youve all been lied to
im here to set the record straight. im sure most of you have heard the tale of claire's car, and its accident. well whatever she has told you has been a lie. im here to clear up any confusion. heres the real story of claire's car accident:
So Claire woke up around midnight that evening, and decided that she needed to wreak some havoc. So she got into her car, contemplating where she could spreading pandemonium, and decided she was going to need some assistance. So she called up her drug dealer, and told him that she needed some PCP and speedballs(For those of you who dont know what speedballs are, its when you mix speed and heroine together, and shoot it up). So while miss claire was on her way to the rendevous point, she passed a prostitute that was engaging in sexual intercourse with a homeless man. Claire decided at this point, that this kind of crap wasnt going to be happening in Greenwood, a small, respectable, and christian community. So she stops her car, gets out, and proceeded to bash the hooker over the head with a brick, which she found laying nearby. After she fractured the hooker's skull, she then went on to rape the homeless man, with the same bloody brick she used on the hooker's face and head. Allegedly she cut out his eyes, and free based them, but this is unverifiable, and law enforcement officials are still attempting to corroborate this claim. She got back into her car, and coninued toward the meeting point. After a few more stops on the way, mainly to set orphanages and pet stores on fire, she arrived at the pick-up location. She paid the dealer in sex(she has AIDS, but he didnt know that). She then proceeded to snort most of the PCP and shoot up all the speedballs. Running on enough drugs to kill two elephants, claire got this idea in her head. She decided to head toward the nearest hospital to get a sex change. She assumed if she turned herself into a guy named Howie, last name Doin, she would have an easier time evading the police. On the way there, hopped up on dope, she accidentally ran a red light. A red light that was coincidentally under surveilance by Officer Stanky-Nuts. His first day on patrol, just having graduated from the training program, Officer Stanky-Nuts watched as Claire sped through the light, having no regard for the other drivers. The officer got extremely excited, this being his first law breaker. With the smell of justic, lingering in the air, he flipped on his lights, turned on his siren, and shot out into the intersection. When Claire noticed the cop behind her, she began to speed up, attempting to evade the law man. She paid no attention to the other drivers on the road, and forced many of them off into the ditch. As the high speed chase ensued, many other things became victim to claire's recklessness. She deliberately ran over many of the animals that had escaped from the pet stores she has set ablaze. Hitting a dog that is consumed by flames at 120mph, causes quite a mess. Many of the pets she hit were sent in every direction, causing most of the city to catch on fire. Meanwhile Officer Stanky-Nuts was still in hot pursuit, and had radioed for backup. At this point, it was around 8 am, and the city was alive, with children on their way to school, and inhabitants on their way to their place of business. The officer lost claire however, when she took a shortcut through a school parking lot. Coincidentally, the children has just came outside for some recess. Claire paid no attention, as countless children were ran over in her desperate attempt to flee the law. A witness at the scene claimed, "It was horrible. There were children with broken legs, and severed torsoes everywhere. It looked like someone driving through the rain, and the rain smattering against their windshield, except it wasnt rain...it was children." Claire continued her one woman onslaught, even though her car was covered in blood and the viscera of the school children. One would think it would not be difficult finding a car, looking the way as hers did, but one would be wrong. She stopped at a gas station to get some diet coke and cigarettes, and finished off the speedballs in the bathroom. As she pulled away from the gas station, the chase resumed. Now Officer Stanky-Nuts was accompanied by many of his comrades, and even a few citizens begun the chase, in hopes to stop this crazy bitch from hurting anymore people. The police finally put up a road block, forcing claire into a inner city parking lot. The chase finally ended when she slammed into a school bus, full of children going on their first field trip. Her car caught fire and even though she was caught in the blaze, the police began unloading their guns at her car. Even after most of her skin had melted off, it still took 15 bullets in the midsection, to finally take her down. The bus driver was quoted as saying, "I was gonna be taking these kids on their first field trip. They were so excited about getting to see the rich white neighborhood, because, being inner city kids, they will never get to experience being white and rich. But it looks like now they will never get to see such grandure, because this drugged up, psychotic, AIDS infested whore, ruined it for them." A stunning tale indeed.
So thats the story of claire and her car. Im sure youve all heard something of it being hit by a drunk driver whilst it was parked at her house, but she just tells everyone that so she doesnt lose friends. But not me...
