s leash?
Michael, on the subject of ashley Macentee
"you had to room with her last year? i'm sorry. she had a crush on my brother, and she used to come over and be like 'heyy michael' and i used to be like 'hey slut'"
Stel:WHOA negro
me: stel, that guys white
Stel: oh yea.
and finally, Tom Brown summed it up best:
"i don't give a flying fuck about all of this drama. Where the fuck's my pizza?"
now i'm off to practice. if we even have a team anymore.
also, thanks to kelly and caccy for pulling me through this weekend. i <3 you.