Holy Chocolate Thunder
Alright, so I haven't updated all week, and you know what? You've missed out on a lot, as this has most definately been one of the most interesting weeks of my life. No, not because I skipped 2 days of French after doing my presentation. No, not because I got my dad to give me some much needed money. No, not because I haven't done laundry and instead keep spending my quarters on DDR. No, not because I've talked to both of my best, oldest friends today and tomorrow. Mainly, I've had girlfriend drama. Past, present, and future girlfriend drama. It's fubar. Read all about it below.
One week and 2 days ago, my biggest worry was fitting as much sex as possible into the night my girlfriend was going to be here. Now, we're not even a couple anymore. 2 nights ago, I was never going to talk to The Ex again. Now, she's in love with me again, and sure that we'll be together, but not yet. How did this happen? Honestly, I am and have been at the center of it all, and I'm not even really sure. Saturday morning, my girlfriend left. Last weekend, this is, by the way. That night, I talked to the ex. We'd been talking again, which was a suprise to me. We'd agreed that we couldn't be friends, but she was talking to me again.
Now, to no one's suprise but our own, we started feeling for each other again. Just a faint recollection of why we actually used to like each other. Not that we got along great or anything, we still had lots of little disputes. But bottom line, we were getting along really well. So well, we talked about the possibility of another relationship. We'd both considered it since the moment we started talking again, and a little bit into that we both started really thinking about it. And now, this weekend, we actually got up the nerve to talk to each other about it. However, since we were both involved with other people, we agreed that it wouldn't happen anytime soon, but that it probably would happen. And not just that night. We talked basically every day (or night) since that night.
The thing is, in the little bit of time she's spent without me, she grew up a lot. Not age wise, but maturity wise. I guess, with me guiding her all the time, she really didn't have to before, but with life staring her in the face, she did. And after losing a child, well, anyone grows up really fast after that. But even before that... She seemed much older. She is actually on the path to success, and has the potential to get everything she wants out of life. Except, she is being held back by all the deadbeats around her. But since first contacted me, I noticed a positive change, and knew that it'd be much better if we were to ever date again.
Tuesday night, I'm at work, and I'm debating. Sadly, I'm a rediculously honest person, and I was IMing the girlfriend, so... I told her. I told her that I was redeveloping feelings for my ex. Why'd I tell her? Well, I didn't want to continue leading her on, knowing that I was already thinking of it as temporary. Wisely, she decided we should just be friends. And oddly enough, neither of us was really that upset about it. I have to say it is the best break up I have ever suffered through. I mean, it wasn't exactly happy, but it wasn't the weeks of sorrow I am used to.
And later that day, I told the ex what I'd told the (now ex) girlfriend (still referred to as "girlfriend" for narrative purposes), and and she was astonished. She couldn't figure out why I'd broken up with my girlfriend when she wasn't even sure what she wanted to do yet. Another case of "I want you when I can't have you, but now that I can I don't want you" syndrome. Anyway, I didn't really end the relationship, it ended due to circumstances that I'd caused. A technicality, I know, but still. Anyway, later on, she did the same thing with her fiance.
Now this is important. He didn't even seem to care. She said she could tell that he cared from the look on his face, but from her description of events, he didn't care. I mean, if my fiancee came up to me and told me that she was falling for her ex more so every time she talked to him, well, I'd at least get upset. Suggest she stop talking to him, maybe, or try to spend more time with her, but none of this from him. Anyway, it didn't even seem like he cared. And in fact, in subsequent efforts by her to try to get him to save the relationship, despite all her attempts to save her relationship, he continued in his nonchalant uncaring way. Not wise, guy.
Anyway, next event. Me and the girlfriend are friends now, and we kinda came to the conclusion that, though she no longer wanted anything to do with my fubar situation, she would in fact miss being with me. Not just sex, but, well, the few other things we did together too. So since we were both going to be single anyway, we kinda decided we might as well continue hanging out and such, just without the optimistic, long term outlook. Basically a change of perspective.
