I am heaven sent.
I'm making this entry public so everyone can know the truth.
Yesterday Lindsay, Eileen, Elizabeth and I all went to the hopsital after school.
Finally Elizabeth and I went in to see her and I'm telling you it made every tear and doubt go away. She looked at me. She started crying and trying to talk and grabbed my hand and I just wanted to rip the tube out of her throat and let her speak whatever was on her mind. I miss the sound of her voice. But Nicole, you're getting stronger. You're doing so well and pretty soon your ADD will kick in and you'll be screaming just to get out of that damn hospital bed. lol I'm pretty sure she knows about Brian. Meg and I concluded that she's not a dumbass and the fact that nobody's asking about him or mentioning him and he's not there...she can put 2 and 2 together. It's going to be hard for her. But like Gerogina said on her live journal....me, Meg, her, Matt, Molly, Marla, Luke, Drew, John, Brant, and every other person that cares about her are going to be there every step of the way. I'm never going to leave your side Nicole. I love you.
So after the hospital Luke and I went to Wal*Mart and made copies of pictures for the Meisners. Mrs. Meisner is doing better. I can't even imagine how she's feeling inside. So I chatted with Mr. Meisner for about 20 minutes and I tried to make him feel better about everything. You know, telling him all the wonderful things about Brian (which wasn't hard at all) and just reminding him what an amazing friend he was and how much people love him. I think I helped a little bit. Hopefully..
I know this is going to sound kind of mean but I have to get it out. I've talked about it to a few people and most people say it's normal to feel but it just really bothers me. People that never or hardly talked to Brian are in constant tears and about 20 X more upset then say someone like me or Devin or Drew or anyone who talked to him on a regular basis, hung out with him on weekends, talked on the phone, etc etc. I understand they want to show their support but when you stand in a circle in the middle of class in front of his locker and cry..it's a bit ridiculous. laksjf Whatever. And kind of the same with Nicole. People I know Nicole can't stand are going up to the hospital, signing the banner in the atrium, and all this shit and I'm just like "omfg..she hates you why are you here!?!" it just pisses me off because I guess it's kind of a protective thing just the fact that I was really close with Brian and am and still am close with Nicole and people who try to pretend to piss the fuck out of me just because now they "care" because he's gone or she's hurt.
-sigh- that felt good.
Another thing is all the god damn rumors going around. No, Nicole did not lose her leg. No, Brian was not decapated. No, she was not speeding. No, she was not racing. Brian was killed instantly from abrasions to the neck...he looks fine other than a cut on his chin and his neck being bruised. Nicole had the most injuries of the three and her leg was in some danger of being taken off but SHE DID KEEP IT. her face was not "smashed" as most people have been saying. She broke her nose but it looks fine. She is really cut up but those heal quickly. She has a few stitches on her face but she doesn't need "reconstructive surgery" like people think. Her hand was broken but she had surgery on it and she's fine. Everything is fine. So just stop the fucking rumors. If you have anymore fucked up rumors or questions I'm sure you can ask me, or Meg, or Georgina, or someone that actually knows the truth..unless it's just so fucking out there like the decapated thing...in which case all three of us will have to smack you.
-Today will be hard day-
I just needed a day off to gather myself. I want to go to the hospital but she can't have visitors till Tomorrow so I'm just kind of chilling at home. I might clean my room. Tomorrow Chauncey and I are going up there. He hasn't seen her yet so he wants to. I got in there and I didn't want to leave. It was soooo nice seeing her look at me.
ok bye.