Comments | shatteress: cheese is evil

shatteress

cheese is evil

Jan 17, 2009 00:22

Dear God,

Please un-invent cheese, so I can be vegan very easily. Better yet, please make plant-cheese that is even better than the stuff made from the glandular secretions of the unconsenting animals that we artificially inseminate and then kidnap from.

Thanks a bunch, yo-

Kelly

Comments 18

crast January 17 2009, 12:43:40 UTC

...but....cheese is so AWESOME, :D

.:c:.

shatteress January 18 2009, 00:47:34 UTC

that's exactly the problem- cheese is so AWESOME
until you consider where it comes from and then... ew.
Why, God, WHY?!?!

doom_diva January 17 2009, 15:09:18 UTC

I'm with you - the cheez that's out there SUCKS!!! I have yet to find one that even remotely meets my approval.

shatteress January 18 2009, 00:52:52 UTC

Soy milk and almond milk and soy yogurt and tofu sour cream.. they're all pretty good, some are even really good, but so far there is nothing to compare to cheese. Maybe some compassionate scientists out there will invent some artificial mammary glands that can synthesize something similar enough to milk to make decent cheese from but that isn't totally full of unnatural substances and weird.

doom_diva January 18 2009, 02:04:31 UTC

A guy I met at a Meetup actually used to work for Monsanto in their labs, so yes, he truly knows all about coming up with Frankenfoods and developing flavors. He said they had these machines that actually gauge bites taken out of veggie versions of meats and cheeses, since texture is as equally as important as flavor. Kinda creepy, eh?

Anyway, I asked him why it was so hard to develop a veggie cheeze, and he said it was because of both texture and melting capabilities; flavors are the easiest to mimic. What's interesting though is the guys who run Chicago Soy Dairy (Temptation vegan ice cream) developed Teese, which melts well (but doesn't brown and get all bubbly like on a pizza) and has a good texture, but somehow falls off the mark on taste. It's not bad, but not good. Just... meh.

Sooo... if these guys can perfect the flavor and maybe tweak the melting to where it looks more natural, we'd finally have a winner. In other words, patience, m'dear. :)

shatteress January 18 2009, 02:53:11 UTC

Cool! Yes with patience we may well see it yet!!! I joke about God, but humans invented cheese. When you think of what kind of trial and error it probably took to come up with regular milk cheese, like, who thought of doing that to milk? All the curdling, culturing, fermenting, adding bacteria and rennet and enzymes and the aging and godknows what else goes into cheese making... I'm sure that wasn't invented overnight or anything. Maybe they'll come up with something even better than milk cheese!

Thread 7

veiled January 17 2009, 16:19:12 UTC

I cannot live without cheese. It's just too delicious.

shatteress January 18 2009, 01:05:26 UTC

Living without cheese is very difficult. Not like going without meat which is easy. It's like a cruel joke or something... like someone fed you the most delicious thing you ever had and then finding out it was made from boogers that came from raped dead fetuses or something. What the fuck....

sorry... blackheart666 January 17 2009, 22:00:38 UTC

my need for Pizza is greater than your need to be vegan. :(

Re: sorry... shatteress January 18 2009, 01:00:32 UTC

Mmmmm pizza. Yes I would much prefer it if "God" were to simply re-invent cheese from something doesn't involve liquid secreted from some animal's gland but was otherwise exactly the same.

actually joe_fisher January 18 2009, 05:34:08 UTC

I just deleted my first post which was lame, gave this some serious thought. I am been strict vegan for something like 8 years now. And not once have I craved cheese, or meat or whatever. I really mean that, infact I usually meet the idea with a fair bit of revulsion ( ... )

Re: actually shatteress January 18 2009, 07:33:22 UTC

Yeah, the second paragraph is pretty much right on for how I'm starting to see things. A curdled, solidified fluid that comes out of an animal's orifice doesn't fit my definition of "food" either, but it's weird having been brought up that it is, and everyone acting like it's ok. I guess that's kind of how I think of meat though... I was raised on a small farm and we had cows we killed and stuff and that was just "normal", but I've been vegetarian for 13 years now and meat really doesn't seem like food any more than dirt or cardboard or carrion does, so... once you change the way you think of something, the thing changes.
I liked your first comment, what you said about it being addictive.. that is interesting. I'd never thought of it on quite those terms, but I guess anything can be addictive. I love vegetables and fruits and grains enough that I don't often "miss" dairy, but sometimes, especially socially, it's hard. But leaving out all the milk stuff is really not very hard at all when I cook for myself and eat at home.

Re: actually blackheart666 January 18 2009, 08:18:54 UTC

"A curdled, solidified fluid that comes out of an animal's orifice doesn't fit my definition of "food" either, but it's weird having been brought up that it is, and everyone acting like it's ok"

except that... it is...

without that fluid that came out of your mothers breast when you were a baby.. you wouldn't be here...

just a thought. More power to you and the others that want to be Vegan or Vegetarian and all.. but denying the natural order is, IMNSHO, assinine.

Re: actually shatteress January 18 2009, 16:13:33 UTC

the fluid itself is most certainly is food! Food for that individual animal's offspring. So to say the coagulated and curdled infant-food of another species is not really an appealing-sounding thing to eat is not as assanine as for you to still be nursing from your mother's breast. My point is that when you really think about what cheese is, it's just weird, and the whole idea what is "food" is is socially-imposed. "Food" is whatever is labeled as such that can be at least partially digested. Other cultures eat bugs, cats, dogs,testicles, maggots and lots of things we wouldn't think of as food, but it is to them. That's the category I'm beginning to put cheese in. That's all I really meant.