Sorry you're going through this shit :( Between the ages of 18-20 I had lost all 5 of the friends I had outside of high school, three because they moved away, and two were from suicide. It was really heart wrenching, and I feel the same way you did, because I thought that my love for one of them alone could save him.
Your post reminded me of this song, and it was popular back during that horrible time for me, but it brought me some sort of peace. I hope you make it out to the funeral.
Joey baby, don't get crazy Detours, fences... I get defensive
I know you've heard it all before So I don't say it anymore I just stand by and let you fight your secret war
And though I used to wonder why I used to cry til I was dry Still sometimes I get a strange pain inside Oh Joey, if you're hurting so am I
Joey honey, I've got the money All is forgiven Listen, listen
And if I seem to be confused I didn't mean to be, with you And when you said I scared you, well I guess you scared me too
But we got lucky once before and I don't want to close the door and if you're somewhere out there passed out on the floor Oh Joey, I'm not angry anymore
And if I seem to be confused I didn't mean to be, with you And when you said I scared you, well I guess you scared me too
But if it's love you're looking for then I can give a little more and if you're somewhere drunk and passed out on the floor Oh Joey, I'm not angry anymore angry anymore
I'm old enough and been through enough bad shit that I've seen quite a few friends pass on. This particular one just hits me in a very sweet spot... I've "saved" a lot of friends from a lot of things, and I hit some point where I just couldn't do it anymore, and it became easy to walk away from almost anyone when they started fucking up. And those were all old friends. I made sure not to make new ones like that.
Except Joey. He was one of those people you meet one of every 5 years where there's an instant connection... and he was the first person that I met that was going through a lot and still was always trying his hardest to fix himself, to find something meaningful. He did a lot of things to hurt himself but never anyone else, and I just cared instanly and I dove in and tried to get close to him and couldn't... and then I made myself let it go.
I thought about him all the time and resisted calling to see how he was doing... I consciously chose not to try and save him, because I knew I couldn't. I just really wanted to and wished I could have.
I didn't mean to write that much, but it kind of came spilling out, so I'll not bother to backspace.
Thank you for the song. I must have listened to it 20 times today and it really really helped.
Your post reminded me of this song, and it was popular back during that horrible time for me, but it brought me some sort of peace. I hope you make it out to the funeral.
Joey baby, don't get crazy
Detours, fences... I get defensive
I know you've heard it all before
So I don't say it anymore
I just stand by and let you fight your secret war
And though I used to wonder why
I used to cry til I was dry
Still sometimes I get a strange pain inside
Oh Joey, if you're hurting so am I
Joey honey, I've got the money
All is forgiven
Listen, listen
And if I seem to be confused
I didn't mean to be, with you
And when you said I scared you, well I guess you scared me too
But we got lucky once before
and I don't want to close the door
and if you're somewhere out there passed out on the floor
Oh Joey, I'm not angry anymore
And if I seem to be confused
I didn't mean to be, with you
And when you said I scared you, well I guess you scared me too
But if it's love you're looking for
then I can give a little more
and if you're somewhere drunk and passed out on the floor
Oh Joey, I'm not angry anymore
angry anymore
Joey - Concrete Blonde
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Except Joey. He was one of those people you meet one of every 5 years where there's an instant connection... and he was the first person that I met that was going through a lot and still was always trying his hardest to fix himself, to find something meaningful. He did a lot of things to hurt himself but never anyone else, and I just cared instanly and I dove in and tried to get close to him and couldn't... and then I made myself let it go.
I thought about him all the time and resisted calling to see how he was doing... I consciously chose not to try and save him, because I knew I couldn't. I just really wanted to and wished I could have.
I didn't mean to write that much, but it kind of came spilling out, so I'll not bother to backspace.
Thank you for the song. I must have listened to it 20 times today and it really really helped.
Reply
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