Black Friday
(SCENE ONE: Living room of SAM’s apartment. Pre-dawn, the day after Thanksgiving. Most of the light streams dimly in through the window from an outside security lamp. SAM is quietly getting ready to leave, putting on his coat, hat, etc. Just as he opens the door, KATIE appears from the next room, dressed in her pajamas.)
KATIE
Hey. Have a good time shopping.
SAM
Good morning!
KATIE
I’m sorry. I tried to get up, I just couldn’t.
SAM
Are you okay?
KATIE
Yeah, I just felt like I was plastered to the bed.
(he closes the door and walks over to her to kiss her)
SAM
Did my family keep you up?
KATIE
No.
SAM
We get pretty loud.
KATIE
I didn’t hear.
SAM
My dad has quite a cackle. And my mom. And all of us.
KATIE
They’re really sweet.
SAM
And any kids we have will, too. I apologize in advance.
KATIE
How late were they here?
SAM
I think they left around one? Two?
KATIE
Wow.
SAM
Thanks for coming here and helping me host. Thanksgiving is pretty big in my family.
KATIE
They must think I’m such a drag.
SAM
No! No, I told them you’re not a night person. They like you.
KATIE
I hope so.
SAM
You’ll be happy to know your waist-to-hip ratio has been approved by my mom.
KATIE
I wanted... I wanted to, uh, “sparkle,” I wanted to be a presence for them, but I couldn’t open my mouth. I’m sorry.
SAM
Hon. No, you were great. You held your own.
(KATIE forces a smile.)
KATIE
I don’t want to make you late.
SAM
No, throw on your boots and your coat. You won’t be the only one at the mall in your pajamas, I promise.
KATIE
No, it’s all right. I hate people. Crowds, I mean. I’m just not up for it.
SAM
All right. That’ll make it easier for me to shop for you.
KATIE
Okay. Go bust some doors. Find some bargains.
SAM
All right. I’ll see you in a few hours.
(SAM is about to leave. KATIE grabs his hand and pulls him into a hug. They are silent a few seconds.)
Go back to bed. Get some more sleep.
KATIE
Okay.
SAM
Love you.
KATIE
Love you too.
(SAM leaves. KATIE stares at the closed door. She goes to the couch, sits, and rests her head back. She gets up and exits into the adjoining room. She returns with a Tupperware container and a fork. She sits, opens the Tupperware, and begins eating stuffing, staring straight ahead.)
(SCENE TWO: There is minimal light; the room has the dimness of a wintery afternoon, and the drapes are closed. KATIE is on the couch, hugging a pillow to her chest. The Tupperware container is still on the coffee table.)
(We hear SAM singing happily from outside.)
SAM
(singing)
God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing ye dismay!
Remember Christ our sa-avior was born on Christmas day!
(he enters the apartment carrying shopping bags)
Dark in here.
(He opens the drapes and the room brightens. He continues singing.)
Remember something something something when we go astray!
(spoken)
How would you punctuate that? “God rest ye merry gentlemen?”
KATIE
How would I punctuate it?
SAM
Where would you put the comma?
KATIE
I wouldn’t.
SAM
Most people would put the comma after “ye.” “God rest ye, comma, merry gentlemen.” That’s wrong. It’s after the “merry.” “God rest ye merry, comma, gentlemen.” All you gentlemen? May God rest ye nice ... and ... merry.
(He kisses her)
KATIE
Why are you telling me this?
SAM
The song was on the radio. It’s in my head.
(he teasingly holds open a shopping bag toward her)
Hey, look what I bought you.
(he yanks it back)
Whoops! Almost got me!
(KATIE musters a smile.)
Hon, you all right?
(KATIE nods)
KATIE
I’m just feeling a little low.
(SAM sits down next to her)
SAM
What happened?
KATIE
This is a really hard time for me. I get seasonal affective disorder pretty bad.
SAM
Oh.
KATIE
I’m sorry. It’s just really bad today. It’s not always this bad.
(pause)
SAM
I think I have seasonal affectation disorder.
KATIE
Yeah?
SAM
I’ve been wearing a long wool cap. Drinking a lot of wassail.
(KATIE forces a smile)
No laugh. Jeez.
KATIE
I’m sorry. I’m just not up for much of anything right now.
(pause)
SAM
The acronym is “sad.” Seasonal Affective Disorder.
KATIE
Yes.
SAM
What can I do?
KATIE
I think you just have to be patient.
SAM
Does it last all... How long does it last?
KATIE
Um. Spring.
