"I'll Let You In" [Steve/Tony, NC-17, Less Than Zero Fusion AU] - 4/5
Written for this kinkmeme fill: Steve/Tony, Less Than Zero fusion
Summary: Tony Stark is just seventeen when his father finds Captain America in the ice. Unfortunately, he's also on a downward spiral with drinking and drugs. Can Steve save him from becoming a statistic?
Title: "I'll Let You In"Author: shawarmabums
Pairing: Steve Rogers/young!Tony Stark (late 80s AU)
Word Count: 13,200
Chapters: 5 + epilogue
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: drugs, prostitution, lots of angst
Bonus: here's the song the title comes from, by Jackie Greene
~4~
As it turned out, they couldn’t be together very long. For his first two weeks in rehab, Tony wasn’t allowed any visitors. It was the facility’s policy, and although it gave Steve more time to actually be Captain America, his spare moments seemed to drag. He couldn’t stop worrying about Tony.
To his dismay, the story had made the papers. “Tech Titan’s Son Enters Rehab,” the Times headline proclaimed, and the ensuing article painted a less than flattering picture of Tony’s post-MIT downward spiral. One source who had partied with Tony described him as “so strung out he couldn’t tell the Manhattan Project from a Manhattan,” and went on to express doubt about the future of Stark Industries. Neither Howard nor anyone from the company had deigned to comment.
The one bright spot for Steve was that he’d finally persuaded Howard to cover the cost of Tony’s treatment. The price was trivial for a man of Howard’s means, but Howard was not confident it would work if Tony himself wasn’t ready to recover. Steve wished he could tell Howard how low Tony’s addiction had really brought him, but of course he couldn’t. He was just thankful to be listened to for once. Still, Howard made it clear this was Tony’s last chance, and Steve was more determined than ever to make it worth it.
By the time Steve was finally allowed to visit, Tony had been transferred from the detox center in Manhattan to a recovery facility outside the city. As soon as Steve saw the place, he could understand why: it was situated high on a green a hillside, completely isolated from urban distractions and temptations. Upon arrival, he was checked for drugs before being directed to a small lobby to wait for Tony. It was bright and extremely clean, with homey furnishings that helped offset the clinical sterility of the atmosphere.
“Tony’s just getting out of group now,” the lady at the front desk told Steve. “I told him you’re here.”
A few seconds later, Tony appeared in the lobby. He wore a black T-shirt and faded blue jeans, not the clothes he’d had when Steve checked him in. His skin had lost its sickly pallor, and his eyes were clear, but they looked sad in a sort of deep, unchanging way. “Hey,” he said, half smiling.
Steve couldn’t help but embrace him. Immediately Tony’s body tensed up in his arms, and it occurred to Steve that Tony might not have experienced a real hug like this in a long time.
“How are you?” he asked.
Tony shrugged. “Still breathing, for better or worse.”
“Well, you look good.”
Tony raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Remind me to tell dad that the super soldier serum causes delayed-onset visual distortion -- oh wait, he still won’t talk to me.”
“I mean it. You look a lot better.”
“It’s all relative. Wanna see my new digs?”
Steve nodded, and Tony led him to a small room with an unmade twin bed and nondescript, institutional furnishings.
“Home sweet home,” said Tony. “At first I had a roommate, but that was a disaster, so I upgraded. It’s no penthouse.”
“It beats a park bench.”
“Sure does,” Tony nodded, plopping down onto the bed. “I mean, I don’t spend much time here awake. They keep us on a constant schedule of bullshit so we don’t have time to realize how much we’d rather be drinking. Every possible permutation of group therapy. Oh god, they hate me in group. I actually don’t mind the one-on-one stuff, but group? Is the worst.”
Steve could only imagine Tony struggling through a meeting, resisting the urge to make snarky comments at every turn. “Is it helping, though?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe. I haven’t felt pleasure in two weeks, but I haven’t slit my wrists with a butter knife either, so that’s gotta mean something.”
“Please don’t say things like that. I never know if you’re serious.”
Tony looked at his hands. “I’m serious.” Suddenly there was a sound of heels clicking outside the open door. Tony waved, and Steve looked over his shoulder at the youngish woman with a clipboard wave back.
“Room checks,” Tony explained. “That’s Sasha; she likes me. You can sit if you want.”
