(no subject)
major frustration in my life at the moment
work is fine, but boring.... the show is frustrating... and god forbid i elaborate on that....
I'm starting to get sad because I don't have anyone I am really close with. like, no one.... and people I thought I was close with or i used to be close with, I am not anymore. Obviously it is natural when we go through changes in our live like new jobs and new relationships, it's hard to stay as close with everyone.... but somehow in my life I have managed to not stay close with anyone.... I have people that I go out with to catch up every once in a while, but no friends i hand out with on a regular basis (except whoever I happen to be doing a show with at the moment)... And I do feel like it is my own fault, but I don't know how to change it.
Realizing that the holidays are coming up doesn't help either... Thanksgiving and Christmas are usually not good times for me... It sounds stupid, but not stupid, but still stupid, but I think part of it is that I never have anyone to share it with. last year I had thought I was going to spend at least New Year's with Joe, which clearly didn't happen.... and then after Easter with Simon's family i had hoped we would still be together now and for the holidays, which clearly we are not..... but with all the other frustrations and worries in my life at the moment, haveing to deal with the holidays also is an overwhelming thought
and usually I love Christmas... or at least, I love the idea of Christmas.... I love decorating and shopping and all that jazz, but on the actual day I don't feel all that great.... my mom doesn't let me sleep in, which is sad... and then we all have to actually get ready for all the people who come to my house, and have food that isn't my favorite.... but since they come over very early, they also leave very early and Erin and I embrace the jew side of us and go to the movies. That part is fun.... I think part of the upsetness is that my family is so CRAZY, and they say bitchy things, or something not really meant in a bad way, but they just don't realize it was completely bitchy, and then no one says anything to them, they just complain behind their backs, and it makes me very upset, and it's usually really hard to shake off the being upset... my grandmother is usually good for those bitchy comments.... I drink heavily on the holidays
when I start writing these things they always turn out so random and not at all about what they were supposed to be about.... it goes along with not having close friends to talk to about this stuff... anywho.... I am at work and very bored, so I have nothing better to do with my time...
I feel like that whole sad at the hoidays thing made me sound like a spaoiled brat, which I'm not (I don't think)... but you can't really help how you feel....
on another subject, boys are weird.... I'm still missing Simon, which is to be expected.... I actually think hanging out with his sister helped a little though.... and their are prospects.... I don't know if they are real prospects, because I never think anyone really likes me, but for me they are people who i kind of like and want to get to know better.... and then there are weird boy situations.... like my brothers friend, and I have no idea what I want to happen there.... I think just the fact that he lives kind of far and wanted me to be the one to drive there says something.... I mean something besides the fact that he clearly just wants it to be a physical relationship, which I don't think I am ok with.
yeah, boys are weird.... I wish I could find one with Gary's looks, Ted's personality, Simon's treatment of women, and Joe's sex drive.... is that too much to ask?!
I'm bored...
oooo, and on a good note, it's fall!!!!! I'm so excited!!! and it's chilly today, and I wore a turtleneck!!! I think fall is seriously the most beautiful season!.... I love driving down the road and seeing all the different colored leaves, with a good CD playing... it'll be a very pretty drive to the theatre, which will be the only good thing about the drive to the theatre, b/c it's a long drive... lol, however not as long as the drive to Bakers...
work is fine, but boring.... the show is frustrating... and god forbid i elaborate on that....
I'm starting to get sad because I don't have anyone I am really close with. like, no one.... and people I thought I was close with or i used to be close with, I am not anymore. Obviously it is natural when we go through changes in our live like new jobs and new relationships, it's hard to stay as close with everyone.... but somehow in my life I have managed to not stay close with anyone.... I have people that I go out with to catch up every once in a while, but no friends i hand out with on a regular basis (except whoever I happen to be doing a show with at the moment)... And I do feel like it is my own fault, but I don't know how to change it.
Realizing that the holidays are coming up doesn't help either... Thanksgiving and Christmas are usually not good times for me... It sounds stupid, but not stupid, but still stupid, but I think part of it is that I never have anyone to share it with. last year I had thought I was going to spend at least New Year's with Joe, which clearly didn't happen.... and then after Easter with Simon's family i had hoped we would still be together now and for the holidays, which clearly we are not..... but with all the other frustrations and worries in my life at the moment, haveing to deal with the holidays also is an overwhelming thought
and usually I love Christmas... or at least, I love the idea of Christmas.... I love decorating and shopping and all that jazz, but on the actual day I don't feel all that great.... my mom doesn't let me sleep in, which is sad... and then we all have to actually get ready for all the people who come to my house, and have food that isn't my favorite.... but since they come over very early, they also leave very early and Erin and I embrace the jew side of us and go to the movies. That part is fun.... I think part of the upsetness is that my family is so CRAZY, and they say bitchy things, or something not really meant in a bad way, but they just don't realize it was completely bitchy, and then no one says anything to them, they just complain behind their backs, and it makes me very upset, and it's usually really hard to shake off the being upset... my grandmother is usually good for those bitchy comments.... I drink heavily on the holidays
when I start writing these things they always turn out so random and not at all about what they were supposed to be about.... it goes along with not having close friends to talk to about this stuff... anywho.... I am at work and very bored, so I have nothing better to do with my time...
I feel like that whole sad at the hoidays thing made me sound like a spaoiled brat, which I'm not (I don't think)... but you can't really help how you feel....
on another subject, boys are weird.... I'm still missing Simon, which is to be expected.... I actually think hanging out with his sister helped a little though.... and their are prospects.... I don't know if they are real prospects, because I never think anyone really likes me, but for me they are people who i kind of like and want to get to know better.... and then there are weird boy situations.... like my brothers friend, and I have no idea what I want to happen there.... I think just the fact that he lives kind of far and wanted me to be the one to drive there says something.... I mean something besides the fact that he clearly just wants it to be a physical relationship, which I don't think I am ok with.
yeah, boys are weird.... I wish I could find one with Gary's looks, Ted's personality, Simon's treatment of women, and Joe's sex drive.... is that too much to ask?!
I'm bored...
oooo, and on a good note, it's fall!!!!! I'm so excited!!! and it's chilly today, and I wore a turtleneck!!! I think fall is seriously the most beautiful season!.... I love driving down the road and seeing all the different colored leaves, with a good CD playing... it'll be a very pretty drive to the theatre, which will be the only good thing about the drive to the theatre, b/c it's a long drive... lol, however not as long as the drive to Bakers...