(no subject)
Let's be honest.
What do you like to do?
Watch Louie
Eating
Thinking about eating
Preparing things to eat
Sitting comatose after eating
Pooping in my roommate's bathroom
Looking at my cat
Watering plants
Sleeping
Cutting small pieces of paper and arranging the pieces and gluing them like a 4 year old child
Not showering
Drinking water
Drinking coffee
Sitting
Not doing things that aren't previously mentioned
And there really isn't much else to that list. That's it, for now. It's funny how adaptable people can be, before this accident I liked doing all sorts of things. But now, I have more in common with a 40 year old man than I do with the girls my age. I should ask, what's so bad about having something in common with a 40 year old man? Then I should answer: because you have your whole life to be a 40 year old man, and that man wasn't 40 until he was 40. He was 20 when he was 20, but now he's 40, and so it's okay. But I should not have conversations with myself.
I am literally asking myself, "So what now?" What is there to do next at 9am? I've done everything on the above list, so that was a pretty easy day. I haven't watered my plants yet, but I've done everything that I like to do, and I've done it before 9:30 am. I should study for my Spanish exams is what I should do. The answer to why you do things that you don't like to do is that you have to do them so you can continue to like the things you like. Because now I don't do much that I don't like to do, and the things I used to like are no longer enjoyable. I don't want to shop for pretty girl things because showering is a waste of time, so shopping is a wasted effort. I don't like to read because it inspires you to get off the couch, because you just read something that you like, and now you want to change something in your life. I don't want to change anything because my back hurts and I'm a 40 year old man so change is futile. I'm also insane apparently.
I don't want to play video games because when you turn the game off you're right back where you started, on the couch and wondering what's next. And accomplishing something virtually is even more retarded than accomplishing something in real life. Why wouldn't I want to accomplish something in real life? Because when it comes back down to it, all we ever want is to be able to sit on our asses and do nothing. That's what I'm doing, and I'm trying to tell you that it's not that great. So try and try and try, if that's what you like to do. If trying is the thing that gets your boner off the ground, then awesome because if you're going for results, ultimately your goal is to end up where I'm sitting and that is so achievable you can get it without all of that annoying "trying".
I applied makeup to my boyfriend's lip today because he had a pimple and he didn't want to look like he had the herp as he's trying to convince patients to disclose sensitive information to him. He gives valiant effort, so that one day he might be able to sit comfortably beside me on the couch and watch more television.
Are you depressed reading this, or have you concluded I'm a loser? Maybe your goal isn't to end up on the couch next to your friends or spouse and you're going to do or continue to do awesome things with your one life you have. That's probably awesome. I can't relate to that, clearly. What I can say is that I'm willing to do the bare minimum to survive, and if that were to include getting up before dawn every day to do some agriculture/horticulture honest work kind of shit, I would do it. How does that sound? That sounds admirable, doesn't it? Why? Because I'm working harder to achieve the bare minimum? Because I would do more to end with the same result? .......are you saying yes to this? Because it takes more will power and strength to work harder to achieve the same result? That sucks.
That sucks, that sucks.
I have been tested recently and I have failed. I have awhile longer to live so I guess I'm going to try again, and see if I can resist giving in to failure next time. If I knew I was going to die I can't say that anything would really drive me to leave a great mark that I really tried hard on something, like in my eulogy they could say that I was admirable for this or that... I'm really not going to care because I'll be dead... even though I'm a Christian like there were good people that went to heaven that didn't have to leave a mark on society or their family or whatever.
Between the time that I wrote about not showering and this word I've showered and put on clean clothes and prayed that I would find something to want. Job popped into my head because I was in a car accident and I forgot how to want thi, the poor guy had everything put on him and he just lived for Jesus. I guess I'm not making Jesus happy by giving my ass bed sores. I guess. Dang, people are such pieces of shit.
That's really my point.
How horrible is this? Jesus, I'm not good for anything. Please use me to do something good in the world. Thanks, Amen.
Cause-if I was good for something, I wouldn't ask. And that is why I'm a Christian, because I am LESS than good for nothing, and I know it.
