Dont know why..

[sharpxdisaster]

i dont really know why im updating, just trying to kill time i guess. things are wired lately. i dont even know what to say. i feel one way about someone or something, and then the next day things change and its all fucked up. i dont know if any of this even makes since but i dont even care according to no one will be reading this anyway, so there isnt a point for this entry. i guess its just for me to vent to myself. i just wish things were like the used to be. but im completely over that, i know that nothing can ever be the same, but i just wish things can be good for me. i want to feel the way i used to. feel so invincible like nothing could ever hurt me or bother me because i had so many amazing people surrounding me and loving me that nothing else mattered. all i want is friends. people that care for me. dont get me wrong, there are a few people out there that really do care about me. but i want to feel that you are always there for me on my bad days. i want you know be able to tell when im upset and need you. i just need someone to talk to and just be with sometimes. i mean im not much of a talker, i love to listen. but sometimes keeping things in for so long, i need to let everything just go. its real hard for me to do that, but im working on it. i want to feel so good about myslef, i need selfesteem,its breaking apart and im trying to hold on to whats left of it, but its slipping away. i just want to feel good about myself, my friends, my family, my life in general. on the most part things are ok. but thats changing quick. also, if anyone dosent want me around, then please tell me. i dont mind. i just feel like im and inconvenience (sp?) sometimes. not particularly with anyone, but well i dont even know what i am saying anymore. i dont knwo what to say. even if i did know what to say, i wouldnt even know how to explain it. therefore i am done. this entry is all sloppy with thoughts, im about to go insane, cant stop thinking about everything and anything. i bet not one person read this entire enrty. but like i said, i dont care, this is a way of me venting to myself, even though all of the important detail thoughts are excluded. well it dosent matter. im bored and lonley and did nothing tonight. and was kicked out of my own bedroom, beacuse people are rude ot me and dont care what i think. by the way, im very sorry if this entry is rude on any part. i am in a horrible mood and feel like i am about to break down. just a bad night i must say. i need my incredible to come. aka something amazing and life changing must happen to me soon before i bust.

whatever, i need to leave tonight. jsut leave my house, go somewhere and anywhere. just to think and be alone. xcmvSMWFVSOInvinSVNIOSvnSOI!FUCK.