An inability to describe my emotions and collective thoughts...HAPPY BIRTDAY EMMA!
Last night was an astounding, yet much needed, restoration to my well being. For the first time in so long I felt alive. No expectations. No dependency. Just raw emotion and movement enhanced by the cold night air and kind, familiar faces. Through the crowd a recollection half erased yet before my eyes...Although I do not know for sure if you looked my way, I felt something. Recalling your reappearance in my nightly masquerades and accustomed, predictable showings in my physical life due to the fact there you sat...it was still rare to have the ability to steal a glimpse of you--to be in the same room. I normally have the tendency to desire copies, but last night I turned away. I will admit you remain rather repetitious in my mind today however.
Warsaw played a marvelous set with much variety and passion. Once the lights when down nothing else in the world mattered. They played for an extended length of time and I savored every moment--longing for more even today. Music is my drug. I need another hit. I felt so cleansed and alive. With Warsaw it is even more so a digested experience because not only does the music touch me--so do the band members. Aaron and I have been friends for a few years now and whenever we talk I am taken away to another place-away from any trouble-Warsaw's music only furthers that motion. He told me he would be back in town in a few weeks, that he would have a few days off and that we should go out. I look forward to it...it has been far too long. It felt good just to get a nice hug. Touch hands. Talk to someone real. Jay is also darling-so kind from the first day I met him. I have been listening to Warsaw for quite a few years now and I am thankful every day for it. Music is affirmation of the soul.
It was nice to be back with the gang last night. I relived the past few years with Jaime. Cheek to cheek. Smiles. Movement. Hand in Hand. We had it all. We still do. Naturally I didn't want it to end. I felt as if I was snapped out of my happy world when Warsaw finished playing. But what I realized is that the important stuff, the connections, if strong, remain despite whatever change may occur around them. I must remember this. It is just new...so new.
I felt rather guilt ridden as I realized (last night) the need I have to be alone right now in my life. It seems that it is all too much for me to handle. Although liberating, I know there are many other reasons as to why my decision stands (yet not acted upon) even today. I attempt not to think about it at least for the time being. I have so much going for me. I am just thankful for last night. To feel alive again. To be able to stand. To look with open eyes. To feel with an open heart. All things come with time. Ah, time.
Warsaw played a marvelous set with much variety and passion. Once the lights when down nothing else in the world mattered. They played for an extended length of time and I savored every moment--longing for more even today. Music is my drug. I need another hit. I felt so cleansed and alive. With Warsaw it is even more so a digested experience because not only does the music touch me--so do the band members. Aaron and I have been friends for a few years now and whenever we talk I am taken away to another place-away from any trouble-Warsaw's music only furthers that motion. He told me he would be back in town in a few weeks, that he would have a few days off and that we should go out. I look forward to it...it has been far too long. It felt good just to get a nice hug. Touch hands. Talk to someone real. Jay is also darling-so kind from the first day I met him. I have been listening to Warsaw for quite a few years now and I am thankful every day for it. Music is affirmation of the soul.
It was nice to be back with the gang last night. I relived the past few years with Jaime. Cheek to cheek. Smiles. Movement. Hand in Hand. We had it all. We still do. Naturally I didn't want it to end. I felt as if I was snapped out of my happy world when Warsaw finished playing. But what I realized is that the important stuff, the connections, if strong, remain despite whatever change may occur around them. I must remember this. It is just new...so new.
I felt rather guilt ridden as I realized (last night) the need I have to be alone right now in my life. It seems that it is all too much for me to handle. Although liberating, I know there are many other reasons as to why my decision stands (yet not acted upon) even today. I attempt not to think about it at least for the time being. I have so much going for me. I am just thankful for last night. To feel alive again. To be able to stand. To look with open eyes. To feel with an open heart. All things come with time. Ah, time.