The Body
The title for this
entry is really rather
ironic;
and not one of those
"ha ha" ironies,
it's one of those really cruel
ironies.
This is how it began...
I was with my friend Walter
on Saturday night, we went to his
place and hung out and had drinks,
and we drank for hours, he went
to bed and I decided to
stay up for a few more
hours and have a
few more to drink
before I go to
sleep.
I finally got to bed
at about 10 am
and awoke four hours
later by Walter
waking me up telling me
he was going out,
so I stayed there
on the couch.
I couldn't fall back to sleep,
however, and so
I just rested.
At about six pm
he returns,
but he brings someone
with him.
She was an ex-fiancé
of his, he ran into
her at a drop-in centre
during the supper hour.
I'd been suffering from a
hangover for the
last few hours,
so I was in rough shape
when they came in.
Walter introduced me
to her and her name was Charleen or
Charmain, well, it was
"Char" something or other
anyway.
I'm horrible with names.
They'd obviously been drinking
before they got to his place,
she was of Indian or Pakistani
descent, her parents I'm sure
were born there.
So she and Walter sat out in
the living room for about
a half hour before they went into
his room.
Meanwhile, I sat out in the living
room trying to get
over this hangover
that I had.
Over the next several hours
they both listened
to music,
specifically,
ColdPlay.
You could also hear them
talking amongst themselves.
While I decided to play some Sega
that Walter had.
Every once in a while he would
come out of his room
and sit and talk with me
and then go back into his
room with her.
Eventually, I decided to watch some
movies.
The first one I watched
was Star Trek: Nemesis,
the following
was a movie with
Antonio Banderas and it was called
The Body.
It was a good movie.
I started watching
movies at about 10 pm or so,
by 11 pm, everyone was quiet.
Both of the other two
went to sleep.
Walter every few hours in the
night would wake up,
come out and sit on
the couch and talk
with me for about
five or ten minutes,
then go back into
his room and listen
to music,
the music was sort of
loud,
I was surprised that his girl friend(?)
didn't wake up from
time to time.
Much of the night I watched
movies and Walter slept
off and on.
By six something in the am
I was so completely
tired and still a little hungover,
that I decided
to finally go to
sleep.
Two hours later I hear
Walter calling my name.
I was so tired I
ignored the first time
he called my name.
But, by the second time
I answered and I was
like "What?"
and he says to me
"Shayne, I think she's dead!"
I thought "yeah right",
I was a bit skeptical
about that.
I think he asks me
to check
on her,
like her pulse.
I don't remember
exactly.
At any rate, I go into his
room and I see her
laying there
and it
looks like she's
sleeping,
but I got worried
when I saw her
as it
just
didn't
seem right to me.
I sat down on the bed
and I put my
finger on the
area of where
her pulse would be
I touched her skin
and knew she was
gone.
her skin was
ice
cold.
I'd never seen a
dead
body
before,
I was immediately
in shock.
I went back into the living room
and sat back down on the couch
while Walter called the paramedics.
Do you know how disturbing
it feels when you've seen
someone dead
and even touched
a dead body?
It was something that really disturbed
me,
it would be
accurate to say
that it freaked
me out.
The paramedics got there,
followed by the police
a very short time later.
Walter and I sat
out on the fire escape as
the police took over the apartment.
Walter by this time
was freaking out, crying, and
overall in bad shape.
I was in shock and feeling
numb,
I really didn't
know how to feel,
I just felt
very
bad.
I remember my stomach
was twisting knots and
my hands were
shaky.
It was the start of a
Very
Bad
Day.
When the police were
questioning Walter,
he was at times getting defensive,
and getting defensive isn't
a good thing.
I've seen it enough
on TV what happens.
You start getting defensive
with the police and
it starts making
you look a little
suspicious.
I'm sure because of the death,
he was already on the suspect list,
as I am sure that, because I was
there as well, I am on it also.
I mean she was
still pretty young when she
died.
She was but a month older than Walter
himself, which is 39 years old.
So of course a death like
that will have suspicions.
While people who just up and die at her
age is not
unheard of,
it is very rare.
Even to me it all seems a little odd.
If I hadn't known Walter for so
long, I would be suspicious
that he might have had
something to do with her death,
but it does seem so odd for her
to die, so young.
Walter and I sat out on the fire escape
for quite a few hours as the
police worked the scene.
Finally, they asked him and I to
come down to the station
to get our statements.
We went downstairs and I was asked to
sit in the car, Walter went across
the street to talk to his
neighbors.
While I was sitting in the car,
The detective started asking me
some things about what had happened.
He also asked me if Walter was bringing me
into something and of course he
meant something bad....
like something involved with her death,
which of course Walter wasn't and said
no to him.
Neither myself or Walter knew
what caused her death,
I trust Walter enough to
think that he hadn't done
anything to her at any point while
I was in the living room.