And now the ex. After much debate, she decided she would stay with her fiance, despite his lack of actual work in the relationship. And his lack of a job. Now, because this is essentially what happened when she dumped me in the first place, I am a little upset. I decided that I wasn't going to speak to her anymore. She revealed to me some information, and told me she was sure we would, but I was convinced we wouldn't. With this revelation came some freedom. That is, the freedom to tell her everything I thought was wrong with her life, but was too polite to say before.
That is, your fiance is a deadbeat with no job who is living off your mother's resources and soon, yours (her new job starts today). Your family is sucking your life away, all your time and energy and effort is going into helping everybody else stop sucking at life. And even though you like helping people, it is not helping people when you do it for them. You really need to get away from everyone, get your own place and pay your own bills and take care of yourself, and realize how great you can be without everyone else hanging on your coattails. You are full of potential and greatness and you are being dragged down by a bunch of leeches. Take care of yourself first. Dump your lame ass fiance, save a little cash, get your own place, and spend some time alone before you start looking for another relationship.
And by the time I was done, she was in tears. And I was out of breath, but that's not the important part. She realized I was right about everything, and couldn't figure out why she hadn't seen it herself. Said I was a true friend for seeing it all without her actually telling me any of it, and more importantly for actually telling her about it all. And now, after I thought it was all over, and I would never talk to her again, I accidentally changed her mind completely. She decided that I was in fact the right one for her, because I obviously cared about her a lot (no duh, I have for years now), and aren't looking to use her like everyone else.
This, I believe, is also about the time she decided she loves me again. And I'm all like "don't say that, you're still engaged to someone else" and she's like "but I do, I know I do", and I'm like oh damn. I thought I was closing a book and instead I blew it wide open. So since then she's been looking for ways to save her relationship while really hoping it ends, and in effect it is over in her mind but not in his, which by the way I've told her she needs to be honest about. I am still not sure anything is going to happen between me and her, but truly, I hope so.
Ironically, though she never did before, she is actually going to take my advice. Today she starts work, and she is going to start saving. She hopes to have enough to get her own place in a few months, at which point the relationship will be most definately over. At that point, she is going to start the aforementioned period of alone time, to get her own life in order before dealing with anyone elses. This also is expected to last a few months. But in the mean time, we are going to keep talking, and she is sure that after this time is passed, we are going to try again. She is sure it will work this time. And honestly, I think it can too.
For you see, even though it hasn't been long, we've both learned a lot. In effect, a lot of the things we said we'd do, ended up being done anyway. We took a break, we saw other people, we grew up, matured a little, and advanced our respective lives. And ultimately, it seems we may have chosen that we are in fact right for each other. Or at least, right for another attempt. Hell, I'll take another couple of years on this ride. But nothing is certain yet.
See, I haven't told her I love her, and I don't think I will until we are together. I honestly don't know if I do or not, it is rather hard to tell when your most vivid memory of someone is still how they dumped you. But whether I do or not, I am going to hold back confessing such a strong emotion this early. Granted, there is still over 2 years of relationship behind it, it's not like we just met. Hell, we actually met over 7 years ago. But the point here is, I am wisely going to wait until things are right. Or at least, until we actually have a relationship. And that's 4-6 months away. But tonight is one of the few nights we haven't talked, although there are some more than valid reasons for it, and I miss her a lot. So whether or not I am trying to be wise, and not commit myself to anything that might turn out horribly, my heart is already there. I really miss her, and we just talked this afternoon.
So The Ex Girlfriend is now The Future Girlfriend, and The Present Girlfriend is now just a really good friend. In fact, she is the one person I've been able to talk to about all of this, which is really messed up, considering that a week ago, we were... well, rather focused on each other. In effect, I am temporarily single, which sounds about as odd as it is. If this makes any sense at all, kudos to you, because it is indeed a confusing situation. It is really funny the way stuff happens to me. As I've said to Malcolm, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't go out, I don't do shit, really, and still, I manage to lead a very interesting life.
