(no subject)
i didnt know anyone still used this thing.
i hadnt thought about it in so long...
i went back to old entries from a long long time ago.
dear god it made me sad to realize how things really do change.
days i had forgotten ever happened...things i never wanted to remember...and things that i did remember but just chose not to think about because it hurt too bad.
i want to be seventeen again. with the world at my feet. my steering wheel in my hands. av on my sterio. and a cig in my mouth. and amy at my side. on a quest to chandler mall to find life answers from av. and then to jack in the box for breakfast jacks and dps. detting incredibly drunk and crying for eachother because we werent in the same bathroom. cruising to none other then av (or sometimes bright eyes and honorary title ) on friday nights smoking and talking...picking out outfits only to have no where to go but on a secret mission down the street for the ssa. where we find ourselves on all fours following through with secret mission drop it like its hot...i miss her.
man those were the days. i was sure of everything. . . but not really. thats a lie. i wasnt sure of a damn thing. i just didnt care all that much.
i was in love then. a pure kind. that had been tainted by the two of us. being young and not knowing what we were getting into with one another. but thats what mattered to me most. he was my best friend, my love, my shoulder, my better half. he made me laugh more than anyone in this damn world. he still does to this day.
i wish it wasnt the case. but we dont always get what we want.
example: losing my first love. losing the best friend i ever had and no one can compare to to this damn day. still living under my mothers roof. losing complete control. not moving to cali and being stuck in this fucking desert. . .
but i met a boy.
his name is scott.
hes been by my side for the past 5 months and i adore him.
hes a struggle.
a pain in my ass.
he drives me crazy.
sometimes he makes me want to scream.
sometimes he makes me laugh so hard i cant stand up.
he writes me songs and sings to me.
its not easy...t its harder the second time around...you seem to lose that childish faith that everythigns going to be ok.
your heart has a shield this time. thicker than before...
learning to trust one another hasnt been easy.
but its been worth it.
hes wonderful...
...i dont want to write in here anymore tonight...
but i think im going to write in here more often...
i hadnt thought about it in so long...
i went back to old entries from a long long time ago.
dear god it made me sad to realize how things really do change.
days i had forgotten ever happened...things i never wanted to remember...and things that i did remember but just chose not to think about because it hurt too bad.
i want to be seventeen again. with the world at my feet. my steering wheel in my hands. av on my sterio. and a cig in my mouth. and amy at my side. on a quest to chandler mall to find life answers from av. and then to jack in the box for breakfast jacks and dps. detting incredibly drunk and crying for eachother because we werent in the same bathroom. cruising to none other then av (or sometimes bright eyes and honorary title ) on friday nights smoking and talking...picking out outfits only to have no where to go but on a secret mission down the street for the ssa. where we find ourselves on all fours following through with secret mission drop it like its hot...i miss her.
man those were the days. i was sure of everything. . . but not really. thats a lie. i wasnt sure of a damn thing. i just didnt care all that much.
i was in love then. a pure kind. that had been tainted by the two of us. being young and not knowing what we were getting into with one another. but thats what mattered to me most. he was my best friend, my love, my shoulder, my better half. he made me laugh more than anyone in this damn world. he still does to this day.
i wish it wasnt the case. but we dont always get what we want.
example: losing my first love. losing the best friend i ever had and no one can compare to to this damn day. still living under my mothers roof. losing complete control. not moving to cali and being stuck in this fucking desert. . .
but i met a boy.
his name is scott.
hes been by my side for the past 5 months and i adore him.
hes a struggle.
a pain in my ass.
he drives me crazy.
sometimes he makes me want to scream.
sometimes he makes me laugh so hard i cant stand up.
he writes me songs and sings to me.
its not easy...t its harder the second time around...you seem to lose that childish faith that everythigns going to be ok.
your heart has a shield this time. thicker than before...
learning to trust one another hasnt been easy.
but its been worth it.
hes wonderful...
...i dont want to write in here anymore tonight...
but i think im going to write in here more often...