Well, my heart stopped pumping, but my blood is still alive
All I know is I saw myself in Cate tonight, and it made me only get slightly tipsy and stay with Eric when everyone went to Hound Dog's and let him sleep on me for a while, and then kiss him goodbye and drive myself home nice and quiet-like. She knew enough to let me move her car for her, but not enough to not fall over and hurt her shoulder and burst out laughing, saying, "John's gonna be so pissed, so pissed... I'll just give him roadhead and he'll get over it." Desirée let Cate hit on her all night and enjoyed the attention but was a little overwhelmed by this mostly-straight girl with a live-in boyfriend saying she just wanted to fuck her over and over again. I don't feel at all like an alcoholic tonight, not at all.
I called Ben to tell him he has to take me to the Halloween rave, and he said, "Woah, shit, sorry, I just literally ran into your brother." So I told him to tell him Hi and all, and Chris just asked what the fuck he was doing talking to his sister. There were people everywhere and we couldn't talk for all the noise and commotion, but man, he said it was all alright, but I dunno. It stresses me out in a good way, worrying that the nice boy I'm seeing and the good big brother he used to be friends with will still be cool. It also relieves me of any more worrying about whether or not or when or how or why, even, I should tell him.
He said he'd get me a ticket for the rave, though, and I'm burning up with excitement. Part of me feels like this is two years too late, but part of me feels like that's such a good thing that I can't help but just enjoy it for what it is (that is, pulsing, pulsing, pulsing music & bodies) and not what I'm doing or why I'm there.
Eric told me I was single tonight and I had to psuedo-correct him, and he was almost-offended I hadn't told him yet. I got some mad butterflies and had a really good night but wanted to run over to Ben's party the whole time, anyway, and it's so good I didn't but also so good that I wanted to. It's like downshifting, and I think downshifting is so satisfying.
Tomorrow will be utterly filled with figuring my shit out. I'm starting slowly and haven't yet picked which side to take the first step with, but I know it'll end up being with a good foot.
I called Ben to tell him he has to take me to the Halloween rave, and he said, "Woah, shit, sorry, I just literally ran into your brother." So I told him to tell him Hi and all, and Chris just asked what the fuck he was doing talking to his sister. There were people everywhere and we couldn't talk for all the noise and commotion, but man, he said it was all alright, but I dunno. It stresses me out in a good way, worrying that the nice boy I'm seeing and the good big brother he used to be friends with will still be cool. It also relieves me of any more worrying about whether or not or when or how or why, even, I should tell him.
He said he'd get me a ticket for the rave, though, and I'm burning up with excitement. Part of me feels like this is two years too late, but part of me feels like that's such a good thing that I can't help but just enjoy it for what it is (that is, pulsing, pulsing, pulsing music & bodies) and not what I'm doing or why I'm there.
Eric told me I was single tonight and I had to psuedo-correct him, and he was almost-offended I hadn't told him yet. I got some mad butterflies and had a really good night but wanted to run over to Ben's party the whole time, anyway, and it's so good I didn't but also so good that I wanted to. It's like downshifting, and I think downshifting is so satisfying.
Tomorrow will be utterly filled with figuring my shit out. I'm starting slowly and haven't yet picked which side to take the first step with, but I know it'll end up being with a good foot.