Thought pulses, and brain meat.
Cold and irritable are my mood and frame of mind respectively. Rum in my glass and beef jerky on my breath reveal that I both have taste and am not afraid to be comfortable. I contemplate the world, the universe, and the reality placed before me.
I think about how the universe is ever expanding and how all objects within it are moving away from one another. My mind repeats lines from William Gibson novels and sometimes I can hear songs from my youth that act as a conduit to relive moments with friends whose fates have taken them away from mine. The frigid temperatures and snow piled high outside make me think of vast white wastelands, as well as, remember heat scorched dirt and sand that laid under my boot heels for over a year. I marvel at the love for my girls and how, though they love in return, they still possess a certain disdain for me because in their eyes their mother is all.
When television pundits start by saying, "I'm not a racist," I wonder if they listen to the rest of their rhetoric later and possibly think that perhaps they are wrong. Corporations now have the same rights as you or me in America. That means in addition to having more money than you can dream of, they control the conversation too. All of them like HAL in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Emotionless voices backed by the souls of people that would rather have money than do anything meaningful in this life. The mechanical voices tempt us with, "COME FLESHY ONES. WE OFFER RICHES AND PRODUCTS AND ALL WE ASK FOR IS YOUR OBEDIENCE,YOUR HUMANITY, YOUR DECENCY, AND YOUR IMAGINATION."
There are those that would give it all away so they can vacation somewhere nice and warm, be regarded as successful for the size of their bank account, never mind who else gets hurt along the way. I am convinced if there is a Devil, he is an Insurance Company acting as a middle man between a patient and their Doctor. And if there ever was a Devil worshiper it is anyone that wants to give that Devil control again to reap profits from the dead and dying. All of those rich freaks in Congress, with their very FREE healthcare, voting on repeal. They might as well shed their clothes, commence the orgy, and sacrifice a goat. BAAAH, motherfuckers. BAAHHHH.
When the world only looks like that horribly painted picture, I am reminded that all the shadows do not fully eclipse me. Art will always heal the soul. Always. Someone's words, photographs, illustrations, films, music, comedy, performance, or passion will touch your heart. Even if you do not fully appreciate or understand what you are experiencing, their devotion to their craft will be a gentle breeze on a hot summer's day.
I think about how my own happiness requires giant sacrifices. I wonder if I am standing up for me or simply being a coward for not making the tough decisions. I wonder if my laziness and struggle with my own soul will result in forgetting my dreams. I could have done so much more with what I have. I do not want to be saying that fifty years from now.
When it gets hard, lately, I have been thinking of a young man or woman, younger than I am now, trying to peacefully demonstrate in a place where the Pharaohs once ruled. I wonder what kind of person stands up to armored guards and tanks and threat of death to shout, "FREEDOM!" I wonder if they will live to see tomorrow. I wonder if those in my own country understand how lucky we are. I doubt it.
Sometimes I wonder if the comets will come and obliterate my world. I wonder if the zombies will pick the bones of the planet. I am curious if God is angry with the life I have led and, if so, why he never bothered to give me a user's manual. If it is like the one for any number of electronic equipment I have ever owned I can promise I would not have read it properly anyway. But at least he would be free and clear and I could accept all of the blame.
I contemplate the Universe and all of its mysteries and contradictions. One truth unites us all - the lovers, the fighters, the lonely ones, the marchers, the artists, and the rest - we all do the best we can with what we have.
And with that, I go to refill my glass.
(c) Shawn J. Douglas 2011
I think about how the universe is ever expanding and how all objects within it are moving away from one another. My mind repeats lines from William Gibson novels and sometimes I can hear songs from my youth that act as a conduit to relive moments with friends whose fates have taken them away from mine. The frigid temperatures and snow piled high outside make me think of vast white wastelands, as well as, remember heat scorched dirt and sand that laid under my boot heels for over a year. I marvel at the love for my girls and how, though they love in return, they still possess a certain disdain for me because in their eyes their mother is all.
When television pundits start by saying, "I'm not a racist," I wonder if they listen to the rest of their rhetoric later and possibly think that perhaps they are wrong. Corporations now have the same rights as you or me in America. That means in addition to having more money than you can dream of, they control the conversation too. All of them like HAL in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Emotionless voices backed by the souls of people that would rather have money than do anything meaningful in this life. The mechanical voices tempt us with, "COME FLESHY ONES. WE OFFER RICHES AND PRODUCTS AND ALL WE ASK FOR IS YOUR OBEDIENCE,YOUR HUMANITY, YOUR DECENCY, AND YOUR IMAGINATION."
There are those that would give it all away so they can vacation somewhere nice and warm, be regarded as successful for the size of their bank account, never mind who else gets hurt along the way. I am convinced if there is a Devil, he is an Insurance Company acting as a middle man between a patient and their Doctor. And if there ever was a Devil worshiper it is anyone that wants to give that Devil control again to reap profits from the dead and dying. All of those rich freaks in Congress, with their very FREE healthcare, voting on repeal. They might as well shed their clothes, commence the orgy, and sacrifice a goat. BAAAH, motherfuckers. BAAHHHH.
When the world only looks like that horribly painted picture, I am reminded that all the shadows do not fully eclipse me. Art will always heal the soul. Always. Someone's words, photographs, illustrations, films, music, comedy, performance, or passion will touch your heart. Even if you do not fully appreciate or understand what you are experiencing, their devotion to their craft will be a gentle breeze on a hot summer's day.
I think about how my own happiness requires giant sacrifices. I wonder if I am standing up for me or simply being a coward for not making the tough decisions. I wonder if my laziness and struggle with my own soul will result in forgetting my dreams. I could have done so much more with what I have. I do not want to be saying that fifty years from now.
When it gets hard, lately, I have been thinking of a young man or woman, younger than I am now, trying to peacefully demonstrate in a place where the Pharaohs once ruled. I wonder what kind of person stands up to armored guards and tanks and threat of death to shout, "FREEDOM!" I wonder if they will live to see tomorrow. I wonder if those in my own country understand how lucky we are. I doubt it.
Sometimes I wonder if the comets will come and obliterate my world. I wonder if the zombies will pick the bones of the planet. I am curious if God is angry with the life I have led and, if so, why he never bothered to give me a user's manual. If it is like the one for any number of electronic equipment I have ever owned I can promise I would not have read it properly anyway. But at least he would be free and clear and I could accept all of the blame.
I contemplate the Universe and all of its mysteries and contradictions. One truth unites us all - the lovers, the fighters, the lonely ones, the marchers, the artists, and the rest - we all do the best we can with what we have.
And with that, I go to refill my glass.
(c) Shawn J. Douglas 2011