I know what really happened.
So Claire woke up around midnight that evening, and decided that she needed to wreak some havoc. So she got into her car, contemplating where she could spreading pandemonium, and decided she was going to need some assistance. So she called up her drug dealer, and told him that she needed some PCP and speedballs(For those of you who dont know what speedballs are, its when you mix speed and heroine together, and shoot it up). So while miss claire was on her way to the rendevous point, she passed a prostitute that was engaging in sexual intercourse with a homeless man. Claire decided at this point, that this kind of crap wasnt going to be happening in Greenwood, a small, respectable, and christian community. So she stops her car, gets out, and proceeded to bash the hooker over the head with a brick, which she found laying nearby. After she fractured the hooker's skull, she then went on to rape the homeless man, with the same bloody brick she used on the hooker's face and head. Allegedly she cut out his eyes, and free based them, but this is unverifiable, and law enforcement officials are still attempting to corroborate this claim. She got back into her car, and coninued toward the meeting point. After a few more stops on the way, mainly to set orphanages and pet stores on fire, she arrived at the pick-up location. She paid the dealer in sex(she has AIDS, but he didnt know that). She then proceeded to snort most of the PCP and shoot up all the speedballs. Running on enough drugs to kill two elephants, claire got this idea in her head. She decided to head toward the nearest hospital to get a sex change. She assumed if she turned herself into a guy named Howie, last name Doin, she would have an easier time evading the police. On the way there, hopped up on dope, she accidentally ran a red light. A red light that was coincidentally under surveilance by Officer Stanky-Nuts. His first day on patrol, just having graduated from the training program, Officer Stanky-Nuts watched as Claire sped through the light, having no regard for the other drivers. The officer got extremely excited, this being his first law breaker. With the smell of justic, lingering in the air, he flipped on his lights, turned on his siren, and shot out into the intersection. When Claire noticed the cop behind her, she began to speed up, attempting to evade the law man. She paid no attention to the other drivers on the road, and forced many of them off into the ditch. As the high speed chase ensued, many other things became victim to claire's recklessness. She deliberately ran over many of the animals that had escaped from the pet stores she has set ablaze. Hitting a dog that is consumed by flames at 120mph, causes quite a mess. Many of the pets she hit were sent in every direction, causing most of the city to catch on fire. Meanwhile Officer Stanky-Nuts was still in hot pursuit, and had radioed for backup. At this point, it was around 8 am, and the city was alive, with children on their way to school, and inhabitants on their way to their place of business. The officer lost claire however, when she took a shortcut through a school parking lot. Coincidentally, the children has just came outside for some recess. Claire paid no attention, as countless children were ran over in her desperate attempt to flee the law. A witness at the scene claimed, "It was horrible. There were children with broken legs, and severed torsoes everywhere. It looked like someone driving through the rain, and the rain smattering against their windshield, except it wasnt rain...it was children." Claire continued her one woman onslaught, even though her car was covered in blood and the viscera of the school children. One would think it would not be difficult finding a car, looking the way as hers did, but one would be wrong. She stopped at a gas station to get some diet coke and cigarettes, and finished off the speedballs in the bathroom. As she pulled away from the gas station, the chase resumed. Now Officer Stanky-Nuts was accompanied by many of his comrades, and even a few citizens begun the chase, in hopes to stop this crazy bitch from hurting anymore people. The police finally put up a road block, forcing claire into a inner city parking lot. The chase finally ended when she slammed into a school bus, full of children going on their first field trip. Her car caught fire and even though she was caught in the blaze, the police began unloading their guns at her car. Even after most of her skin had melted off, it still took 15 bullets in the midsection, to finally take her down. The bus driver was quoted as saying, "I was gonna be taking these kids on their first field trip. They were so excited about getting to see the rich white neighborhood, because, being inner city kids, they will never get to experience being white and rich. But it looks like now they will never get to see such grandure, because this drugged up, psychotic, AIDS infested whore, ruined it for them." A stunning tale indeed.
So thats the story of claire and her car. Im sure youve all heard something of it being hit by a drunk driver whilst it was parked at her house, but she just tells everyone that so she doesnt lose friends. But not me...
I know what really happened.