PTSD
I take things too hard.
I think I need a place to jot this down without anyone judging me right now. And I know they're not, but still, I feel like I need to get it off my chest.
I distrust mods. So much. And irrationally too. Ever since Dive I felt like they were here to screw me over. And thus, I distrusted them. It's hard trying not to project this onto people, but when things get rough, I feel like slamming my head against the wall and yelling. But it's not going to help. Why? Because I know deep down they're not here to screw me.
I just feel like I need a new hobby recently, one to take me out of RPing, get me something to do like gardening or chores. I dunno if it's the apathy talking but recently I've been feeling like I need to drop games when I really shouldn't NEED TO. I just feel like I HAVE TO because I have no basis in the way that I feel this poorly. I have these emotional upswings and downswings and it frustrates me.
Yes I am on medication, there's a slight anti-depressant in my tourettes medication. I still need more of it to be honest but I'm not dependant completely.
I just feel like it's hard to break off from this cycle sometimes. When times get tough and RL gets harsh, my RP fun suffers and I snarl angrily behind closed doors like the proverbial Tazmanian Devil.
So if I do get mad, and snarky and whatever, remind me politely I need to back off from the subject. It really isn't healthy for me to let a bad experience ruin my fun and life.
Or I might just do what Totalbiscuit has done with WoW, and quit the games I love entirely.
And no one wants that.
I think I need a place to jot this down without anyone judging me right now. And I know they're not, but still, I feel like I need to get it off my chest.
I distrust mods. So much. And irrationally too. Ever since Dive I felt like they were here to screw me over. And thus, I distrusted them. It's hard trying not to project this onto people, but when things get rough, I feel like slamming my head against the wall and yelling. But it's not going to help. Why? Because I know deep down they're not here to screw me.
I just feel like I need a new hobby recently, one to take me out of RPing, get me something to do like gardening or chores. I dunno if it's the apathy talking but recently I've been feeling like I need to drop games when I really shouldn't NEED TO. I just feel like I HAVE TO because I have no basis in the way that I feel this poorly. I have these emotional upswings and downswings and it frustrates me.
Yes I am on medication, there's a slight anti-depressant in my tourettes medication. I still need more of it to be honest but I'm not dependant completely.
I just feel like it's hard to break off from this cycle sometimes. When times get tough and RL gets harsh, my RP fun suffers and I snarl angrily behind closed doors like the proverbial Tazmanian Devil.
So if I do get mad, and snarky and whatever, remind me politely I need to back off from the subject. It really isn't healthy for me to let a bad experience ruin my fun and life.
Or I might just do what Totalbiscuit has done with WoW, and quit the games I love entirely.
And no one wants that.