Damn Cats
I've been sitting in front of my computer screen for the past two days trying to come up with the RIGHT words to say or the RIGHT thoughts to put in my journal. But I realized there is no such thing as thinking a right way.. or even feeling a right way. I guess I'll just start off by saying "I'm Sorry", you know who you are. And if you aren't her and are reading this out of curiosity my apologies go out to you as well because this wont make sense to any of you. This will be one of "Joshua's Ranting Posts" which I hope take place on rare occations.
Let me start off by saying I'm a fuck up. Not only am I a fuck up but I managed to make things awkward between one of my best friends and I. When I think about it.. I've managed to make things awkward between not one but two of my best friends and I and maybe even more as the week progresses.
I can't believe mearly two days ago I was trying to get a year worth of feelings for this woman off my case and try to start something up with another woman but I have to face the music, it aint happening. Especially when Heather told me those three words that I just shouldn't have heard - "they broke up".
I spent the rest of the night taking care of Heather since she was sick. Once Heather fell asleep I headed over to "The Cat's" house. We were just talking and one thing lead into another and before I knew it I was running for the door out of embarrasment and then she pounced me. Let me tell ya boy's it's a nice feeling going down but once you hit the floor it hurts like hell. "The Cat" and I taked for another two hours until I told her my feelings for her straight out rather than beating behind the bush for another two hours. I think she was shocked and wanted me to take back what I just had proclaimed. Easier said than done. There have been many cats that i've liked or even loved.. but I like to dream... I guess it didn't effect me before was because in my head I had made up a whole story how she reciprocated the feelings. But.. she didn't and I can't force her too because then they won't be natural.
I'm not a fighter so I refuse to fight amongst the other cats for this cat. It's just not how I communicate. It's not my thing. I didn't plan for any of this to get leaked out. I didn't plan for her to find out or for the other "cats" who like this cat to find out. And I'm sorry they all did because out of the other cats that like this "cat" I think I was one of the ones who could deal with just keeping their feelings inside. I know it's not good to keep these things botteled up but now that things are out in the open I feel like this vaulnarable sixteen year old boy.Note to self: I should really work on my bitching Maybe if I didn't have these feelings for over a year I wouldn't feel this bad? I now learned that if you keep things bottled up they get stronger inside of you and then when you finally do get these feelings out and admit it to the person or in my case a "cat" the feelings just explode.
I guess the only thing I can do now it get over my feelings so my friends can be happy.
Peace,
-Josh
If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I
Let me start off by saying I'm a fuck up. Not only am I a fuck up but I managed to make things awkward between one of my best friends and I. When I think about it.. I've managed to make things awkward between not one but two of my best friends and I and maybe even more as the week progresses.
I can't believe mearly two days ago I was trying to get a year worth of feelings for this woman off my case and try to start something up with another woman but I have to face the music, it aint happening. Especially when Heather told me those three words that I just shouldn't have heard - "they broke up".
I spent the rest of the night taking care of Heather since she was sick. Once Heather fell asleep I headed over to "The Cat's" house. We were just talking and one thing lead into another and before I knew it I was running for the door out of embarrasment and then she pounced me. Let me tell ya boy's it's a nice feeling going down but once you hit the floor it hurts like hell. "The Cat" and I taked for another two hours until I told her my feelings for her straight out rather than beating behind the bush for another two hours. I think she was shocked and wanted me to take back what I just had proclaimed. Easier said than done. There have been many cats that i've liked or even loved.. but I like to dream... I guess it didn't effect me before was because in my head I had made up a whole story how she reciprocated the feelings. But.. she didn't and I can't force her too because then they won't be natural.
I'm not a fighter so I refuse to fight amongst the other cats for this cat. It's just not how I communicate. It's not my thing. I didn't plan for any of this to get leaked out. I didn't plan for her to find out or for the other "cats" who like this cat to find out. And I'm sorry they all did because out of the other cats that like this "cat" I think I was one of the ones who could deal with just keeping their feelings inside. I know it's not good to keep these things botteled up but now that things are out in the open I feel like this vaulnarable sixteen year old boy.Note to self: I should really work on my bitching Maybe if I didn't have these feelings for over a year I wouldn't feel this bad? I now learned that if you keep things bottled up they get stronger inside of you and then when you finally do get these feelings out and admit it to the person or in my case a "cat" the feelings just explode.
I guess the only thing I can do now it get over my feelings so my friends can be happy.
Peace,
-Josh
If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I