My Fucked Up Family && Friends
What is it about me? Do I just attract the crazies?? I've been born into a family full of crazies, and now, I've surrounded myself with crazy ass best friends. Sure, they're a hell of a trip sometimes, but other times, I kind of want to strangle them!
Do you all ever have that feeling? Do you ever just want to hit someone upside the head and scream, "Get over yourself!" I'm ready to cut a bitch. I'm not going to, but I feel like I should. I mean, I've dealt with enough SHIT in the past, why do I have to deal with it now?
Read on if you dare.
Okay, so I'm graduating this weekend (actually, I'm graduating TOMORROW...wow) and my aunt has come in for the weekened from Florida. She's never been to Colorado (where I live, y'all) before, so we're going to show her a good time and take her to a bunch of places around town. We may even get some Rocky Mountain Oyesters and see what she makes of them (raise your hand if you know what those are, hee hee)...cuz we're cruel like that.
However, because my family is really fucked up, and I mean REALLY fucked up, we have to lie to both of my grandmothers about our plans. My grandmother, known as Grandma Les, has a lot of leg problems and health problems that would prevent her from coming out to CO for graduation. When asked earlier if she planned to come out, she gave a bunch of excuses why she couldn't. My mom also didn't know the exact date (this was weeks ago), so they couldn't make any definite plans.
She calls my mom a few days ago and asks if mom has any idea when graduation is. Mom says, "Oh yeah, it's this Saturday." Grandma Les goes off on her!! She keeps yelling about how my mom should have called her, how she should have considered her and not been so selfish. Yeah, complete bull shit. My mom, who grew up with this woman for years and years, wouldn't take any of it. Go her! She kept telling Grandma Les that Grandma Les had the bad legs, kept complaining about them, and just wouldn't make it out here. Hell, we can't invite my grandparents who live out here anyways because they can't handle all the stairs to the Ritchie Center, where we're having graduation.
My grandmother is very quiet, then she says, "Well, I couldn't make it anyway because I'm going to North Carolina to go to your nephew's seventh birthday party." So, she gave my mom Hell just because she wanted to?? If she couldn't make it to the graduation anyways because of Steven's (my cousin) birthday, then why do that to my mom?
Because my grandmother (who constantly lectures me for being fat, which I am, but she doesn't need to remind me of it every time she sees me) is a life ruiner.
Anyway, if Grandma Les found out that my aunt is coming to CO for graduation, she'd blow a fucking gasket. We can't even tell my other grandmother because my two grandmothers talk all the time! I've had to lie to my grandmother (my dad's mom who lives out here, not the Unholy Bitch of Unholiness aka Grandma Les), which I can't stand. I can lie all I need to to Grandma Les, I don't care. But to Grandmother? Hecks no.
There's that drama, then there's something with a friend of mine who should never, ever be behind the wheel of a car.
My friend, Lisa, cannot drive. She thinks she can, but she can't. What's worse is that her truck, the one her family gave to her, is a stick. She cannot, on her life, drive a stick shift well. She knows the fundamentals, but her movements are too jerky and she never really learned it properly. However, even if she drove an automatic, she cannot drive safely. She never wears her seat belt, she drives way too fast, follows WAY too closely, and can't really turn...at all.
She went out to lunch a few days ago with a few of my friends (I had chores to do at home, so I couldn't go, which sucked!), and on their way back to Aurora, it started to rain. She was driving another best friend of mine, Erika, home, and she was going way too fast. I mean, she was going 60mph on a 35mph road. I know. Crazy bitch.
She started to hydroplane, but she didn't notice. She turned onto I-225 and was heading towards the 80mph zone, even though the limit is 65mph. I mean, I don't drive the speed limit; I speed a hell of a lot, but I know how to drive in water and other types of inclement weather. She doesn't. So, on the freeway, she started to spin and lose control of her car. My friend, Erika, was in the car with her, and as they turned, Lisa hit another car and ended up perpendicular in the lane.
Luckily, no one was hurt. They called the cops as you always should, and Lisa tried to get Erika to lie and say she was going UNDER the speed limit. Erika, being the good soul she is, didn't lie for her. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that Lisa's tires were bare of tread. Which is so fucked up. I mean, what the fuck were you doing on the freeway in bad weather with bare tires? What the fuck are you doing driving with BARE TIRES, YOU STUPID IDIOT!?
Am I wrong to be pissed at her? Because she cannot drive, she put my friend in danger. Because she drives so recklessly and doesn't think, she could have hurt Erika a lot.