(SCENE THREE: That evening. It’s dark outside, but it is obnoxiously bright in the living room, because SAM has turned on all three of the lamps and removed their lampshades. He sits on the couch wearing sunglasses. There is a small, bowl-shaped Christmas present on the coffee table. KATIE enters, still in her pajamas.)
KATIE
Jesus.
SAM
Baby Jesus?
KATIE
What happened to the lamps?
SAM
I unwrapped them. Merry Christmas.
(He holds up the wrapped gift. She warily sits next to him and takes it.)
KATIE
What’s this?
SAM
Aren’t you going to shake it? Actually, no, don’t shake it.
(KATIE opens it. She pulls out a leaf of spinach.)
Green, leafy vegetables.
(KATIE doesn’t know what to say. SAM reaches under the table and produces a second wrapped present, in the shape of a bottle of dressing.)
KATIE
You did some research on seasonal affective disorder.
SAM
You have had your last SAD winter.
KATIE
You’re really sweet. I’m just not up for this.
SAM
What are you up for? We’ll do it.
KATIE
Hibernating.
SAM
At least get out of your pajamas, we’ll go somewhere.
KATIE
When someone is depressed, the worst thing you can say to them is “cheer up.”
(pause)
SAM
I didn’t.
(pause)
KATIE
(quietly)
I’m sorry. This isn’t something that I can be coaxed out of. Believe me, I’ve tried. This runs in my family.
(pause)
SAM
Are you going to visit them for Christmas?
(pause)
KATIE
I don’t know.
(pause)
SAM
We get pretty big and festive in my family. We actually do make wassail.
(pause)
So, if you wanted to have separate Christmases, we could do that.
(pause)
KATIE
I didn’t know I was invited to have Christmas with you, so it’s kind of weird to be un-invited.
SAM
Well, it might not be the right event for someone who can’t stay conscious through Thanksgiving.
(pause)
KATIE
You know what? You should definitely avoid me until spring. I’m not saying this to be mean or sarcastic, but go off and have your fucking holiday, let me separate myself from you and your happy family. I will see you at the first thaw, when I can cross a street without wanting to lie down in it. We’ll both be happier that way.
(SAM and KATIE sit in silence. SAM eventually removes the sunglasses and blinks at the brightness. He stands and walks over to one of the lamps and turns it off. He crosses to the second and turns it off. He crosses to the third and turns it off. The room is dark again, dimly lit only by the exterior security lamp. SAM returns to the couch and sits next to KATIE. He puts his arm around her shoulders. After a beat, she leans her head against him.)
KATIE
Hey. Have a good time shopping.
SAM
Good morning!
KATIE
I’m sorry. I tried to get up, I just couldn’t.
SAM
Are you okay?
KATIE
Yeah, I just felt like I was plastered to the bed.
(he closes the door and walks over to her to kiss her)
SAM
Did my family keep you up?
KATIE
No.
SAM
We get pretty loud.
KATIE
I didn’t hear.
SAM
My dad has quite a cackle. And my mom. And all of us.
KATIE
They’re really sweet.
SAM
And any kids we have will, too. I apologize in advance.
KATIE
How late were they here?
SAM
I think they left around one? Two?
KATIE
Wow.
SAM
Thanks for coming here and helping me host. Thanksgiving is pretty big in my family.
KATIE
They must think I’m such a drag.
SAM
No! No, I told them you’re not a night person. They like you.
KATIE
I hope so.
SAM
You’ll be happy to know your waist-to-hip ratio has been approved by my mom.
KATIE
I wanted... I wanted to, uh, “sparkle,” I wanted to be a presence for them, but I couldn’t open my mouth. I’m sorry.
SAM
Hon. No, you were great. You held your own.
(KATIE forces a smile.)
KATIE
I don’t want to make you late.
SAM
No, throw on your boots and your coat. You won’t be the only one at the mall in your pajamas, I promise.
KATIE
No, it’s all right. I hate people. Crowds, I mean. I’m just not up for it.
SAM
All right. That’ll make it easier for me to shop for you.
KATIE
Okay. Go bust some doors. Find some bargains.
SAM
All right. I’ll see you in a few hours.
(SAM is about to leave. KATIE grabs his hand and pulls him into a hug. They are silent a few seconds.)
Go back to bed. Get some more sleep.
KATIE
Okay.
SAM
Love you.
KATIE
Love you too.
(SAM leaves. KATIE stares at the closed door. She goes to the couch, sits, and rests her head back. She gets up and exits into the adjoining room. She returns with a Tupperware container and a fork. She sits, opens the Tupperware, and begins eating stuffing, staring straight ahead.)
