Penance

[shawn_w]

Penance

So, we meet again
and you look the same
but I'm not the same
and the world's not the same
it's five years older

I wish that we hadn't ended on a bad note
but we did
I thought that I'd gotten over it ages ago
but I guess that I didn't
because of all the negativity surfacing in my mind

I thought that talking
trying to bury the hatchet
apologizing once again for my role
would be a good thing
it doesn't seem like it now

I've been feeling again like it was five years ago
and you're still afraid
I never wanted you to be afraid
but I seem to have a gift
for screwing things up

I'll never end it all
every day that I live
is paying penance
because my wonderful memory won't let me forget
all of the pain and hurt that I've caused in this life

Oh, how I wish that I could forget sometimes
but others, I know that I deserve this
and just need to hope
that it will guide me away from making those mistakes again
in the future

Still, it's a cold comfort for me
and no guarantee for her or anyone else
and I can't really blame them when they look at me
with derision and fear
Lord knows I'd feel the same way

There's no way out of this
no light at the end of this long, winding tunnel
I'm so sorry
please forgive me
for everything that I have ever done

6/22/08  night