Steve sat next to him on the bed. The rumpled sheets smelled like Tony -- not alcohol or crack or vomit or sex, but his real, clean, human smell. It was strangely comforting.
“Did you see me in the paper?” Tony asked.
Steve nodded. “I was hoping you hadn’t.”
“Horrible piece. No picture, and they neglected to mention that I engineered the most efficient crack pipe in the history of drug paraphernalia.” He shook his head. “I should’ve marketed that thing, but some killjoy stole my prototype.”
Steve didn’t find any of Tony’s jokes the least bit amusing. Under their surface, he sensed an extreme fragility that had probably always been there but was never more exposed than now, without pipes or bottles to crawl inside for shelter.
“I’m surprised my father didn’t pay off the press to keep it on the down low,” Tony continued. “Unless someone else offered them more to print it.”
Steve frowned. “Someone else?”
“Like Ty.”
“But you owe Ty money, why would he spend even more just to --”
“Ty’s father and my father were business rivals until Dad basically drove Stone’s company into the ground. The old man ended up shooting himself.” Tony grimaced. Suddenly there was no mistaking his seriousness. “So Ty’s always had it in for me. He’s a popular guy with connections and savvy, and he started dealing coke. He acted like my friend, and we partied together until he got me hooked. He was real generous at the beginning, let me rack up debt, and then, well, you know the rest.”
“Oh, Tony...” Steve’s blood boiled thinking of how crudely Tony had been used. He could never purge his mind of what he’d seen, and now more than ever he wanted to break Tiberius Stone’s legs.“I can’t believe he made you...you know.”
Tony averted his eyes and shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like I hadn’t been around the block already anyway. You missed the sixties. Sex, drugs, rock n’ roll.”
Steve’s eyes narrowed. “It doesn’t upset me because I’m old-fashioned, Tony. It upsets me because I care about you.”
“Well, that makes one of you, Wish Bear.” Tony lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “By the time I figured out he’d planned it all, I was so far gone it didn’t matter. I couldn’t stop. He wanted to ruin me, ruin the Stark name and get his revenge on my father.” Tony swallowed. “Of course, what he didn’t realize was that my father didn’t give a shit about me.”
“That’s not true!” Steve said. “You know he’s paying for this.”
Tony rolled his eyes. “Only because you dazzled him with your star-spangled puppy eyes. The money’s nothing to him. He did it to get you off his back.”
“He cares about you and I know it,” Steve insisted.
“No, he cares about you. Always fucking has.”
“Tony--”
“Trust me. You don’t know him, Cap. Not anymore.”
“You know what?” Steve almost snapped, “I’m tired of being treated like I don’t know things. Just because I’ve missed so much, people act like I can’t possibly understand what’s happening. I’m not as naive as you think, Tony. I don’t know what they teach you in school these days, but the thirties and forties were not a nice time. I’ve seen a lot worse than you and your tragic rich kid act. You have no idea what it’s like to have to kill, or to watch your best friend die. To watch anyone die except yourself by your own unsteady hand. Do you?”
For once in his life, Tony Stark was speechless. He stared at Steve, brown eyes wide, then dropped his gaze in reflective shame. Steve half-regretted his words. He hadn’t really meant to lash out at Tony when he was already so vulnerable; the outburst had come out of nowhere. “I’m sorry. It’s not just you. I just...it’s not easy for me either.”
“Well,” Tony said quietly, “I didn’t mean to patronize you.” He pursed his lips. “But, to be fair, I kinda do that to everyone.”
“I noticed.” Steve thought this was probably as close as Tony would get to apologizing. But he was wrong.
“Hey, can I show you something?” Tony said, his eyes brightening. Without waiting for an answer, he opened up the drawer to the nightstand, pulled out a folded piece of white paper, and handed it to Steve. Steve stared as he unfolded it: it was the note he had left for Tony as he slept, complete with the little cartoon Captain smiling up from the wrinkled page.
All that was left of Steve’s anger collapsed and caught in his throat. “You kept this?” It was the first sign that Tony actually cared back, that he saw Steve anything more than a crutch at best and an obstacle at worst.
Tony nodded. “It was still in my pocket when you found me at the hotel,” he said. “Luckily I managed to keep something in my pants that night.”
Steve winced. “Tony...”
“But yeah, I’ve still got it. And not a day goes by when I don’t -- It’s the 29th already?”
