i dont think this is what kate had in mind...
Kate sent me a nudge to remind me to write in this thing... aparently it's been 8 weeks. to tell you the truth, my life has changed pretty drastically in 8 weeks. i've fallen deeply in love with ben. i know it seems kind of crazy because i've only known him for a little over 3 months, but sometimes people come into your life for a reason. he came in my life to save me from fear. i really love everything about him, and especially how he is very patient and calming with me. he's not like any guy i've ever met or spent time with. i love to tell my parents things about him because i dont feel like there's anything i need to hide about him from them. my mom really seems to like him. he's so damn cute too. a lot of little things have happened but i cant remember much of them. my mom had a double masectomy on the 18th along with reconstruction. she was in the hospital for 6 days. i've been her nurse since she came home. i've also managed to pick up the house. i feel like im driftin away from some of my friends. i dont know what to do about it because they seem just as busy as i am, so it's hard to find time to do things with them or even just sit down and talk with them. i've been talking to my brother blake via myspace and i honestly cant tell if he's a total asshole or a total joker. its weird.
i hate college so much right now, but i know that when i leave i'll have someone at home waiting for me to come back. he said he would fly out to see me anytime i needed him. i think he ought to just buy a house out there. actually, i think no one should have religion forced on them. i honestly think im jewish, maybe buddhist. i love eastern religion. who is god? i havent been to church in a few weeks which makes me really happy and excited. when i see people from church i kind of dread it because i know they'll just tlak about god and church. some of them dont seem to like it much. they just follow the motions because that's what they're use to. i think thats really stupid and kind of a waste of life.
i bought a car and im so far in debt to my parents. i dont even like the friggin thing. he keeps crappin' out. i love doing things with ben alone. mostly sleeping because it's very peaceful and nice to have osmeone there. he fell asleep on my chest a few days ago when we came back from the angels and airwaves concert. i could tell he was asleep because he was grinding his teeth and he drooled a little. it was cute that he was so comfy and trusting that he actually fell asleep. i didnt even mind the drool cuz i was already soaked (from the show), and cuz it was his.
i went to see madi's apartment today and it made me want to move out and start a life with him. i could tell he wasnt ready when i suggested we run away. its not even feasible for us, but it is nice to dream. i would love to wake up to his face everymorning. he's so beautiful.
i think im losing the person i use to be, and im not sure if thats good or bad.
i hate college so much right now, but i know that when i leave i'll have someone at home waiting for me to come back. he said he would fly out to see me anytime i needed him. i think he ought to just buy a house out there. actually, i think no one should have religion forced on them. i honestly think im jewish, maybe buddhist. i love eastern religion. who is god? i havent been to church in a few weeks which makes me really happy and excited. when i see people from church i kind of dread it because i know they'll just tlak about god and church. some of them dont seem to like it much. they just follow the motions because that's what they're use to. i think thats really stupid and kind of a waste of life.
i bought a car and im so far in debt to my parents. i dont even like the friggin thing. he keeps crappin' out. i love doing things with ben alone. mostly sleeping because it's very peaceful and nice to have osmeone there. he fell asleep on my chest a few days ago when we came back from the angels and airwaves concert. i could tell he was asleep because he was grinding his teeth and he drooled a little. it was cute that he was so comfy and trusting that he actually fell asleep. i didnt even mind the drool cuz i was already soaked (from the show), and cuz it was his.
i went to see madi's apartment today and it made me want to move out and start a life with him. i could tell he wasnt ready when i suggested we run away. its not even feasible for us, but it is nice to dream. i would love to wake up to his face everymorning. he's so beautiful.
i think im losing the person i use to be, and im not sure if thats good or bad.