Life
Now that I am basically absolutely sure that no one reads this anymore (except you), I feel I can actually post in here without holding back. However, there are still things I just choose not to talk about. For a while, my lj was dying. Chances are, it will still be used rather sparingly. However, as my friends spread out away from me, and my life becomes more work and less social, I feel like I will need a release for all my thoughts and emotions. Thus, even if it does only get used once in a blue moon, I still enjoy having this outlet.
In fact, whenever I start an entry, I never really have to try to figure out what to say. my mind just kinda thinks and my fingers just kinda fly. I don't know, maybe I just really need to talk. Perhaps that is why I talk so much whenever someone takes it upon themselves to listen. I just have a lot of pent up social interaction that I am not getting a release for. The problem is, I am rather picky about who and how I will allow this release. That is, the way I would like to release it is not an option currently available to me, thus I keep it in.
I am happy. It's funny, you never really realize you aren't happy until you are happy again. There's just a feeling of good, and for the first time in years, I am experiencing it. I do not have any problems. Ok, well I guess there are some work related ones, but nothing that doesn't go away as soon as... well, in fact, generally before I even clock out. I am making... good money. It's not accounting money, but I am not doing accounting work, either. Accounting work would probably be 60+ hours a week, and I am working 40, unless I want overtime. And while the money isn't extravagant, it is enough to pay all my bills and feel confident about the amount I am saving.
I am working for Case Hall as a temp. It is not at all a prestigious position, but I am not exactly a prestigious person. I am more than satisfied with it, and the money I make is much more than enough for the work I do. Though all of my family supports my decision to hang around here, all of my friends question it. Why aren't you doing accounting? Because I don't want to is apparently not a suitable answer, thus I have come up with all sorts of other reasons which are only true to an extent. Yes, I will eventually end up doing something else, and I know that I have options. Whether or not I choose to utilize them, and which ones, remains to be seen. But let it be known that I have prepared a budget and have figured out how long it would take me to retire if I were to invest very safely at a moderate rate of savings.
But I am happy for more than just my job. I have a small studio apartment. I have seen other peoples places, and I have considered whether or not that would be better for me. Whether or not I could afford a bigger place is not the question, just whether or not I want one. The answer is really no. I don't have enough stuff to take up all that space, though I'm sure I could acquire more junk. I know I will get a bigger place in another year or so, but right now, nope. Ultimately, I think I will be able to find a place that is both bigger and cheaper. At some point, I want to get out of here, mainly because I'd rather live in an actual apartment complex than in a modified basement. Not that I don't love it down here, as I do, but mainly because I don't want to live with the knowledge that at some point, she may decide she doesn't want to rent it out anymore. But on the apartment, I do love having a kitchen. And a bathroom I can actually take baths in. Living in the dorms, you miss out on a lot.
So I had some life goals set. Apartment, job, license, etc. I finally got my license, too. Now I need a car, but I will probably be getting one for free if I can just be patient. I kinda convinced my dad he should give me one for my 25th birthday. My place has dishes and, well, everything I want. I don't know, I feel like an adult now. I am happy. I am satisfied. Life is good.
All my family is leaving the state. Both my sisters and my mom will be living in Chicago, and a good amount of my friends too. It is going to be getting lonely up here, which is simultaneously sad and exciting. A lot more sad, though. The best thing about being done with college, though, is the freedom. No more constantly worrying about things I should be doing. When I am out of work, I don't have to think about it. There is no homework. There is no constant monitoring of residents. I just do whatever I want to do. There is life after college, and it is good.
The only thing I still want is the only thing I always want. I didn't realize it until the other night when I suddenly got really sad. I am lonely. I am not lonely because there is no one around. I am lonely because there is no one I am close too. Ok, there are people I'm close to, but no one who I... Well, when I wake up in the middle of the night scared or sad, there is no one to comfort me, or no one I can use to comfort myself. When I accomplish something that I am particularly proud of, there is no one I can share my triumphs with.