This is what I know. She went to sleep
and she just never reawoke.
I have no idea what she could
have died from, I can only guess.
I know she was in the hospital
at some point recently
as she had on
a hospital bracelet
on her wrist;
so perhaps her death
had something to
do with that.
She could have also had
an aneurysm
or maybe she had
an undetected congenital
heart defect.
Those are only my
guesses,
whether or not
any of those could be it,
I have no idea.
At any rate, we went to the
station and got our statements
done, I was there for about
an hour or just over an hour;
Walter was a little bit
longer, so the officer
who interveiwed me said
he would tell Walter where I
was gone so he could meet up with me
later.
Walter never ended meeting up
with me, and I'd waited for
him. I suppose that he wanted
to be by himself
and I can understand
that.
He must have been feeling
pretty wrecked.
I know I've not
felt very good myself.
The shock and numbness
is still there for me,
but there are times where
I start getting shaky hands,
depression. My stomach
knots, I have my stomach
acid burning and
I also get anxiety attacks;
I have anxiety attacks
as it is, however,
because of this I've had
a few more since yesterday.
I had one this morning just shortly after
I ran into Walter.
Overall, it's just been bad.
I feel
horrible,
somber,
sobered,
confused,
uncomprehending,
tense,
disturbed,
rattled,
depressed,
blah,
blah,
blah.
I really hope to God
that no one ever
has to feel this way.
It has to be the worst
sort of feeling, it's a
Very
Bad
Thing.
I don't look
at things
quite the same
way.
Anyone who says something
funny,
I may laugh,
but it's a half-hearted one
at best.
It's constantly on my mind,
I see her laying
on the bed in my
minds eye,
remembering the cold feeling
of her skin
when I was looking for a pulse
and finding none.
I don't feel that good,
I feel pretty bad.
She seemd like a nice
person,
though I'd only met her
for about a hlf
hour before she
went into Walters
room.
I hadn't talked to her
after that one time
in the living room.
It's not been a good day,
not today,
not yesterday;
it's been awful.
She had died
sometime during
the night.
After 11 pm, she
was silent.
She probably died
between 10 pm and 12 midnight.
So watching a movie called
The Body
is rather a cruel irony.
Another harsh, cruel irony
is that she probably
died on
September the 11th.
I don't feel very good.
I hope I never go
Through
This
Again.
This is going to
be an awful week....
entry is really rather
ironic;
and not one of those
"ha ha" ironies,
it's one of those really cruel
ironies.
This is how it began...
I was with my friend Walter
on Saturday night, we went to his
place and hung out and had drinks,
and we drank for hours, he went
to bed and I decided to
stay up for a few more
hours and have a
few more to drink
before I go to
sleep.
I finally got to bed
at about 10 am
and awoke four hours
later by Walter
waking me up telling me
he was going out,
so I stayed there
on the couch.
I couldn't fall back to sleep,
however, and so
I just rested.
At about six pm
he returns,
but he brings someone
with him.
She was an ex-fiancé
of his, he ran into
her at a drop-in centre
during the supper hour.
I'd been suffering from a
hangover for the
last few hours,
so I was in rough shape
when they came in.
Walter introduced me
to her and her name was Charleen or
Charmain, well, it was
"Char" something or other
anyway.
I'm horrible with names.
They'd obviously been drinking
before they got to his place,
she was of Indian or Pakistani
descent, her parents I'm sure
were born there.
So she and Walter sat out in
the living room for about
a half hour before they went into
his room.
Meanwhile, I sat out in the living
room trying to get
over this hangover
that I had.
Over the next several hours
they both listened
to music,
specifically,
ColdPlay.
You could also hear them
talking amongst themselves.
While I decided to play some Sega
that Walter had.
Every once in a while he would
come out of his room
and sit and talk with me
and then go back into his
room with her.
Eventually, I decided to watch some
movies.
The first one I watched
was Star Trek: Nemesis,
the following
was a movie with
Antonio Banderas and it was called
The Body.
It was a good movie.
I started watching
movies at about 10 pm or so,
by 11 pm, everyone was quiet.
Both of the other two
went to sleep.
Walter every few hours in the
night would wake up,
come out and sit on
the couch and talk
with me for about
five or ten minutes,
then go back into
his room and listen
to music,
the music was sort of
loud,
I was surprised that his girl friend(?)
didn't wake up from
time to time.
Much of the night I watched
movies and Walter slept
off and on.
By six something in the am
I was so completely
tired and still a little hungover,
that I decided
to finally go to
sleep.
Two hours later I hear
Walter calling my name.
I was so tired I
ignored the first time
he called my name.
But, by the second time
I answered and I was
like "What?"
and he says to me
"Shayne, I think she's dead!"
