So much confusion, come on over here....
Sometimes I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. Like I don't know where I'm going. Like I have a gift that I don't know how to use. I don't always feel like I live up. Live up to what? That's anyone's guess.
I don't always fit in. Actually, I rarely fit in. That gets lonesome sometimes. Being yourself can either alienate everyone from you, or drawn them in. I hope one day the tables turn for me.
So I'm a bit needy. I need to change. I'll have to work at it. Learn to find more comfort with myself. It's hard to find solace among so much confusion. Being gay is so confusing. There's so much stigma that gay guys are so willing to adopt, portray and inflict on others. It becomes a ridiculously filmed version of a stupid high school movie sometimes. I'd like to believe that everyone will mature with time, but how long do I have to wait before I see this happen? When we are part of a culture that is supposed to embrace people's differences and be accepting, its a mind fuck to watch one person get blasted for not being like everyone else.
I'm just confused.
I know it's wrong to be with someone who already has someone. I don't believe it is wrong to feel love for someone, no matter who they are. If giving love was as easy as giving an insult this world would be a much brighter place. I do regret some of the physical happenings. I do not regret opening my heart and showing someone that I care. I plan to do this more often. More times than not this will result in pain. Pain I don't mind. Pain I can handle. That's just temporary. It's just a distraction from your happiness. I believe everyone is happy. We just get caught up in distractions like pain and death and hatred that shift our attention from the bigger picture. The fact that I love him is more important than the fact that we can't be together. I'm happy that I love him. The pain just reminds me that I'm human. Its a balance I guess. But it gets confusing.
Why do people run? When things get hard they quit. They run away. Why does one disagreement cause a relationship to die? Because people don't want to work to save them. It's easier to walk away. People are so blinded by the illusion of the perfect soulmate that imperfection scares them. There's no such thing as the perfect soulmate. I don't want someone who will kiss my ass and treat me like a godsend. I want him to challenge me and make me think. Because thats when you grow. When you learn and work and strive to become more. I feel very lucky to have freed myself of this illusion at such a young age. Now I dont have to search for the perfect man. I just have to wait for someone who's on my page.
I don't always fit in. Actually, I rarely fit in. That gets lonesome sometimes. Being yourself can either alienate everyone from you, or drawn them in. I hope one day the tables turn for me.
So I'm a bit needy. I need to change. I'll have to work at it. Learn to find more comfort with myself. It's hard to find solace among so much confusion. Being gay is so confusing. There's so much stigma that gay guys are so willing to adopt, portray and inflict on others. It becomes a ridiculously filmed version of a stupid high school movie sometimes. I'd like to believe that everyone will mature with time, but how long do I have to wait before I see this happen? When we are part of a culture that is supposed to embrace people's differences and be accepting, its a mind fuck to watch one person get blasted for not being like everyone else.
I'm just confused.
I know it's wrong to be with someone who already has someone. I don't believe it is wrong to feel love for someone, no matter who they are. If giving love was as easy as giving an insult this world would be a much brighter place. I do regret some of the physical happenings. I do not regret opening my heart and showing someone that I care. I plan to do this more often. More times than not this will result in pain. Pain I don't mind. Pain I can handle. That's just temporary. It's just a distraction from your happiness. I believe everyone is happy. We just get caught up in distractions like pain and death and hatred that shift our attention from the bigger picture. The fact that I love him is more important than the fact that we can't be together. I'm happy that I love him. The pain just reminds me that I'm human. Its a balance I guess. But it gets confusing.
Why do people run? When things get hard they quit. They run away. Why does one disagreement cause a relationship to die? Because people don't want to work to save them. It's easier to walk away. People are so blinded by the illusion of the perfect soulmate that imperfection scares them. There's no such thing as the perfect soulmate. I don't want someone who will kiss my ass and treat me like a godsend. I want him to challenge me and make me think. Because thats when you grow. When you learn and work and strive to become more. I feel very lucky to have freed myself of this illusion at such a young age. Now I dont have to search for the perfect man. I just have to wait for someone who's on my page.