Steve blinked, momentarily lost, before realizing Tony had noticed the glowing blue date on his digital watch -- a custom-made, half-ironic gift from Howard. “Yes.”
“It’s my birthday,” he said quietly. “I’m 18 years old.”
“Really?” Glancing at his watch again, Steve wondered if Howard was even aware it was his son’s birthday. Surely Tony recognized his father’s work, and Steve felt awful for wearing it. “Well happy birthday, Tony.”
Tony didn’t look happy. “I used to dream about this. About the party I was gonna have. Supermodels. Champagne fountains. These sweet little automatic coke dispensers I thought up. But,” he gestured widely at the drab little room with a pause, “I’m here.” He suddenly looked like he’d break down in tears any minute. Steve edged closer to him and touched his shoulder.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Steve said.
Tony met his gaze, catching his broader meaning. He nodded in reluctant acknowledgement. “Well, I’m glad you’re here too, Cap.” The earnestness in his eyes was disarming. “Otherwise...I don’t know...where I’d be.”
As Tony spoke, Steve felt himself keening forward, and Tony’s eyes fluttered closed as his lips parted to welcome Steve’s kiss. Steve’s heart raced at the sensation of Tony’s hot, pliant mouth against his. He tasted amazing, and he really knew how to use his tongue. Steve had never been kissed quite like this before, and there was no doubt Tony was as eager as he was. He pulled away, half-reluctantly, overwhelmed with feeling.
“Wow,” Tony said, blinking rapidly, cheeks flushed. “Alright then.”
“You’re a great kisser,” Steve said, nearly breathless.
Tony smirked “Well. It’s not all natural talent. Practice makes perf--mf...” Tony’s words were smothered as Steve reclaimed his lips. Steve had no experience with addictive drugs, but kissing Tony Stark might have been the closest he could imagine. Once he’d done it, it was hard to stop. Tony responded in kind, deepening the kiss, holding nothing back as he trailed a hand down Steve’s bicep. He kicked the edge of the door and it swung closed. Tony slid his leg over Steve’s without breaking the kiss, and then he was in Steve’s lap, legs spread saucily, one hand buried in Steve’s hair, another already slipping under his shirt. Tony moved...well, like a pro, and Steve felt awkward by comparison as he laced his arms around Tony’s waist. But Tony looked like he was in heaven.
“God you’re fucking perfect,” Tony murmured between kisses as he explored the smooth expanse of Steve’s chest. Steve gasped as Tony’s fingers danced over his nipple, then dropped down to caress the contours of his abs. Tony edged his hips forward, and his hardness pressed against Steve, who blushed as he felt his own arousal growing. He couldn’t hide his body’s natural reaction: Tony just oozed sexuality, and though Steve hated to admit it, he could see why someone would pay money for this. The boy’s hand dropped down to his crotch, and Steve repressed a grunt of pleasure as his hips bucked forward.
“Shit, Cap,” Tony said, stroking the pronounced bulge in Steve’s khakis.“Is this missile you’re carting around down here Stark tech?” He traced its outline with deft fingers, and Steve bit his lip at the rising sensation. “It is, actually, isn’t it? I mean, unless it was that size before --”
Steve pulled Tony’s hand off his crotch and interrupted him with another kiss. Underneath his desperate arousal, a feeling of dread was creeping over him. As soon as he let go, the boy’s hand flew right back to his erection as if by a magnet and started unfastening his belt buckle. Steve’s breath hitched, and the wave of guilt broke inside him. This was not right. It felt so good, but it was not right. There were so many reasons this shouldn’t be happening. Again he forced the boy’s hand away and held it firmly.
Tony broke the kiss. “What?” His eyes shone dark with lust, his lips wet and pink from kissing.
“We should slow down...I can’t...”
“Why? I’m legal now -- you sure nailed that timing --”
Steve shook his head. “That’s not --”
Tony’s face darkened. “It is ‘cuz of all the people I’ve --”
“No --”
“--‘Cuz it better not be because of my father, because that would really piss me off.”
Steve fell silent. Tony pulled away instantly and fell back on the bed.“God dammit,” he cursed as he buried his face in the pillow. “This too.” He shook his head and wouldn’t look at Steve. “The bastard ruined this too.”