But if my only unfulfilled desire is a girlfriend, then I am doing pretty well, I think.
Oh yeah. My ex moved to Pennsylvania.
In fact, whenever I start an entry, I never really have to try to figure out what to say. my mind just kinda thinks and my fingers just kinda fly. I don't know, maybe I just really need to talk. Perhaps that is why I talk so much whenever someone takes it upon themselves to listen. I just have a lot of pent up social interaction that I am not getting a release for. The problem is, I am rather picky about who and how I will allow this release. That is, the way I would like to release it is not an option currently available to me, thus I keep it in.
I am happy. It's funny, you never really realize you aren't happy until you are happy again. There's just a feeling of good, and for the first time in years, I am experiencing it. I do not have any problems. Ok, well I guess there are some work related ones, but nothing that doesn't go away as soon as... well, in fact, generally before I even clock out. I am making... good money. It's not accounting money, but I am not doing accounting work, either. Accounting work would probably be 60+ hours a week, and I am working 40, unless I want overtime. And while the money isn't extravagant, it is enough to pay all my bills and feel confident about the amount I am saving.
I am working for Case Hall as a temp. It is not at all a prestigious position, but I am not exactly a prestigious person. I am more than satisfied with it, and the money I make is much more than enough for the work I do. Though all of my family supports my decision to hang around here, all of my friends question it. Why aren't you doing accounting? Because I don't want to is apparently not a suitable answer, thus I have come up with all sorts of other reasons which are only true to an extent. Yes, I will eventually end up doing something else, and I know that I have options. Whether or not I choose to utilize them, and which ones, remains to be seen. But let it be known that I have prepared a budget and have figured out how long it would take me to retire if I were to invest very safely at a moderate rate of savings.
But I am happy for more than just my job. I have a small studio apartment. I have seen other peoples places, and I have considered whether or not that would be better for me. Whether or not I could afford a bigger place is not the question, just whether or not I want one. The answer is really no. I don't have enough stuff to take up all that space, though I'm sure I could acquire more junk. I know I will get a bigger place in another year or so, but right now, nope. Ultimately, I think I will be able to find a place that is both bigger and cheaper. At some point, I want to get out of here, mainly because I'd rather live in an actual apartment complex than in a modified basement. Not that I don't love it down here, as I do, but mainly because I don't want to live with the knowledge that at some point, she may decide she doesn't want to rent it out anymore. But on the apartment, I do love having a kitchen. And a bathroom I can actually take baths in. Living in the dorms, you miss out on a lot.
So I had some life goals set. Apartment, job, license, etc. I finally got my license, too. Now I need a car, but I will probably be getting one for free if I can just be patient. I kinda convinced my dad he should give me one for my 25th birthday. My place has dishes and, well, everything I want. I don't know, I feel like an adult now. I am happy. I am satisfied. Life is good.
All my family is leaving the state. Both my sisters and my mom will be living in Chicago, and a good amount of my friends too. It is going to be getting lonely up here, which is simultaneously sad and exciting. A lot more sad, though. The best thing about being done with college, though, is the freedom. No more constantly worrying about things I should be doing. When I am out of work, I don't have to think about it. There is no homework. There is no constant monitoring of residents. I just do whatever I want to do. There is life after college, and it is good.
The only thing I still want is the only thing I always want. I didn't realize it until the other night when I suddenly got really sad. I am lonely. I am not lonely because there is no one around. I am lonely because there is no one I am close too. Ok, there are people I'm close to, but no one who I... Well, when I wake up in the middle of the night scared or sad, there is no one to comfort me, or no one I can use to comfort myself. When I accomplish something that I am particularly proud of, there is no one I can share my triumphs with.
But if my only unfulfilled desire is a girlfriend, then I am doing pretty well, I think.
Oh yeah. My ex moved to Pennsylvania.