orange county is the story of my life
2004 has finally come to an end. i have experienced more pain, struggling, happiness and joy than ever before. i wish i could say it was all easy, but that's life, and you deal with what you're handed.
as the ball dropped in new york from 2003 to 2004, it was like the dawn of a new person. or at least a person struggling to find themself. i had spent the previous year trying to impress those around me - only doing what i thought would make me seem 'cool'. that was the first night i had ever gotten completely obliterated. little did i know that later it would cause one of the biggest downfalls. the apparent reason why i lost a good friend. i spent much of the beginning of the year trying on faces. attempting to find myself. to see where i fit in. i started attending younglife with one of the best friends anyone could as for. it was new and refreshing. i attempted to re-establish a relationship with God that hadn't been strong (much less existant) practically ever since i moved to Dallas. while i gained a relationship wih God, i began to realize that many (CERTAINLY not all) were hypocrites. living for God that one monday out of the week, but failing misreably the rest of the week. i took what knowledge and new found religion i had gained and stopped attending. i saw an old friend for the first time in ten years. my best friend in fact. someone who didn't know me and who i could be completely myself around with out fear. i met someone. the person that gave me the first kiss that ever made me dizzy. i had thought that it was just something with someone i hardly knew, i never thought it would last. this person has helped me learn more about myself than ever before - taught me that it's okay to be simply who you are. i was learing what it meant to love someone so much it hurt. i started to grow distant from a friend. a friend who i had shared so many plans with for over spring break and summer. plans that fell through and were soon left never to be carried out. i grew distant from another friend. one who knows all sides of me no matter what they are. someone who knows me in a way few ever will. one who shared many slurpees with me and watched countless episodes of alias with me. soon began a circle of friends consisitng of those who i had known since the day i remember. one in particular who will forever be rememberd as my first and best friend at brentfield. this circle of four friends was amazing. a few new kids were added, a youngin and a few i had never expected to find myself hanging out with. all kinds of out of the ordinary things happened with us, memories i will carry with me until the day i die. i experienced the enormous stress of SAT and ACT - tests that (unfortunately) aid in determining your future. i went to england for two weeks by myself. i was given freedom and independence. i experienced a different culture. i thought two weeks away was hard. too bad it was only the test run. later i had to say goodbye to the best thing that had ever happened to me - one of the hardest things i have ever done. i became a senior. went through the college application process. learned that i actually do have a stress limit and that i too occasionally have a break down. i finally lost that friend. we had shared so much, been there for eachother through everything, painted our nails matching orange and black the night before halloween - but the friendship had finally faded and even an online conversation was scarce. i learned what it felt like to be accepted to a university. an idescribable feeling. i experienced something that only happens in a movie. a nightmare. something that could only happen to one person out of ten million. something i wont ever willingly talk about because its so painful - at least not for 20 years down the line. what it was like to have everything you could ever ask for taken away. i battled an enormous wave of depression because of that, and have since won. i came to terms with the oh so cliche phrase "everything happens for a reason" and learned that no matter the outcome of a situation - good or bad - there is always a lesson to be learned. i got into a fight with a close friend - now i can't even remember what, but it ended a friendship and created a gap in the circle. i learned that drama is stupid. learned that sometimes even if you are really right, that it's easier to let down your pride and say were wrong anyway. i learned the hard way that saying what's on your mind makes things go much smoother than making people guess about what you're thinking. bottling up emotions is not always the answer. walking away from a problem does not fix it. i almost let go of something amazing only to realize that i only needed to hold on tighter, and that everything would play itself out right. i got my first kiss when the clock struck twelve marking the new year.
this year i will be me. i will not close myself off in attempt to hide my feelings. i will be optimistic. i will appreciate what i have. i will be honest. i will be a better person.
happy new year. belated, no doubt.
<3 alex
as the ball dropped in new york from 2003 to 2004, it was like the dawn of a new person. or at least a person struggling to find themself. i had spent the previous year trying to impress those around me - only doing what i thought would make me seem 'cool'. that was the first night i had ever gotten completely obliterated. little did i know that later it would cause one of the biggest downfalls. the apparent reason why i lost a good friend. i spent much of the beginning of the year trying on faces. attempting to find myself. to see where i fit in. i started attending younglife with one of the best friends anyone could as for. it was new and refreshing. i attempted to re-establish a relationship with God that hadn't been strong (much less existant) practically ever since i moved to Dallas. while i gained a relationship wih God, i began to realize that many (CERTAINLY not all) were hypocrites. living for God that one monday out of the week, but failing misreably the rest of the week. i took what knowledge and new found religion i had gained and stopped attending. i saw an old friend for the first time in ten years. my best friend in fact. someone who didn't know me and who i could be completely myself around with out fear. i met someone. the person that gave me the first kiss that ever made me dizzy. i had thought that it was just something with someone i hardly knew, i never thought it would last. this person has helped me learn more about myself than ever before - taught me that it's okay to be simply who you are. i was learing what it meant to love someone so much it hurt. i started to grow distant from a friend. a friend who i had shared so many plans with for over spring break and summer. plans that fell through and were soon left never to be carried out. i grew distant from another friend. one who knows all sides of me no matter what they are. someone who knows me in a way few ever will. one who shared many slurpees with me and watched countless episodes of alias with me. soon began a circle of friends consisitng of those who i had known since the day i remember. one in particular who will forever be rememberd as my first and best friend at brentfield. this circle of four friends was amazing. a few new kids were added, a youngin and a few i had never expected to find myself hanging out with. all kinds of out of the ordinary things happened with us, memories i will carry with me until the day i die. i experienced the enormous stress of SAT and ACT - tests that (unfortunately) aid in determining your future. i went to england for two weeks by myself. i was given freedom and independence. i experienced a different culture. i thought two weeks away was hard. too bad it was only the test run. later i had to say goodbye to the best thing that had ever happened to me - one of the hardest things i have ever done. i became a senior. went through the college application process. learned that i actually do have a stress limit and that i too occasionally have a break down. i finally lost that friend. we had shared so much, been there for eachother through everything, painted our nails matching orange and black the night before halloween - but the friendship had finally faded and even an online conversation was scarce. i learned what it felt like to be accepted to a university. an idescribable feeling. i experienced something that only happens in a movie. a nightmare. something that could only happen to one person out of ten million. something i wont ever willingly talk about because its so painful - at least not for 20 years down the line. what it was like to have everything you could ever ask for taken away. i battled an enormous wave of depression because of that, and have since won. i came to terms with the oh so cliche phrase "everything happens for a reason" and learned that no matter the outcome of a situation - good or bad - there is always a lesson to be learned. i got into a fight with a close friend - now i can't even remember what, but it ended a friendship and created a gap in the circle. i learned that drama is stupid. learned that sometimes even if you are really right, that it's easier to let down your pride and say were wrong anyway. i learned the hard way that saying what's on your mind makes things go much smoother than making people guess about what you're thinking. bottling up emotions is not always the answer. walking away from a problem does not fix it. i almost let go of something amazing only to realize that i only needed to hold on tighter, and that everything would play itself out right. i got my first kiss when the clock struck twelve marking the new year.
this year i will be me. i will not close myself off in attempt to hide my feelings. i will be optimistic. i will appreciate what i have. i will be honest. i will be a better person.
happy new year. belated, no doubt.
<3 alex