Tony looked so broken. His eyes were welling up with tears again. Steve took his hand. “I didn’t mean we --”
Tony pulled his hand away. “No, I should just accept that I’m always going to be Howard’s kid to you, and that’s...that’s better, because otherwise I might actually get my hopes up and god forbid feel something and it’s not like I could ever do a decent job of lo...of deserving you.”
“What?”
“You heard me.” He shook his head dismissively. “Forget it. It’s never gonna work.”
Steve’s heart ached. His desire for Tony was more than just physical, but it still felt so wrong. He knew homosexuality had become less taboo in many circles, but he was Captain America, and his old friend would surely feel betrayed if he found out he’d seduced his estranged son. Yet to hide it sounded downright cowardly. He was supposed to be the bravest of soldiers, and he couldn’t face the fact that he was falling for Tony Stark.
“Why did you do it?” Tony said, eyes burning with anger. “Why did you kiss me?”
“I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t hide it -- I’ve wanted to kiss you since the night you stayed at my place.”
Tony paused. “Um, I spent the whole night puking.”
“Well, not right then. Afterwards, when you were sleeping.”
Tony raised his eyebrows. “That’s not creepy. But hold on -- you don’t want sex because my Dad’s your fucking fairy godmother, but kissing me is somehow okay? It’s all sort of the same at this point, you’ve crossed the line, you might as well literally fuck it --”
“But it’s not the same! I don’t want to rush -- it should mean something!”
“Kissing me didn’t mean anything?”
“No, of course it did, but it’s different!”
“Not following.”
“I’m not like you, Tony! Sex is a big --”
“Are you a virgin?”
Steve almost bit his tongue. “Well...”
“Technically? Are you?”
“This isn’t really --”
“Oh jeez, Cap.” Tony rolled his eyes. “You’re killing me. You realize that makes me want you even more? And considering you’re the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, and my fucking childhood hero, not to mention the only person who’s bothered to even try and help me, that’s a pretty tall order.”
Steve sighed. “Look, I do want to be with you. I do. I just...it is your age, and it is your father, and it is the fact that you were a prostitute...but it’s none of those things.” He gazed into the bottomless brown eyes, glassy with stifled tears. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”
“What?” Tony’s face was incredulous. “You’re kidding. You’re the virginal heart-of-gold hero and I’m a walking afterschool special, and you’re worried about me getting hurt?”
Steve didn’t know what an afterschool special was, but Tony had a point. He could get hurt too, and he knew it -- Tony was the furthest thing from a safe bet. But Steve wasn’t afraid to get hurt. Tony seemed so fragile, like one emotional setback could send him back to his old ways. “I just don’t know if I’m helping you, by doing this,” Steve said. “I mean...is this really what you need right now, after what you’ve been through? More sex?”
“You need more sex,” Tony said. “But with someone who deserves you.”
“It’s not like that at all,” Steve protested.
“I'll just break your heart, Steve!" Tony's tears finally came as he stared openly into Steve's eyes. "You're right: you're not like me. I shouldn’t have done that. I can’t go around debauching national icons just because I haven’t felt anything resembling pleasure in two weeks and I’m starting to worry I might never feel human again, which is absolutely terrifying --”
Steve couldn't bear to hear any more, or his heart would break. Instead he just kissed him, because it seemed better than anything else, and because they both needed it. It was a chaster kiss, but no less passionate, and soon Tony wasn’t crying anymore.
“You deserve me,” Steve said at last, with a conviction that could have carved stone.
Then there was a knock at the door, and Steve felt like he'd been jerked awake from a dream. "One minute!" Tony answered, slipping from Steve's arms.
The girl named Sasha opened the door. Steve tried not to look at her, in case he was blushing. “Tony, doors open with visitors, remember?”
Tony pouted. “It’s my first one, don’t I get one freebie?”
Sasha looked Steve over, and a sly smile spread across her face. “Group in five,” she said, pointing to Tony. The door slowly swung open as her heels clicked down the hall.
“You have to go,” said Steve.
Tony stood up. “I know. You should go too.” He looked like all he wanted was the opposite.
Steve hugged Tony tight. “I’ll come back.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I will. Tomorrow. And the day after that.” He squeezed both Tony's hands before grabbing his jacket. “I’m sorry things didn’t...you know.”