What do you like to do?
Watch Louie
Eating
Thinking about eating
Preparing things to eat
Sitting comatose after eating
Pooping in my roommate's bathroom
Looking at my cat
Watering plants
Sleeping
Cutting small pieces of paper and arranging the pieces and gluing them like a 4 year old child
Not showering
Drinking water
Drinking coffee
Sitting
Not doing things that aren't previously mentioned
And there really isn't much else to that list. That's it, for now. It's funny how adaptable people can be, before this accident I liked doing all sorts of things. But now, I have more in common with a 40 year old man than I do with the girls my age. I should ask, what's so bad about having something in common with a 40 year old man? Then I should answer: because you have your whole life to be a 40 year old man, and that man wasn't 40 until he was 40. He was 20 when he was 20, but now he's 40, and so it's okay. But I should not have conversations with myself.
I am literally asking myself, "So what now?" What is there to do next at 9am? I've done everything on the above list, so that was a pretty easy day. I haven't watered my plants yet, but I've done everything that I like to do, and I've done it before 9:30 am. I should study for my Spanish exams is what I should do. The answer to why you do things that you don't like to do is that you have to do them so you can continue to like the things you like. Because now I don't do much that I don't like to do, and the things I used to like are no longer enjoyable. I don't want to shop for pretty girl things because showering is a waste of time, so shopping is a wasted effort. I don't like to read because it inspires you to get off the couch, because you just read something that you like, and now you want to change something in your life. I don't want to change anything because my back hurts and I'm a 40 year old man so change is futile. I'm also insane apparently.
I don't want to play video games because when you turn the game off you're right back where you started, on the couch and wondering what's next. And accomplishing something virtually is even more retarded than accomplishing something in real life. Why wouldn't I want to accomplish something in real life? Because when it comes back down to it, all we ever want is to be able to sit on our asses and do nothing. That's what I'm doing, and I'm trying to tell you that it's not that great. So try and try and try, if that's what you like to do. If trying is the thing that gets your boner off the ground, then awesome because if you're going for results, ultimately your goal is to end up where I'm sitting and that is so achievable you can get it without all of that annoying "trying".
I applied makeup to my boyfriend's lip today because he had a pimple and he didn't want to look like he had the herp as he's trying to convince patients to disclose sensitive information to him. He gives valiant effort, so that one day he might be able to sit comfortably beside me on the couch and watch more television.
Are you depressed reading this, or have you concluded I'm a loser? Maybe your goal isn't to end up on the couch next to your friends or spouse and you're going to do or continue to do awesome things with your one life you have. That's probably awesome. I can't relate to that, clearly. What I can say is that I'm willing to do the bare minimum to survive, and if that were to include getting up before dawn every day to do some agriculture/horticulture honest work kind of shit, I would do it. How does that sound? That sounds admirable, doesn't it? Why? Because I'm working harder to achieve the bare minimum? Because I would do more to end with the same result? .......are you saying yes to this? Because it takes more will power and strength to work harder to achieve the same result? That sucks.
That sucks, that sucks.
I have been tested recently and I have failed. I have awhile longer to live so I guess I'm going to try again, and see if I can resist giving in to failure next time. If I knew I was going to die I can't say that anything would really drive me to leave a great mark that I really tried hard on something, like in my eulogy they could say that I was admirable for this or that... I'm really not going to care because I'll be dead... even though I'm a Christian like there were good people that went to heaven that didn't have to leave a mark on society or their family or whatever.
Between the time that I wrote about not showering and this word I've showered and put on clean clothes and prayed that I would find something to want. Job popped into my head because I was in a car accident and I forgot how to want thi, the poor guy had everything put on him and he just lived for Jesus. I guess I'm not making Jesus happy by giving my ass bed sores. I guess. Dang, people are such pieces of shit.
That's really my point.
How horrible is this? Jesus, I'm not good for anything. Please use me to do something good in the world. Thanks, Amen.
Cause-if I was good for something, I wouldn't ask. And that is why I'm a Christian, because I am LESS than good for nothing, and I know it.