Damn
I think I had the worst anxiety attack of my life yesterday…I have know idea as to what brought it on. Every part of myself did not want to be seen by anyone. It was strange after watching 6 Feet Under the anxiety totally disappeared. (I am not sure what that says about me). On a much brighter not I have started reading a great book of biology and medical essays called the Medusa and the Snail. It is actually very well written but a little dated. On a much much brighter not today I got my blood taken to be used as samples in the lab. WEEEEEeeee BLOOD. I feel really tiered today and I think it is because of the attack. But in my head I feel a sense of clarity that I have not felt in a long time. Its as if I understand that I am afraid to be around people and it is ok. I know my bipolar mind will switch back and forth between feeling good about myself and wanting to kick the shit out of me but as of right now this very instant I feel fine. Which is more than I can say for a lot of people in this world. I should be thankful that I have at least a period when I do feel ok. OK is such a nice place to be. Your mind is calm and not filled with worry or feelings of inadequacy. I was talking to my friend matt about his yesterday…I have no problem talking to the people I already have a relationship with because I know I can be myself and be goofy and ADHD but they know that is me. I am scared to be myself around strange for fear that they wont like me. I know that it is not healthy to run your life based on the way you think others will look at you but I do it anyway. Shit got to get back to work…sorry about the spelling errors and the rant…I think I need to go back to school and have stuff to occupy me.