Tony shook his head. “Hey, I made out with Captain America. That’s a damn good birthday present.” And then, for the first time, he gave Steve a real, genuine smile.
continued in Ch. 5
Summary: Tony Stark is just seventeen when his father finds Captain America in the ice. Unfortunately, he's also on a downward spiral with drinking and drugs. Can Steve save him from becoming a statistic?
Title: "I'll Let You In"Author: shawarmabums
Pairing: Steve Rogers/young!Tony Stark (late 80s AU)
Word Count: 13,200
Chapters: 5 + epilogue
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: drugs, prostitution, lots of angst
Bonus: here's the song the title comes from, by Jackie Greene
~4~
As it turned out, they couldn’t be together very long. For his first two weeks in rehab, Tony wasn’t allowed any visitors. It was the facility’s policy, and although it gave Steve more time to actually be Captain America, his spare moments seemed to drag. He couldn’t stop worrying about Tony.
To his dismay, the story had made the papers. “Tech Titan’s Son Enters Rehab,” the Times headline proclaimed, and the ensuing article painted a less than flattering picture of Tony’s post-MIT downward spiral. One source who had partied with Tony described him as “so strung out he couldn’t tell the Manhattan Project from a Manhattan,” and went on to express doubt about the future of Stark Industries. Neither Howard nor anyone from the company had deigned to comment.
The one bright spot for Steve was that he’d finally persuaded Howard to cover the cost of Tony’s treatment. The price was trivial for a man of Howard’s means, but Howard was not confident it would work if Tony himself wasn’t ready to recover. Steve wished he could tell Howard how low Tony’s addiction had really brought him, but of course he couldn’t. He was just thankful to be listened to for once. Still, Howard made it clear this was Tony’s last chance, and Steve was more determined than ever to make it worth it.
By the time Steve was finally allowed to visit, Tony had been transferred from the detox center in Manhattan to a recovery facility outside the city. As soon as Steve saw the place, he could understand why: it was situated high on a green a hillside, completely isolated from urban distractions and temptations. Upon arrival, he was checked for drugs before being directed to a small lobby to wait for Tony. It was bright and extremely clean, with homey furnishings that helped offset the clinical sterility of the atmosphere.
“Tony’s just getting out of group now,” the lady at the front desk told Steve. “I told him you’re here.”
A few seconds later, Tony appeared in the lobby. He wore a black T-shirt and faded blue jeans, not the clothes he’d had when Steve checked him in. His skin had lost its sickly pallor, and his eyes were clear, but they looked sad in a sort of deep, unchanging way. “Hey,” he said, half smiling.
Steve couldn’t help but embrace him. Immediately Tony’s body tensed up in his arms, and it occurred to Steve that Tony might not have experienced a real hug like this in a long time.
“How are you?” he asked.
Tony shrugged. “Still breathing, for better or worse.”
“Well, you look good.”
Tony raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Remind me to tell dad that the super soldier serum causes delayed-onset visual distortion -- oh wait, he still won’t talk to me.”
“I mean it. You look a lot better.”
“It’s all relative. Wanna see my new digs?”
Steve nodded, and Tony led him to a small room with an unmade twin bed and nondescript, institutional furnishings.
“Home sweet home,” said Tony. “At first I had a roommate, but that was a disaster, so I upgraded. It’s no penthouse.”
“It beats a park bench.”
“Sure does,” Tony nodded, plopping down onto the bed. “I mean, I don’t spend much time here awake. They keep us on a constant schedule of bullshit so we don’t have time to realize how much we’d rather be drinking. Every possible permutation of group therapy. Oh god, they hate me in group. I actually don’t mind the one-on-one stuff, but group? Is the worst.”
Steve could only imagine Tony struggling through a meeting, resisting the urge to make snarky comments at every turn. “Is it helping, though?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe. I haven’t felt pleasure in two weeks, but I haven’t slit my wrists with a butter knife either, so that’s gotta mean something.”
“Please don’t say things like that. I never know if you’re serious.”
Tony looked at his hands. “I’m serious.” Suddenly there was a sound of heels clicking outside the open door. Tony waved, and Steve looked over his shoulder at the youngish woman with a clipboard wave back.
“Room checks,” Tony explained. “That’s Sasha; she likes me. You can sit if you want.”
Steve sat next to him on the bed. The rumpled sheets smelled like Tony -- not alcohol or crack or vomit or sex, but his real, clean, human smell. It was strangely comforting.