Now people, if you actually read all this shit, then at least take the extra 2 minutes to leave a comment. I mean, I must have spent at least 10 minutes of your time already, no? If you think I'm a wishy-washy turd of an asshole who deserves to have everything backfire and end up alone, feel free to let me know. Or, of course, if you happen to think this is the most wonderfully delicious story you've ever heard, confess that too. In the meantime, I do have a test in 7 hours, so adios, mes amis.
One week and 2 days ago, my biggest worry was fitting as much sex as possible into the night my girlfriend was going to be here. Now, we're not even a couple anymore. 2 nights ago, I was never going to talk to The Ex again. Now, she's in love with me again, and sure that we'll be together, but not yet. How did this happen? Honestly, I am and have been at the center of it all, and I'm not even really sure. Saturday morning, my girlfriend left. Last weekend, this is, by the way. That night, I talked to the ex. We'd been talking again, which was a suprise to me. We'd agreed that we couldn't be friends, but she was talking to me again.
Now, to no one's suprise but our own, we started feeling for each other again. Just a faint recollection of why we actually used to like each other. Not that we got along great or anything, we still had lots of little disputes. But bottom line, we were getting along really well. So well, we talked about the possibility of another relationship. We'd both considered it since the moment we started talking again, and a little bit into that we both started really thinking about it. And now, this weekend, we actually got up the nerve to talk to each other about it. However, since we were both involved with other people, we agreed that it wouldn't happen anytime soon, but that it probably would happen. And not just that night. We talked basically every day (or night) since that night.
The thing is, in the little bit of time she's spent without me, she grew up a lot. Not age wise, but maturity wise. I guess, with me guiding her all the time, she really didn't have to before, but with life staring her in the face, she did. And after losing a child, well, anyone grows up really fast after that. But even before that... She seemed much older. She is actually on the path to success, and has the potential to get everything she wants out of life. Except, she is being held back by all the deadbeats around her. But since first contacted me, I noticed a positive change, and knew that it'd be much better if we were to ever date again.
Tuesday night, I'm at work, and I'm debating. Sadly, I'm a rediculously honest person, and I was IMing the girlfriend, so... I told her. I told her that I was redeveloping feelings for my ex. Why'd I tell her? Well, I didn't want to continue leading her on, knowing that I was already thinking of it as temporary. Wisely, she decided we should just be friends. And oddly enough, neither of us was really that upset about it. I have to say it is the best break up I have ever suffered through. I mean, it wasn't exactly happy, but it wasn't the weeks of sorrow I am used to.
And later that day, I told the ex what I'd told the (now ex) girlfriend (still referred to as "girlfriend" for narrative purposes), and and she was astonished. She couldn't figure out why I'd broken up with my girlfriend when she wasn't even sure what she wanted to do yet. Another case of "I want you when I can't have you, but now that I can I don't want you" syndrome. Anyway, I didn't really end the relationship, it ended due to circumstances that I'd caused. A technicality, I know, but still. Anyway, later on, she did the same thing with her fiance.
Now this is important. He didn't even seem to care. She said she could tell that he cared from the look on his face, but from her description of events, he didn't care. I mean, if my fiancee came up to me and told me that she was falling for her ex more so every time she talked to him, well, I'd at least get upset. Suggest she stop talking to him, maybe, or try to spend more time with her, but none of this from him. Anyway, it didn't even seem like he cared. And in fact, in subsequent efforts by her to try to get him to save the relationship, despite all her attempts to save her relationship, he continued in his nonchalant uncaring way. Not wise, guy.
Anyway, next event. Me and the girlfriend are friends now, and we kinda came to the conclusion that, though she no longer wanted anything to do with my fubar situation, she would in fact miss being with me. Not just sex, but, well, the few other things we did together too. So since we were both going to be single anyway, we kinda decided we might as well continue hanging out and such, just without the optimistic, long term outlook. Basically a change of perspective.
And now the ex. After much debate, she decided she would stay with her fiance, despite his lack of actual work in the relationship. And his lack of a job. Now, because this is essentially what happened when she dumped me in the first place, I am a little upset. I decided that I wasn't going to speak to her anymore. She revealed to me some information, and told me she was sure we would, but I was convinced we wouldn't. With this revelation came some freedom. That is, the freedom to tell her everything I thought was wrong with her life, but was too polite to say before.
