i fell on black days
the planets must be fucked. as usual, everyone seems to be in a bad place all at once.
so apparently it's like this: i have anger that i am holding onto from the past. acupuncture is letting it out. i don't know where to put it. so i put it all into the thing that is upsetting me most in life right now. but it was way way out of control. i was just like my dad. i didn't think i was like that. i feel so stupid saying that. "i'm just like my father!" i'm also just like my mother. that means that inside i am always telling myself that my feelings are wrong.
i was more incredibly horrible than i can even comprehend. i can't even think about it. tears well, my throat constricts. no use wishing i could dissapear. i'm already committed to living. every time i look at my arms i feel so stupid.
physical pain is something that can't escape my focus, no matter how bad my internal pain is. it's an escape route. people always wonder "how can that feel good?". it doesn't. it's just better than feeling what else is there.
so apparently it's like this: i have anger that i am holding onto from the past. acupuncture is letting it out. i don't know where to put it. so i put it all into the thing that is upsetting me most in life right now. but it was way way out of control. i was just like my dad. i didn't think i was like that. i feel so stupid saying that. "i'm just like my father!" i'm also just like my mother. that means that inside i am always telling myself that my feelings are wrong.
i was more incredibly horrible than i can even comprehend. i can't even think about it. tears well, my throat constricts. no use wishing i could dissapear. i'm already committed to living. every time i look at my arms i feel so stupid.
physical pain is something that can't escape my focus, no matter how bad my internal pain is. it's an escape route. people always wonder "how can that feel good?". it doesn't. it's just better than feeling what else is there.