“Did you see me in the paper?” Tony asked.
Steve nodded. “I was hoping you hadn’t.”
“Horrible piece. No picture, and they neglected to mention that I engineered the most efficient crack pipe in the history of drug paraphernalia.” He shook his head. “I should’ve marketed that thing, but some killjoy stole my prototype.”
Steve didn’t find any of Tony’s jokes the least bit amusing. Under their surface, he sensed an extreme fragility that had probably always been there but was never more exposed than now, without pipes or bottles to crawl inside for shelter.
“I’m surprised my father didn’t pay off the press to keep it on the down low,” Tony continued. “Unless someone else offered them more to print it.”
Steve frowned. “Someone else?”
“Like Ty.”
“But you owe Ty money, why would he spend even more just to --”
“Ty’s father and my father were business rivals until Dad basically drove Stone’s company into the ground. The old man ended up shooting himself.” Tony grimaced. Suddenly there was no mistaking his seriousness. “So Ty’s always had it in for me. He’s a popular guy with connections and savvy, and he started dealing coke. He acted like my friend, and we partied together until he got me hooked. He was real generous at the beginning, let me rack up debt, and then, well, you know the rest.”
“Oh, Tony...” Steve’s blood boiled thinking of how crudely Tony had been used. He could never purge his mind of what he’d seen, and now more than ever he wanted to break Tiberius Stone’s legs.“I can’t believe he made you...you know.”
Tony averted his eyes and shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like I hadn’t been around the block already anyway. You missed the sixties. Sex, drugs, rock n’ roll.”
Steve’s eyes narrowed. “It doesn’t upset me because I’m old-fashioned, Tony. It upsets me because I care about you.”
“Well, that makes one of you, Wish Bear.” Tony lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “By the time I figured out he’d planned it all, I was so far gone it didn’t matter. I couldn’t stop. He wanted to ruin me, ruin the Stark name and get his revenge on my father.” Tony swallowed. “Of course, what he didn’t realize was that my father didn’t give a shit about me.”
“That’s not true!” Steve said. “You know he’s paying for this.”
Tony rolled his eyes. “Only because you dazzled him with your star-spangled puppy eyes. The money’s nothing to him. He did it to get you off his back.”
“He cares about you and I know it,” Steve insisted.
“No, he cares about you. Always fucking has.”
“Tony--”
“Trust me. You don’t know him, Cap. Not anymore.”
“You know what?” Steve almost snapped, “I’m tired of being treated like I don’t know things. Just because I’ve missed so much, people act like I can’t possibly understand what’s happening. I’m not as naive as you think, Tony. I don’t know what they teach you in school these days, but the thirties and forties were not a nice time. I’ve seen a lot worse than you and your tragic rich kid act. You have no idea what it’s like to have to kill, or to watch your best friend die. To watch anyone die except yourself by your own unsteady hand. Do you?”
For once in his life, Tony Stark was speechless. He stared at Steve, brown eyes wide, then dropped his gaze in reflective shame. Steve half-regretted his words. He hadn’t really meant to lash out at Tony when he was already so vulnerable; the outburst had come out of nowhere. “I’m sorry. It’s not just you. I just...it’s not easy for me either.”
“Well,” Tony said quietly, “I didn’t mean to patronize you.” He pursed his lips. “But, to be fair, I kinda do that to everyone.”
“I noticed.” Steve thought this was probably as close as Tony would get to apologizing. But he was wrong.
“Hey, can I show you something?” Tony said, his eyes brightening. Without waiting for an answer, he opened up the drawer to the nightstand, pulled out a folded piece of white paper, and handed it to Steve. Steve stared as he unfolded it: it was the note he had left for Tony as he slept, complete with the little cartoon Captain smiling up from the wrinkled page.
All that was left of Steve’s anger collapsed and caught in his throat. “You kept this?” It was the first sign that Tony actually cared back, that he saw Steve anything more than a crutch at best and an obstacle at worst.
Tony nodded. “It was still in my pocket when you found me at the hotel,” he said. “Luckily I managed to keep something in my pants that night.”
Steve winced. “Tony...”
“But yeah, I’ve still got it. And not a day goes by when I don’t -- It’s the 29th already?”
