Sep 04, 2004 19:02
I realized some pretty strange crap last night. Last night Faye and I went to Coulter's house with Jeremy, John, Coulter, and this kid named Brandon. Anyways, we were just kind of chillin, when all of a sudden Faye starts crying. It was one of those cries that she needed to do just cuz she hadn't cried in a while, im sure you all know what she's talking about, i certainly do. Anyways, it wasnt 2 seconds before she started crying that Coulter was trying to talk her down. He spent an hour telling her so much stuff, most of which I can't remember. All I know is he was trying so hard to make her feel better about life.... which is all beautiful and doesn't sound so odd unless you know what happened earlier in the day. Coulter and his girlfriend broke up, and he was very upset about it. It just struck me as compassionate that he spent so much time trying to make another feel better when he himself was feeling like shit. So many more people need to be this compassionate. It made me just want to hug the crap out of both of them ! Anyways, this brings me to another point, which is about me and my feelings. The car ride to Coulters was he, Faye, Jeremy and I. During part of the ride Coulter said (more to Jeremy than anyone, though we were all listening).. don't ever get so close to anyone that they will do this to you, its not fucking worth it)... and I felt sad. I want Jeremy to be that close to me. I WANT him to be as vunerable to me as I already am to him. I love him, and will do everything in my power to make sure that he is happy. I just got scared, because I realized that I'd do anything to make him happy and deal with it even if it involved not being with me. I'm not EVEN saying there is a breakup in the near future. At this point I see that as almost impossible. But the straight fact is that I'm scared. I'm letting myself love this guy. The first and last time I did that I got burned BAD (im sure we all know who I'm talking about)... and he's so much older and has more experience. It's got to suck a little for him having this girlfriend who is BLANK year(s) younger than him and has blank years less knowledge. I'm just going on and on. This probably won't stop unless I go now lol. I love all of you sooo much and miss you terribly !