life sucks.the end.
Last week I found out that a friend of mine (let's call her Anna) was moving to Tennessee (or some state in the general vicinity.) I can't say that I was very surprised because she is not one of those very reliable or stable people. She left her job at an insurance agency due to medical reasons and then decided to go to pharmacy school at 36. It is very commendable to do that especially with two little kids and a husband to take care of, but you don't do things like that. What happened with the move was that her best friend got a very good job opportunity and she didn't want to take it because she didn't want to leave behind Anna and her family. So Anna decided to move down there with her!
The friend that told me about this (let's call her Cassie) was very close to her so she was quite upset about the whole thing. The thought of losing someone in her life that she has grown so close to and was her safe haven was leaving. I understood exactly how she was feeling and although I didn't know exactly what to say when she started crying on the phone I empathized with her fully. I tried to say how she had other friends to rely on and everything would turn out okay and she would get through pharmacy school without Anna but I knew that those were just empty words to her.
The odd thing was that during our talk Cassie revealed to me certain things that I don’t think Anna wanted anybody to know. I knew about Anna’s drug-addicted past and how she overcame everything to get her life together which made me view her as a very brave person. After knowing all the struggle she went through to get to where she is today I thought that she would never have any motivation to ever start using again. So when Cassie told me that during this summer Anna fell back into her old habit and called upon Cassie to help her out numerous times it shocked me because she had so much to lose by going back on drugs and it really was sad. I think she’s better now and not doing anything like that but it made me realize how little I really knew her to begin with. You think you really know a person but I have been proven wrong too many times this year that it makes me not want to have friends to begin with.
I got into yet another argument with my mom today. We have been fighting more and more recently. I think that it's more or less an issue of independence. She has been suffocating me all my life and for the first time ever I am not allowing it so she must somehow fight back to keep me as her little subservient daughter. I basically told her that I blamed her for so many things that went wrong with my life and obviously she was very upset by it. It was the truth. Like today being the best example of it. She has been bugging me since December or so about getting bonding on my front two teeth. I found nothing wrong with them and enjoyed the tiniest little chips I had because I thought it gave me character and made me who I was. So I told her no the first time. Then she made an appointment for me to get it done and I made her cancel it because I didn't want to get it done! What was wrong with my own opinion and feelings about the matter??? A few months went by and she decided to make another appointment. This time (today) it was for a regular dentist appointment then the bonding. I had very much exhausted trying to convince her that my teeth were perfectly fine the way they were and I was perfectly happy with them so I decided to just do it to get her off my back. Well it turned out pretty badly. The teeth themselves look fine but they're not mine and they feel weird. They also don't both touch my bottom teeth when I close my mouth. So I was very upset about the whole thing. She didn't value my opinion about not having it done in the first place and now my teeth are ruined! I lost a part of me that I liked. They weren't these ugly buckteeth that needed major repair but minuscule little chips on my two front teeth and I was perfectly content with them.
So our entire argument escalated into various topics and it ended with me telling her how all people suck and they only care about themselves and she needs to learn that in her 40 plus years of living because I learned it in only 10. Life has taught me that people are inherently bad. There hasn’t been a single person that has passed through my life that hasn’t hurt me (emotionally and physically). And the only person I thought never would has done so in the worst possible way(my old best friend from the entry below). So how can I believe in anything anymore? It does make me quite cynical but all of the things that I have experienced in life have caused me to be that way.
The friend that told me about this (let's call her Cassie) was very close to her so she was quite upset about the whole thing. The thought of losing someone in her life that she has grown so close to and was her safe haven was leaving. I understood exactly how she was feeling and although I didn't know exactly what to say when she started crying on the phone I empathized with her fully. I tried to say how she had other friends to rely on and everything would turn out okay and she would get through pharmacy school without Anna but I knew that those were just empty words to her.
The odd thing was that during our talk Cassie revealed to me certain things that I don’t think Anna wanted anybody to know. I knew about Anna’s drug-addicted past and how she overcame everything to get her life together which made me view her as a very brave person. After knowing all the struggle she went through to get to where she is today I thought that she would never have any motivation to ever start using again. So when Cassie told me that during this summer Anna fell back into her old habit and called upon Cassie to help her out numerous times it shocked me because she had so much to lose by going back on drugs and it really was sad. I think she’s better now and not doing anything like that but it made me realize how little I really knew her to begin with. You think you really know a person but I have been proven wrong too many times this year that it makes me not want to have friends to begin with.
I got into yet another argument with my mom today. We have been fighting more and more recently. I think that it's more or less an issue of independence. She has been suffocating me all my life and for the first time ever I am not allowing it so she must somehow fight back to keep me as her little subservient daughter. I basically told her that I blamed her for so many things that went wrong with my life and obviously she was very upset by it. It was the truth. Like today being the best example of it. She has been bugging me since December or so about getting bonding on my front two teeth. I found nothing wrong with them and enjoyed the tiniest little chips I had because I thought it gave me character and made me who I was. So I told her no the first time. Then she made an appointment for me to get it done and I made her cancel it because I didn't want to get it done! What was wrong with my own opinion and feelings about the matter??? A few months went by and she decided to make another appointment. This time (today) it was for a regular dentist appointment then the bonding. I had very much exhausted trying to convince her that my teeth were perfectly fine the way they were and I was perfectly happy with them so I decided to just do it to get her off my back. Well it turned out pretty badly. The teeth themselves look fine but they're not mine and they feel weird. They also don't both touch my bottom teeth when I close my mouth. So I was very upset about the whole thing. She didn't value my opinion about not having it done in the first place and now my teeth are ruined! I lost a part of me that I liked. They weren't these ugly buckteeth that needed major repair but minuscule little chips on my two front teeth and I was perfectly content with them.
So our entire argument escalated into various topics and it ended with me telling her how all people suck and they only care about themselves and she needs to learn that in her 40 plus years of living because I learned it in only 10. Life has taught me that people are inherently bad. There hasn’t been a single person that has passed through my life that hasn’t hurt me (emotionally and physically). And the only person I thought never would has done so in the worst possible way(my old best friend from the entry below). So how can I believe in anything anymore? It does make me quite cynical but all of the things that I have experienced in life have caused me to be that way.