Steve blinked, momentarily lost, before realizing Tony had noticed the glowing blue date on his digital watch -- a custom-made, half-ironic gift from Howard. “Yes.”
“It’s my birthday,” he said quietly. “I’m 18 years old.”
“Really?” Glancing at his watch again, Steve wondered if Howard was even aware it was his son’s birthday. Surely Tony recognized his father’s work, and Steve felt awful for wearing it. “Well happy birthday, Tony.”
Tony didn’t look happy. “I used to dream about this. About the party I was gonna have. Supermodels. Champagne fountains. These sweet little automatic coke dispensers I thought up. But,” he gestured widely at the drab little room with a pause, “I’m here.” He suddenly looked like he’d break down in tears any minute. Steve edged closer to him and touched his shoulder.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Steve said.
Tony met his gaze, catching his broader meaning. He nodded in reluctant acknowledgement. “Well, I’m glad you’re here too, Cap.” The earnestness in his eyes was disarming. “Otherwise...I don’t know...where I’d be.”
As Tony spoke, Steve felt himself keening forward, and Tony’s eyes fluttered closed as his lips parted to welcome Steve’s kiss. Steve’s heart raced at the sensation of Tony’s hot, pliant mouth against his. He tasted amazing, and he really knew how to use his tongue. Steve had never been kissed quite like this before, and there was no doubt Tony was as eager as he was. He pulled away, half-reluctantly, overwhelmed with feeling.
“Wow,” Tony said, blinking rapidly, cheeks flushed. “Alright then.”
“You’re a great kisser,” Steve said, nearly breathless.
Tony smirked “Well. It’s not all natural talent. Practice makes perf--mf...” Tony’s words were smothered as Steve reclaimed his lips. Steve had no experience with addictive drugs, but kissing Tony Stark might have been the closest he could imagine. Once he’d done it, it was hard to stop. Tony responded in kind, deepening the kiss, holding nothing back as he trailed a hand down Steve’s bicep. He kicked the edge of the door and it swung closed. Tony slid his leg over Steve’s without breaking the kiss, and then he was in Steve’s lap, legs spread saucily, one hand buried in Steve’s hair, another already slipping under his shirt. Tony moved...well, like a pro, and Steve felt awkward by comparison as he laced his arms around Tony’s waist. But Tony looked like he was in heaven.
“God you’re fucking perfect,” Tony murmured between kisses as he explored the smooth expanse of Steve’s chest. Steve gasped as Tony’s fingers danced over his nipple, then dropped down to caress the contours of his abs. Tony edged his hips forward, and his hardness pressed against Steve, who blushed as he felt his own arousal growing. He couldn’t hide his body’s natural reaction: Tony just oozed sexuality, and though Steve hated to admit it, he could see why someone would pay money for this. The boy’s hand dropped down to his crotch, and Steve repressed a grunt of pleasure as his hips bucked forward.
“Shit, Cap,” Tony said, stroking the pronounced bulge in Steve’s khakis.“Is this missile you’re carting around down here Stark tech?” He traced its outline with deft fingers, and Steve bit his lip at the rising sensation. “It is, actually, isn’t it? I mean, unless it was that size before --”
Steve pulled Tony’s hand off his crotch and interrupted him with another kiss. Underneath his desperate arousal, a feeling of dread was creeping over him. As soon as he let go, the boy’s hand flew right back to his erection as if by a magnet and started unfastening his belt buckle. Steve’s breath hitched, and the wave of guilt broke inside him. This was not right. It felt so good, but it was not right. There were so many reasons this shouldn’t be happening. Again he forced the boy’s hand away and held it firmly.
Tony broke the kiss. “What?” His eyes shone dark with lust, his lips wet and pink from kissing.
“We should slow down...I can’t...”
“Why? I’m legal now -- you sure nailed that timing --”
Steve shook his head. “That’s not --”
Tony’s face darkened. “It is ‘cuz of all the people I’ve --”
“No --”
“--‘Cuz it better not be because of my father, because that would really piss me off.”
Steve fell silent. Tony pulled away instantly and fell back on the bed.“God dammit,” he cursed as he buried his face in the pillow. “This too.” He shook his head and wouldn’t look at Steve. “The bastard ruined this too.”
