i'm not totally sure where to begin or end.

[shattrdpieces]

the last two weeks of summer makes sense now. the more i think about i literally want to vomit, you know when you can smell or taste a certain thing through a feeling of someone or something it becomes an actually movement you do. I'm in a much better state of mind now, considering i have major trust issue to deal with for everyone i come close to. At first i just cried and got sick and then it quickly went to anger and wanting to beat the fucking shit out of someone. then i kind of forgot it. But now as of lately it irritates a little bit much more than i want it too. i guess i just dont understand who does this to someone they supposebly care so much for and would never intentionally hurt them. well i find it hard to believe you never meant to or even thought that, that would be completely wrong because you were smart way to smart to do that shit so it was intentinal no matter what anyone says. you just can not simply do that without actually knowing that person wouldnt get hurt. unless you never wanted them to know which is pathedic and makes you look even more lower than you are. so the questions i ask myself now is why didn't anyone FUCKING tell me??? huh tell me that. was it a secret fuck you. i suppose it was we didnt want you to get hurt but think about i obviosuly i would either way and the other ways hurts worse i would have rather known right then and there. people knew and no one could fucking say one word. this makes it sound even more fucked up. that for one week i had no clue and then about 6 months later i find out. just fucking grand. just to think i cryed to everyone trying to find out why, i was hurting and i just wanted an actual answer instead of just because and everyone gave me we really dont know why. well you did and i'm glad. it still just irritates me i have so much anger inside of me i just want to tell someone, i just want someone who cares, some one who will listen and someone who wont fucking lie. all i wanted was the straight up truth i got bullshit. i would have never done that to anyone in my fucking life, no matter what i was faced with that just seems so wrong to me. i feel weird, sick, used, cheated and so much more. but this will all soon blow over i just feel the need to vent. i have sat for sick months wondering why. why something seemed wrong what i was missing that someone knew. i just wanted fucking answers i wanted something to get on with my life. i moved on three months and i love it and now my feelings are gone completely gone and i have never felt better. but i still sit and wonder who the fuck does shit like that. why, honestly why? huh i just dont know. i dont know how everyone could keep a secret like that. you saw me in pain and not one of you told me not one. you can rot in hell. i always wondered why everyone ripped me out and none of those group of people talk to me i would try and analyse it and figure it out on my own but i never would have of thought i thought you were better. It has drove me to be completely fucking insane with all the thinking. i am disgusted and i still cant fathom it. you all let me sit there and cry when you all knew why. congrats. i am so glad that a while ago i moved on because as of right i consider you dead in a sense as you dont exist and everyone evolved around you are just random people. excpet for one of course who i find comfort talking too and i have grown to like as a friend which is weird considering the situation i was once faced with but those connections mean nothing and she is simply a nice friend whom i adore talking to because she actually does get it. i'm not sure why but it makes me happier in a sense to know to know youre not worth and lifts a great pain off of my chest i'm relieved in a way.

People dont change they just grow up and most of it has nothing to do with you matured more you just got older nothing to drastic just a face change and a number.

do not give me shit.