Today was a very sad day, possibly the worst
The military was something I had always wanted to do with my life but sadly I wasn't accepted. Turns out I can't get into any branch. That was a major blow to me but I figured I could move on.
I did get into UWM and that's cool, so it's not about that. However, there was another major dream I had that got crushed today. I'm not going to talk about it because honestly, I don't want anyone to know or ever know about it. It wasn't my fault it didn't work out, I mean I couldn't control what happened. The reaction from my family, wasn't what I expected. They were angry, embarrassed and just plain disappointed. The loss of what I wanted was just the spark and that got them going off on me about my whole life. I guess I deserved it but it hurt nonetheless. Hearing your family tell you about one of your friends and how he is so much better than me, honestly broke me. Maybe I had this coming.
I couldn't eat dinner tonight, mostly because my mom still wanted to talk about it, but even when I tried eating alone it didn't help. I hate this state so much, and wanted to move back to LA, my home, for the longest time...only to figure out a few weeks ago that it isnt my home either and my friends have changed.
For the first time in my life, I have thought of suicide seriously. I mean, I actually feel completely alone for once. My dad doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and my mom doesn't seem to look at me the same. There are probably only two friends I have left, and both don't live here, sadly. I admit, I alienated myself but I wanted that and wouldn't change it.
Yeah, I'm alone, depressed and didn't quite live up to the expectations of others. I have no desire for school now, and will be quitting my job tomorrow. I don't know what to do anymore.
I am so sorry. I hope I'm forgiven.
I did get into UWM and that's cool, so it's not about that. However, there was another major dream I had that got crushed today. I'm not going to talk about it because honestly, I don't want anyone to know or ever know about it. It wasn't my fault it didn't work out, I mean I couldn't control what happened. The reaction from my family, wasn't what I expected. They were angry, embarrassed and just plain disappointed. The loss of what I wanted was just the spark and that got them going off on me about my whole life. I guess I deserved it but it hurt nonetheless. Hearing your family tell you about one of your friends and how he is so much better than me, honestly broke me. Maybe I had this coming.
I couldn't eat dinner tonight, mostly because my mom still wanted to talk about it, but even when I tried eating alone it didn't help. I hate this state so much, and wanted to move back to LA, my home, for the longest time...only to figure out a few weeks ago that it isnt my home either and my friends have changed.
For the first time in my life, I have thought of suicide seriously. I mean, I actually feel completely alone for once. My dad doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and my mom doesn't seem to look at me the same. There are probably only two friends I have left, and both don't live here, sadly. I admit, I alienated myself but I wanted that and wouldn't change it.
Yeah, I'm alone, depressed and didn't quite live up to the expectations of others. I have no desire for school now, and will be quitting my job tomorrow. I don't know what to do anymore.
I am so sorry. I hope I'm forgiven.