That is, your fiance is a deadbeat with no job who is living off your mother's resources and soon, yours (her new job starts today). Your family is sucking your life away, all your time and energy and effort is going into helping everybody else stop sucking at life. And even though you like helping people, it is not helping people when you do it for them. You really need to get away from everyone, get your own place and pay your own bills and take care of yourself, and realize how great you can be without everyone else hanging on your coattails. You are full of potential and greatness and you are being dragged down by a bunch of leeches. Take care of yourself first. Dump your lame ass fiance, save a little cash, get your own place, and spend some time alone before you start looking for another relationship.
And by the time I was done, she was in tears. And I was out of breath, but that's not the important part. She realized I was right about everything, and couldn't figure out why she hadn't seen it herself. Said I was a true friend for seeing it all without her actually telling me any of it, and more importantly for actually telling her about it all. And now, after I thought it was all over, and I would never talk to her again, I accidentally changed her mind completely. She decided that I was in fact the right one for her, because I obviously cared about her a lot (no duh, I have for years now), and aren't looking to use her like everyone else.
This, I believe, is also about the time she decided she loves me again. And I'm all like "don't say that, you're still engaged to someone else" and she's like "but I do, I know I do", and I'm like oh damn. I thought I was closing a book and instead I blew it wide open. So since then she's been looking for ways to save her relationship while really hoping it ends, and in effect it is over in her mind but not in his, which by the way I've told her she needs to be honest about. I am still not sure anything is going to happen between me and her, but truly, I hope so.
Ironically, though she never did before, she is actually going to take my advice. Today she starts work, and she is going to start saving. She hopes to have enough to get her own place in a few months, at which point the relationship will be most definately over. At that point, she is going to start the aforementioned period of alone time, to get her own life in order before dealing with anyone elses. This also is expected to last a few months. But in the mean time, we are going to keep talking, and she is sure that after this time is passed, we are going to try again. She is sure it will work this time. And honestly, I think it can too.
For you see, even though it hasn't been long, we've both learned a lot. In effect, a lot of the things we said we'd do, ended up being done anyway. We took a break, we saw other people, we grew up, matured a little, and advanced our respective lives. And ultimately, it seems we may have chosen that we are in fact right for each other. Or at least, right for another attempt. Hell, I'll take another couple of years on this ride. But nothing is certain yet.
See, I haven't told her I love her, and I don't think I will until we are together. I honestly don't know if I do or not, it is rather hard to tell when your most vivid memory of someone is still how they dumped you. But whether I do or not, I am going to hold back confessing such a strong emotion this early. Granted, there is still over 2 years of relationship behind it, it's not like we just met. Hell, we actually met over 7 years ago. But the point here is, I am wisely going to wait until things are right. Or at least, until we actually have a relationship. And that's 4-6 months away. But tonight is one of the few nights we haven't talked, although there are some more than valid reasons for it, and I miss her a lot. So whether or not I am trying to be wise, and not commit myself to anything that might turn out horribly, my heart is already there. I really miss her, and we just talked this afternoon.
So The Ex Girlfriend is now The Future Girlfriend, and The Present Girlfriend is now just a really good friend. In fact, she is the one person I've been able to talk to about all of this, which is really messed up, considering that a week ago, we were... well, rather focused on each other. In effect, I am temporarily single, which sounds about as odd as it is. If this makes any sense at all, kudos to you, because it is indeed a confusing situation. It is really funny the way stuff happens to me. As I've said to Malcolm, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't go out, I don't do shit, really, and still, I manage to lead a very interesting life.
Now people, if you actually read all this shit, then at least take the extra 2 minutes to leave a comment. I mean, I must have spent at least 10 minutes of your time already, no? If you think I'm a wishy-washy turd of an asshole who deserves to have everything backfire and end up alone, feel free to let me know. Or, of course, if you happen to think this is the most wonderfully delicious story you've ever heard, confess that too. In the meantime, I do have a test in 7 hours, so adios, mes amis.