I thought "yeah right",
I was a bit skeptical
about that.
I think he asks me
to check
on her,
like her pulse.
I don't remember
exactly.
At any rate, I go into his
room and I see her
laying there
and it
looks like she's
sleeping,
but I got worried
when I saw her
as it
just
didn't
seem right to me.
I sat down on the bed
and I put my
finger on the
area of where
her pulse would be
I touched her skin
and knew she was
gone.
her skin was
ice
cold.
I'd never seen a
dead
body
before,
I was immediately
in shock.
I went back into the living room
and sat back down on the couch
while Walter called the paramedics.
Do you know how disturbing
it feels when you've seen
someone dead
and even touched
a dead body?
It was something that really disturbed
me,
it would be
accurate to say
that it freaked
me out.
The paramedics got there,
followed by the police
a very short time later.
Walter and I sat
out on the fire escape as
the police took over the apartment.
Walter by this time
was freaking out, crying, and
overall in bad shape.
I was in shock and feeling
numb,
I really didn't
know how to feel,
I just felt
very
bad.
I remember my stomach
was twisting knots and
my hands were
shaky.
It was the start of a
Very
Bad
Day.
When the police were
questioning Walter,
he was at times getting defensive,
and getting defensive isn't
a good thing.
I've seen it enough
on TV what happens.
You start getting defensive
with the police and
it starts making
you look a little
suspicious.
I'm sure because of the death,
he was already on the suspect list,
as I am sure that, because I was
there as well, I am on it also.
I mean she was
still pretty young when she
died.
She was but a month older than Walter
himself, which is 39 years old.
So of course a death like
that will have suspicions.
While people who just up and die at her
age is not
unheard of,
it is very rare.
Even to me it all seems a little odd.
If I hadn't known Walter for so
long, I would be suspicious
that he might have had
something to do with her death,
but it does seem so odd for her
to die, so young.
Walter and I sat out on the fire escape
for quite a few hours as the
police worked the scene.
Finally, they asked him and I to
come down to the station
to get our statements.
We went downstairs and I was asked to
sit in the car, Walter went across
the street to talk to his
neighbors.
While I was sitting in the car,
The detective started asking me
some things about what had happened.
He also asked me if Walter was bringing me
into something and of course he
meant something bad....
like something involved with her death,
which of course Walter wasn't and said
no to him.
Neither myself or Walter knew
what caused her death,
I trust Walter enough to
think that he hadn't done
anything to her at any point while
I was in the living room.
This is what I know. She went to sleep
and she just never reawoke.
I have no idea what she could
have died from, I can only guess.
I know she was in the hospital
at some point recently
as she had on
a hospital bracelet
on her wrist;
so perhaps her death
had something to
do with that.
She could have also had
an aneurysm
or maybe she had
an undetected congenital
heart defect.
Those are only my
guesses,
whether or not
any of those could be it,
I have no idea.
At any rate, we went to the
station and got our statements
done, I was there for about
an hour or just over an hour;
Walter was a little bit
longer, so the officer
who interveiwed me said
he would tell Walter where I
was gone so he could meet up with me
later.
Walter never ended meeting up
with me, and I'd waited for
him. I suppose that he wanted
to be by himself
and I can understand
that.
He must have been feeling
pretty wrecked.
I know I've not
felt very good myself.
The shock and numbness
is still there for me,
but there are times where
I start getting shaky hands,
depression. My stomach
knots, I have my stomach
acid burning and
I also get anxiety attacks;
I have anxiety attacks
as it is, however,
because of this I've had
a few more since yesterday.
I had one this morning just shortly after
I ran into Walter.
Overall, it's just been bad.
I feel
horrible,
somber,
sobered,
confused,
uncomprehending,
tense,
disturbed,
rattled,
depressed,
blah,
blah,
blah.
I really hope to God
that no one ever
has to feel this way.
It has to be the worst
sort of feeling, it's a
Very
Bad
Thing.
I don't look
at things
quite the same
way.
Anyone who says something
funny,
I may laugh,
but it's a half-hearted one
at best.
It's constantly on my mind,
I see her laying
on the bed in my
minds eye,
remembering the cold feeling
of her skin
when I was looking for a pulse
and finding none.
I don't feel that good,
I feel pretty bad.
She seemd like a nice
person,
though I'd only met her
for about a hlf
hour before she
went into Walters
room.
I hadn't talked to her
after that one time
in the living room.
It's not been a good day,
not today,
not yesterday;
it's been awful.
She had died
sometime during
the night.
After 11 pm, she
was silent.
She probably died
between 10 pm and 12 midnight.
So watching a movie called
The Body
is rather a cruel irony.
Another harsh, cruel irony
is that she probably
died on
September the 11th.
I don't feel very good.
I hope I never go
Through
This
Again.
This is going to
be an awful week....