Depression.
I just really need to let it all out right now.
I am going through the worst time with depression in my life. 2008 has been the worst year ever for me. NOTHING is going right for me. My life is a wreck and I have no idea about how to fix it, and the only way I see about how to fix it is not good at all. I just feel like crying all the time. I hate my job. I hate a lot of the people I work with. I hate where I live. I just don't have anything at all in my life that makes me happy. Nothing.
I work graveyard and I am always tired. It doesn't feel like I ever get enough rest. It's hell. Pure hell. I hate it, but I have no choice. I have to work there because I can't get another job to save my life. Ugh. I don't make enough money. I work the graveyard shift all alone and I don't make any more money than the rest of the people that work there. It's BULLSHIT! I do all of the work and I'm not even paid for it? I hate my life.
I can't seem to get ahead when it comes to paying my bills. I don't get why, but it just seems like I never have enough money. I was dumb earlier this year and quit because I was on the verge of suicide, but here I am again in that same place and part of it is because I quit then. I was in no state to work, but I guess I should have stayed. At least then I wouldn't be where I am now. I owe so many people and I have no idea how I'm going to ever get out of this hole. Plus, I have one bill that my sister is paying and it's like pulling teeth to get that money. UGH!!!!!!!!
I finally found something I want to study in school, but the odds are against me again! The program costs $20,000+ everywhere. $20,000! Where the fuck is that supposed to come from? Now I know people would just say to do something else, or go somewhere else, but it's the only thing outside of music/dancing/singing/acting/writing that I'm interested in. The program is not offered at any community college, so I have to go to one of the 3 trade schools that offers it near me. So, now I am stuck in the place where I have finally found a career to get out of poverty with, but poverty is keeping me from going to school to get it. Can it be over now please?
The rent is about to go up again. That means there will be a lot of drama with my mom because we will both always be broke. Whenever we get into this place we fight a lot. Of course it's my fault that this is happening and she will blame me. She says she won't, but I know she will. She keeps having this fantasy about moving, but how can that ever happen if we will always be broke? We won't have any money to save because it will all go to rent/bills/food/bus passes.
My mom could help out more by getting another job. Will she? No. She's content with being miserable. She's grown into being ok with being broke because that's all she knows, so she takes me down with her. She doesn't care that I'm so stressed/depressed that I want to die. She won't look for another job. I mean, I'm trying, but why isn't she trying to? Why does she want to make what she does at 50? Why won't she make my life easier? Her getting another job right now would relieve a lot of stress.
I'm loosing all of my friends because I sleep all day and I work all night. Now I'm lonely. It's very hard to meet people with this schedule. I don't know how to get my body used to doing this so that I can get my life back. It seems like the longer I work the more tired I get. I don't ever go to hang out anymore. I have not been to my cousin's house all summer. What the fuck? Why is this my life? What did I do to deserve this? Why can't I get another job so that I can get my life back?
I'm just tired of this shit. I really don't feel like I can take it much longer. It just really really sucks. Ugh!
I am going through the worst time with depression in my life. 2008 has been the worst year ever for me. NOTHING is going right for me. My life is a wreck and I have no idea about how to fix it, and the only way I see about how to fix it is not good at all. I just feel like crying all the time. I hate my job. I hate a lot of the people I work with. I hate where I live. I just don't have anything at all in my life that makes me happy. Nothing.
I work graveyard and I am always tired. It doesn't feel like I ever get enough rest. It's hell. Pure hell. I hate it, but I have no choice. I have to work there because I can't get another job to save my life. Ugh. I don't make enough money. I work the graveyard shift all alone and I don't make any more money than the rest of the people that work there. It's BULLSHIT! I do all of the work and I'm not even paid for it? I hate my life.
I can't seem to get ahead when it comes to paying my bills. I don't get why, but it just seems like I never have enough money. I was dumb earlier this year and quit because I was on the verge of suicide, but here I am again in that same place and part of it is because I quit then. I was in no state to work, but I guess I should have stayed. At least then I wouldn't be where I am now. I owe so many people and I have no idea how I'm going to ever get out of this hole. Plus, I have one bill that my sister is paying and it's like pulling teeth to get that money. UGH!!!!!!!!
I finally found something I want to study in school, but the odds are against me again! The program costs $20,000+ everywhere. $20,000! Where the fuck is that supposed to come from? Now I know people would just say to do something else, or go somewhere else, but it's the only thing outside of music/dancing/singing/acting/writing that I'm interested in. The program is not offered at any community college, so I have to go to one of the 3 trade schools that offers it near me. So, now I am stuck in the place where I have finally found a career to get out of poverty with, but poverty is keeping me from going to school to get it. Can it be over now please?
The rent is about to go up again. That means there will be a lot of drama with my mom because we will both always be broke. Whenever we get into this place we fight a lot. Of course it's my fault that this is happening and she will blame me. She says she won't, but I know she will. She keeps having this fantasy about moving, but how can that ever happen if we will always be broke? We won't have any money to save because it will all go to rent/bills/food/bus passes.
My mom could help out more by getting another job. Will she? No. She's content with being miserable. She's grown into being ok with being broke because that's all she knows, so she takes me down with her. She doesn't care that I'm so stressed/depressed that I want to die. She won't look for another job. I mean, I'm trying, but why isn't she trying to? Why does she want to make what she does at 50? Why won't she make my life easier? Her getting another job right now would relieve a lot of stress.
I'm loosing all of my friends because I sleep all day and I work all night. Now I'm lonely. It's very hard to meet people with this schedule. I don't know how to get my body used to doing this so that I can get my life back. It seems like the longer I work the more tired I get. I don't ever go to hang out anymore. I have not been to my cousin's house all summer. What the fuck? Why is this my life? What did I do to deserve this? Why can't I get another job so that I can get my life back?
I'm just tired of this shit. I really don't feel like I can take it much longer. It just really really sucks. Ugh!