I love me, I love me not.
"You never pay attention to me .."
"I'm sorry, what was that? I wasn't listening."
That's the gist of a conversation I had yesterday and pretty much have had with various relationships over the last 10 years.
It's true though, which to me makes it both sad and funny. Boy do I need a warning label.
There is a fine line of difference between "not caring" and "not giving a shit". I do care about this person or that it's just I don't give a shit about anything else. The other stuff, how was your day? what did you have for lunch? when did you get those shoes? what was your name again? I have neither need for listening to a vent or actual venting of my own. I bottle things up because part of my lifes' plan is to explode. .. Well that's not entirely true, but close enough.
The way I see it, is that if confronted with a problem, that I got into on my own, whether knowledgeable of the possibilities or not, I'm the one who stepped in it and I'm the only one that has to get out. What do I want anyone elses' opinion for? I never talk about my problems or even very many thoughts in general, this journal is about the closest thing to venting that I do. The philosophy being why bother telling anyone about my this and thats, what the fuck could they do about it? I keep all that to myself.
This has gotten me a reputation for being cold, which bugs me because it's not a reputation it is in fact a reality.
It goes the same way for listening to other people. I somehow, someway became "that guy". The one whom everyone comes to with all their shit. I have never once given a piece of advice that was even remotely serious. Simply because I have no idea what to do, I don't know what is best for you I am not you. You got yourself into this, get yourself out.
"Got your girlfriend pregnant? ... Oh well Not my dick"
"Oh you got fired from another job? ... Too bad the workforce lost another lazy 'what about me?' moron"
"You are worried about your mid-terms? Maybe you should study instead of calling me up huh?"
"Won't make rent this month? Maybe that $50 bar tab you run up each week has something to do with it.?"
Anything I do for myself I do with myself. I have no need to share experiences with anyone. I can travel alone, I can eat alone I can think alone and I can exist alone.
As long as I get laid once in a while I'm fine.
That's where one night stands and friends with benefits come in. I prefer the aspect of as few strings attached as possible. The only attachment being that I have your number and I will call again for that same thing. It's a mutual consensual agreement. Two people with history, enjoying one another on a physical level. I like that, it fits my life quite well thank you. You are there when I need you and gone when I don't .. and I already know that I am looked at in the same light.
I'm a fun place to visit, but really, you would not want to live here.
Plain truth is that I'm never home.
"I'm sorry, what was that? I wasn't listening."
That's the gist of a conversation I had yesterday and pretty much have had with various relationships over the last 10 years.
It's true though, which to me makes it both sad and funny. Boy do I need a warning label.
There is a fine line of difference between "not caring" and "not giving a shit". I do care about this person or that it's just I don't give a shit about anything else. The other stuff, how was your day? what did you have for lunch? when did you get those shoes? what was your name again? I have neither need for listening to a vent or actual venting of my own. I bottle things up because part of my lifes' plan is to explode. .. Well that's not entirely true, but close enough.
The way I see it, is that if confronted with a problem, that I got into on my own, whether knowledgeable of the possibilities or not, I'm the one who stepped in it and I'm the only one that has to get out. What do I want anyone elses' opinion for? I never talk about my problems or even very many thoughts in general, this journal is about the closest thing to venting that I do. The philosophy being why bother telling anyone about my this and thats, what the fuck could they do about it? I keep all that to myself.
This has gotten me a reputation for being cold, which bugs me because it's not a reputation it is in fact a reality.
It goes the same way for listening to other people. I somehow, someway became "that guy". The one whom everyone comes to with all their shit. I have never once given a piece of advice that was even remotely serious. Simply because I have no idea what to do, I don't know what is best for you I am not you. You got yourself into this, get yourself out.
"Got your girlfriend pregnant? ... Oh well Not my dick"
"Oh you got fired from another job? ... Too bad the workforce lost another lazy 'what about me?' moron"
"You are worried about your mid-terms? Maybe you should study instead of calling me up huh?"
"Won't make rent this month? Maybe that $50 bar tab you run up each week has something to do with it.?"
Anything I do for myself I do with myself. I have no need to share experiences with anyone. I can travel alone, I can eat alone I can think alone and I can exist alone.
As long as I get laid once in a while I'm fine.
That's where one night stands and friends with benefits come in. I prefer the aspect of as few strings attached as possible. The only attachment being that I have your number and I will call again for that same thing. It's a mutual consensual agreement. Two people with history, enjoying one another on a physical level. I like that, it fits my life quite well thank you. You are there when I need you and gone when I don't .. and I already know that I am looked at in the same light.
I'm a fun place to visit, but really, you would not want to live here.
Plain truth is that I'm never home.