So, yeah, that's my friends and family right now. Would I be completely in the wrong to check myself into a mental institution? GIVE. ME. DRUGS!
Do you all ever have that feeling? Do you ever just want to hit someone upside the head and scream, "Get over yourself!" I'm ready to cut a bitch. I'm not going to, but I feel like I should. I mean, I've dealt with enough SHIT in the past, why do I have to deal with it now?
Read on if you dare.
Okay, so I'm graduating this weekend (actually, I'm graduating TOMORROW...wow) and my aunt has come in for the weekened from Florida. She's never been to Colorado (where I live, y'all) before, so we're going to show her a good time and take her to a bunch of places around town. We may even get some Rocky Mountain Oyesters and see what she makes of them (raise your hand if you know what those are, hee hee)...cuz we're cruel like that.
However, because my family is really fucked up, and I mean REALLY fucked up, we have to lie to both of my grandmothers about our plans. My grandmother, known as Grandma Les, has a lot of leg problems and health problems that would prevent her from coming out to CO for graduation. When asked earlier if she planned to come out, she gave a bunch of excuses why she couldn't. My mom also didn't know the exact date (this was weeks ago), so they couldn't make any definite plans.
She calls my mom a few days ago and asks if mom has any idea when graduation is. Mom says, "Oh yeah, it's this Saturday." Grandma Les goes off on her!! She keeps yelling about how my mom should have called her, how she should have considered her and not been so selfish. Yeah, complete bull shit. My mom, who grew up with this woman for years and years, wouldn't take any of it. Go her! She kept telling Grandma Les that Grandma Les had the bad legs, kept complaining about them, and just wouldn't make it out here. Hell, we can't invite my grandparents who live out here anyways because they can't handle all the stairs to the Ritchie Center, where we're having graduation.
My grandmother is very quiet, then she says, "Well, I couldn't make it anyway because I'm going to North Carolina to go to your nephew's seventh birthday party." So, she gave my mom Hell just because she wanted to?? If she couldn't make it to the graduation anyways because of Steven's (my cousin) birthday, then why do that to my mom?
Because my grandmother (who constantly lectures me for being fat, which I am, but she doesn't need to remind me of it every time she sees me) is a life ruiner.
Anyway, if Grandma Les found out that my aunt is coming to CO for graduation, she'd blow a fucking gasket. We can't even tell my other grandmother because my two grandmothers talk all the time! I've had to lie to my grandmother (my dad's mom who lives out here, not the Unholy Bitch of Unholiness aka Grandma Les), which I can't stand. I can lie all I need to to Grandma Les, I don't care. But to Grandmother? Hecks no.
There's that drama, then there's something with a friend of mine who should never, ever be behind the wheel of a car.
My friend, Lisa, cannot drive. She thinks she can, but she can't. What's worse is that her truck, the one her family gave to her, is a stick. She cannot, on her life, drive a stick shift well. She knows the fundamentals, but her movements are too jerky and she never really learned it properly. However, even if she drove an automatic, she cannot drive safely. She never wears her seat belt, she drives way too fast, follows WAY too closely, and can't really turn...at all.
She went out to lunch a few days ago with a few of my friends (I had chores to do at home, so I couldn't go, which sucked!), and on their way back to Aurora, it started to rain. She was driving another best friend of mine, Erika, home, and she was going way too fast. I mean, she was going 60mph on a 35mph road. I know. Crazy bitch.
She started to hydroplane, but she didn't notice. She turned onto I-225 and was heading towards the 80mph zone, even though the limit is 65mph. I mean, I don't drive the speed limit; I speed a hell of a lot, but I know how to drive in water and other types of inclement weather. She doesn't. So, on the freeway, she started to spin and lose control of her car. My friend, Erika, was in the car with her, and as they turned, Lisa hit another car and ended up perpendicular in the lane.
Luckily, no one was hurt. They called the cops as you always should, and Lisa tried to get Erika to lie and say she was going UNDER the speed limit. Erika, being the good soul she is, didn't lie for her. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that Lisa's tires were bare of tread. Which is so fucked up. I mean, what the fuck were you doing on the freeway in bad weather with bare tires? What the fuck are you doing driving with BARE TIRES, YOU STUPID IDIOT!?
Am I wrong to be pissed at her? Because she cannot drive, she put my friend in danger. Because she drives so recklessly and doesn't think, she could have hurt Erika a lot.
So, yeah, that's my friends and family right now. Would I be completely in the wrong to check myself into a mental institution? GIVE. ME. DRUGS!