(SCENE TWO: There is minimal light; the room has the dimness of a wintery afternoon, and the drapes are closed. KATIE is on the couch, hugging a pillow to her chest. The Tupperware container is still on the coffee table.)
(We hear SAM singing happily from outside.)
SAM
(singing)
God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing ye dismay!
Remember Christ our sa-avior was born on Christmas day!
(he enters the apartment carrying shopping bags)
Dark in here.
(He opens the drapes and the room brightens. He continues singing.)
Remember something something something when we go astray!
(spoken)
How would you punctuate that? “God rest ye merry gentlemen?”
KATIE
How would I punctuate it?
SAM
Where would you put the comma?
KATIE
I wouldn’t.
SAM
Most people would put the comma after “ye.” “God rest ye, comma, merry gentlemen.” That’s wrong. It’s after the “merry.” “God rest ye merry, comma, gentlemen.” All you gentlemen? May God rest ye nice ... and ... merry.
(He kisses her)
KATIE
Why are you telling me this?
SAM
The song was on the radio. It’s in my head.
(he teasingly holds open a shopping bag toward her)
Hey, look what I bought you.
(he yanks it back)
Whoops! Almost got me!
(KATIE musters a smile.)
Hon, you all right?
(KATIE nods)
KATIE
I’m just feeling a little low.
(SAM sits down next to her)
SAM
What happened?
KATIE
This is a really hard time for me. I get seasonal affective disorder pretty bad.
SAM
Oh.
KATIE
I’m sorry. It’s just really bad today. It’s not always this bad.
(pause)
SAM
I think I have seasonal affectation disorder.
KATIE
Yeah?
SAM
I’ve been wearing a long wool cap. Drinking a lot of wassail.
(KATIE forces a smile)
No laugh. Jeez.
KATIE
I’m sorry. I’m just not up for much of anything right now.
(pause)
SAM
The acronym is “sad.” Seasonal Affective Disorder.
KATIE
Yes.
SAM
What can I do?
KATIE
I think you just have to be patient.
SAM
Does it last all... How long does it last?
KATIE
Um. Spring.
(SCENE THREE: That evening. It’s dark outside, but it is obnoxiously bright in the living room, because SAM has turned on all three of the lamps and removed their lampshades. He sits on the couch wearing sunglasses. There is a small, bowl-shaped Christmas present on the coffee table. KATIE enters, still in her pajamas.)
KATIE
Jesus.
SAM
Baby Jesus?
KATIE
What happened to the lamps?
SAM
I unwrapped them. Merry Christmas.
(He holds up the wrapped gift. She warily sits next to him and takes it.)
KATIE
What’s this?
SAM
Aren’t you going to shake it? Actually, no, don’t shake it.
(KATIE opens it. She pulls out a leaf of spinach.)
Green, leafy vegetables.
(KATIE doesn’t know what to say. SAM reaches under the table and produces a second wrapped present, in the shape of a bottle of dressing.)
KATIE
You did some research on seasonal affective disorder.
SAM
You have had your last SAD winter.
KATIE
You’re really sweet. I’m just not up for this.
SAM
What are you up for? We’ll do it.
KATIE
Hibernating.
SAM
At least get out of your pajamas, we’ll go somewhere.
KATIE
When someone is depressed, the worst thing you can say to them is “cheer up.”
(pause)
SAM
I didn’t.
(pause)
KATIE
(quietly)
I’m sorry. This isn’t something that I can be coaxed out of. Believe me, I’ve tried. This runs in my family.
(pause)
SAM
Are you going to visit them for Christmas?
(pause)
KATIE
I don’t know.
(pause)
SAM
We get pretty big and festive in my family. We actually do make wassail.
(pause)
So, if you wanted to have separate Christmases, we could do that.
(pause)
KATIE
I didn’t know I was invited to have Christmas with you, so it’s kind of weird to be un-invited.
SAM
Well, it might not be the right event for someone who can’t stay conscious through Thanksgiving.
(pause)
KATIE
You know what? You should definitely avoid me until spring. I’m not saying this to be mean or sarcastic, but go off and have your fucking holiday, let me separate myself from you and your happy family. I will see you at the first thaw, when I can cross a street without wanting to lie down in it. We’ll both be happier that way.
(SAM and KATIE sit in silence. SAM eventually removes the sunglasses and blinks at the brightness. He stands and walks over to one of the lamps and turns it off. He crosses to the second and turns it off. He crosses to the third and turns it off. The room is dark again, dimly lit only by the exterior security lamp. SAM returns to the couch and sits next to KATIE. He puts his arm around her shoulders. After a beat, she leans her head against him.)