Tony looked so broken. His eyes were welling up with tears again. Steve took his hand. “I didn’t mean we --”
Tony pulled his hand away. “No, I should just accept that I’m always going to be Howard’s kid to you, and that’s...that’s better, because otherwise I might actually get my hopes up and god forbid feel something and it’s not like I could ever do a decent job of lo...of deserving you.”
“What?”
“You heard me.” He shook his head dismissively. “Forget it. It’s never gonna work.”
Steve’s heart ached. His desire for Tony was more than just physical, but it still felt so wrong. He knew homosexuality had become less taboo in many circles, but he was Captain America, and his old friend would surely feel betrayed if he found out he’d seduced his estranged son. Yet to hide it sounded downright cowardly. He was supposed to be the bravest of soldiers, and he couldn’t face the fact that he was falling for Tony Stark.
“Why did you do it?” Tony said, eyes burning with anger. “Why did you kiss me?”
“I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t hide it -- I’ve wanted to kiss you since the night you stayed at my place.”
Tony paused. “Um, I spent the whole night puking.”
“Well, not right then. Afterwards, when you were sleeping.”
Tony raised his eyebrows. “That’s not creepy. But hold on -- you don’t want sex because my Dad’s your fucking fairy godmother, but kissing me is somehow okay? It’s all sort of the same at this point, you’ve crossed the line, you might as well literally fuck it --”
“But it’s not the same! I don’t want to rush -- it should mean something!”
“Kissing me didn’t mean anything?”
“No, of course it did, but it’s different!”
“Not following.”
“I’m not like you, Tony! Sex is a big --”
“Are you a virgin?”
Steve almost bit his tongue. “Well...”
“Technically? Are you?”
“This isn’t really --”
“Oh jeez, Cap.” Tony rolled his eyes. “You’re killing me. You realize that makes me want you even more? And considering you’re the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, and my fucking childhood hero, not to mention the only person who’s bothered to even try and help me, that’s a pretty tall order.”
Steve sighed. “Look, I do want to be with you. I do. I just...it is your age, and it is your father, and it is the fact that you were a prostitute...but it’s none of those things.” He gazed into the bottomless brown eyes, glassy with stifled tears. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”
“What?” Tony’s face was incredulous. “You’re kidding. You’re the virginal heart-of-gold hero and I’m a walking afterschool special, and you’re worried about me getting hurt?”
Steve didn’t know what an afterschool special was, but Tony had a point. He could get hurt too, and he knew it -- Tony was the furthest thing from a safe bet. But Steve wasn’t afraid to get hurt. Tony seemed so fragile, like one emotional setback could send him back to his old ways. “I just don’t know if I’m helping you, by doing this,” Steve said. “I mean...is this really what you need right now, after what you’ve been through? More sex?”
“You need more sex,” Tony said. “But with someone who deserves you.”
“It’s not like that at all,” Steve protested.
“I'll just break your heart, Steve!" Tony's tears finally came as he stared openly into Steve's eyes. "You're right: you're not like me. I shouldn’t have done that. I can’t go around debauching national icons just because I haven’t felt anything resembling pleasure in two weeks and I’m starting to worry I might never feel human again, which is absolutely terrifying --”
Steve couldn't bear to hear any more, or his heart would break. Instead he just kissed him, because it seemed better than anything else, and because they both needed it. It was a chaster kiss, but no less passionate, and soon Tony wasn’t crying anymore.
“You deserve me,” Steve said at last, with a conviction that could have carved stone.
Then there was a knock at the door, and Steve felt like he'd been jerked awake from a dream. "One minute!" Tony answered, slipping from Steve's arms.
The girl named Sasha opened the door. Steve tried not to look at her, in case he was blushing. “Tony, doors open with visitors, remember?”
Tony pouted. “It’s my first one, don’t I get one freebie?”
Sasha looked Steve over, and a sly smile spread across her face. “Group in five,” she said, pointing to Tony. The door slowly swung open as her heels clicked down the hall.
“You have to go,” said Steve.
Tony stood up. “I know. You should go too.” He looked like all he wanted was the opposite.
Steve hugged Tony tight. “I’ll come back.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I will. Tomorrow. And the day after that.” He squeezed both Tony's hands before grabbing his jacket. “I’m sorry things didn’t...you know.”
Tony shook his head. “Hey, I made out with Captain America. That’s a damn good birthday present.” And then, for the first time, he gave Steve a real, genuine smile.
continued in Ch. 5