I've just about given up...
Well, my subject title just about says it all. I've just about given up on practically EVERY DAMN THING IN MY LIFE, though I haven't given up on Dean and I know a large part of me never will but I know I need to try to have fun in my life without him but I don't want to and that part of me always wins over the part that knows I needs to have fun. I'm an semi-attractive 18-year old former bad-ass cheerleader with no boyfriend, nothing to tie me down so what's stopping me from going out and having the time of my life? That I can't answer; I wish I could but I can't. You know how they say there are some questions better left unanswered, well, that's prolly one question I don't want to know the answer to right now. Cause the answer would probably hurt me to damn much. There's some other guy in my life, that I'm not sure I want there. He's 26 or 27, I think. He's from New Jersey but he lives in San Francisco now. He seems like he's very financially stable and very nice but he keeps pushing the issue of him and I getting married and moving to Hawaii and blah blah blah...but I don't know if I want to do that. Don't get me wrong, I would love to get married right now but to the man that I want to marry, not someone who lives thousands of miles away just so I can escape this hell hole of a town. He knows where I stand on how I'm not going to go out there by myself, if I ever go. He knows that Megan is going with me no matter what. She's my rock, my best friend, my sister. I don't think I could make such a huge decision or step without her there beside me, guiding me in the right direction. And if Megan doesn't think this guy Sam is me going in the right direction, I have no doubt she'd tell me and guide me to break it off. Not that Sam and I are dating cause we're not but if we were.
Why the fuck do I bother to worry and talk to ppl who think I don't pay attention to them or what they say. I'm not that kind of friend. I listen to EVERY word ANY friend says to me. For some reason Lisa doesn't think I pay attention to what she says to me when in all retrospect, I listen to EVERY word she says to me. She's the reason I love Dean so much. She's the WHOLE reason I was with Dean in the first place so I listen to every single word. That's what I don't fucking understand. Why the hell do people think I don't listen to them. Do I seem like the kind of person that wouldn't listen to her best friends. I listen to Megan, Dean, Jake, Joel, Ben, Chris, Casey, Paul, Patrick, Jeremiah, Tyson, Brytt, Michelle AND Lisa...all equally...it's like WTF!!
Today is 2 years since Kim Dennis and I have stop being friends. We haven't talked or said one word to each other in 2 years and I gotta tell ya, it's been nice. Not having someone using you to get something for themselves. It's great. I have the best friends, I HAD the best boyfriend[who I will get back by the way] and the best family, so I really have nothing to complain about but you know me, I always find something to complain about because it's in my blood to always find something to complain about. I try not to complain all the time but it's habit and like they say, "Old habits die hard" or Shinedown said it best, "Some of the easiest habits are hardest ones to break." I could just stop complaining one day but then my parents would probably have a freakin heart attack because they might think something is wrong with me. My parents are like that. Last night, they were hounding me about that the word "oxymoron" meant because I said something was an oxymoron. So, I'm sitting there on my parents bed with both of them just staring at me, waiting for my answer when my dad blurts out, "you don't know...nenene!" and I'm like, "YES I DO!! I'M GONNA GO FIND SOME EXAMPLES!!" So I go to the computer and I go to www.bored.com and they have a whole list of oxymorons and so I'm looking and I find some and I go and tell my parents and my mom says, "Did you go look it up off of the computer?" and I said, "Yep, I sure did, " and she just laughed at me. Then I went to bed, not after I read some entries in "The Diary of Anne Frank"...that book kicks ass...it's the best book ever written by an non-author...no, scratch that...IT'S THE BEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN...PERIOD...NO QUESTIONS ASKED...NO "IF", "AND'S" OR "BUTS" ABOUT IT!!!!....PEACE...I'M OUT!
Why the fuck do I bother to worry and talk to ppl who think I don't pay attention to them or what they say. I'm not that kind of friend. I listen to EVERY word ANY friend says to me. For some reason Lisa doesn't think I pay attention to what she says to me when in all retrospect, I listen to EVERY word she says to me. She's the reason I love Dean so much. She's the WHOLE reason I was with Dean in the first place so I listen to every single word. That's what I don't fucking understand. Why the hell do people think I don't listen to them. Do I seem like the kind of person that wouldn't listen to her best friends. I listen to Megan, Dean, Jake, Joel, Ben, Chris, Casey, Paul, Patrick, Jeremiah, Tyson, Brytt, Michelle AND Lisa...all equally...it's like WTF!!
Today is 2 years since Kim Dennis and I have stop being friends. We haven't talked or said one word to each other in 2 years and I gotta tell ya, it's been nice. Not having someone using you to get something for themselves. It's great. I have the best friends, I HAD the best boyfriend[who I will get back by the way] and the best family, so I really have nothing to complain about but you know me, I always find something to complain about because it's in my blood to always find something to complain about. I try not to complain all the time but it's habit and like they say, "Old habits die hard" or Shinedown said it best, "Some of the easiest habits are hardest ones to break." I could just stop complaining one day but then my parents would probably have a freakin heart attack because they might think something is wrong with me. My parents are like that. Last night, they were hounding me about that the word "oxymoron" meant because I said something was an oxymoron. So, I'm sitting there on my parents bed with both of them just staring at me, waiting for my answer when my dad blurts out, "you don't know...nenene!" and I'm like, "YES I DO!! I'M GONNA GO FIND SOME EXAMPLES!!" So I go to the computer and I go to www.bored.com and they have a whole list of oxymorons and so I'm looking and I find some and I go and tell my parents and my mom says, "Did you go look it up off of the computer?" and I said, "Yep, I sure did, " and she just laughed at me. Then I went to bed, not after I read some entries in "The Diary of Anne Frank"...that book kicks ass...it's the best book ever written by an non-author...no, scratch that...IT'S THE BEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN...PERIOD...NO QUESTIONS ASKED...NO "IF", "AND'S" OR "BUTS" ABOUT IT!!!!....PEACE...I'M OUT!