Four three two one
I'm one of those Moms who responds with laughter when her baby speaks loudly in public, screeches, hollers. I do not say "shush." I do not apologize to those in hearing range. I just laugh and gush over the cuteness of my loud, disruptive baby.
I'm also now one of those Moms who says things like "my house is a mess, I just haven't had time..." and "I hardly have time to shower anymore, the baby takes up every second of my life" which are things we all hear mothers say. Until now when I've heard a mother say this I've told myself inside that I won't be that way. Or I've just felt sorry for her. But the truth is there's a pride in this. There's a joy in letting every single thing fall aside as you focus on one absolutely obviously worthwhile endeavor. It's rare, the clarity that comes with taking care of a baby.
So I am one of those Moms now who has absolute clarity, but is also an unshowered, un-made-up, sleep-deprived mess. It's fun. I have never been happier.
I am also so happy for the season and the excuses to be my messy self around friends. I haven't been too too social, but what social life I've managed has been so enjoyable. As Keaton gets more able to entertain himself I'm sure I'll be more able to clean house and host dinner parties. Right?
The thing is, I want another baby. I do not want to be pregnant again or go through labor again or have the post-partum issues I've been having again, but I also want our family to be bigger, and I want Keaton to have a sibling. But as I sit here, hurting from thrush again, I wonder if I can face this ridiculously long recovery period again. Why am I the only person in the world who can't bounce back from childbirth? Well, me and those women who die doing it, I suppose. Why can't my body get back together yet?
Once the thrush is really gone I'm sure I'll be in a better place, except the memory of the thrush may last forever. And the torn intestine. Ouch. I may never be brave enough to attempt this again.
I'm rambling. I do that a lot. Perhaps the sleep deprivation?
Snack time.